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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Photos on Facebook

137 replies

SarahDuckandMummy · 29/10/2015 00:13

I really don't know what etiquette is, so am quite prepared to be told IABU and PFB.

I post a reasonable amount of photos of DS on Facebook for my friends and family to see. I don't have many friends on Facebook and my privacy settings mean that only my friends can see my photos.

I emailed a photo to a family member of DS, he then posted the photo on Facebook. He has 998 friends on Facebook and his privacy settings mean that anyone can see his photos.

AIBU to ask him to take it down? I'm not happy with it being on there but don't want to come across hypocritical or start a family feud. DH doesn't really see my issue with it.

OP posts:
doubleshotespresso · 29/10/2015 09:21

YANBU

We don't put any pics onto any social media either. Don't understand when it became supposedly acceptable to bandy about images of other peoples' children.

Ask them to remove it. I think it is irrelevant what their friends may or may not see or do... The choice should have been yours.

SarahDuckandMummy · 29/10/2015 09:24

Carol succinctly, I don't want photos of my child on the internet that anyone can view.

IKnowIAm I think I have set it so that even if they comment or like the photo it will still only be viewed by my friends. But I am going to check this incase I'm wrong.

I know people can obviously save the photo etc once I put it up but I hope that as only a few of my friends can see it, they wouldn't do that.

It's my BIL who put the photo up. I had a look through his profile and there are quite a few photos of DS on there. I'm going to speak to him later and ask him to remove them.

OP posts:
Fairenuff · 29/10/2015 09:33

OP are you sure that your photos are private? If you can find someone that you're not 'friends' with on fb to look at your profile, I bet they can see your photos anyway. FB are shocking like that.

I've checked for people who want to keep work and family separate and they've asked me to see if I can see their profile. One of them I could see everything, all the comments, etc. She complained to FB and they said they would sort it but they didn't.

MrsTedCrilly · 29/10/2015 09:38

I don't get the problem unless you're on the run or your child is maybe adopted etc.. What's the issue? I have a toddler and wouldn't mind this. It's just a photo, no address details attached. What could happen? I'm not being antagonistic, just curious and probably a bit naive!

SquareStarfish · 29/10/2015 09:38

No matter how 'locked down' your privacy settings are- if you don't want a picture of your child on the Internet don't post one. Once you do it's not yours anymore and never will be again, even if you delete it.

coconutpie · 29/10/2015 09:40

YADNBU. I don't post any photos of DC up on Facebook. I would be infuriated if somebody decided to post photos up of my child on social media and I would demand that it is removed immediately. In my opinion, it is an invasion of privacy to post pics of children online.

Starspread · 29/10/2015 09:43

I'm very careful with Facebook settings (and work in a similar field, so I know what I'm doing). A friend with the very best of intentions put up some photos of my wedding; but as a result of her settings, and one of the family members who ended up getting tagged in a photo, a family member of mine who I went no-contact with years and years ago (and have in fact blocked from my own profile on Facebook) saw the photos of this very personal and private day, started commenting on then, and sharing them on his own profile. I had to break no-contact to ask him to take them down - and what's more I had to reveal some of that complicated family history to friends in order to stop that happening again, which I felt pretty angry about as I would have preferred to just not have to bring it up.

Long story, but basically YANBU and people need to understand that they may not know the full reasons why someone has asked them not to share personal photos and respect the request.

IKnowIAmButWhatAreYou · 29/10/2015 10:17

to publish any photo you have to get the permission of the person or their parent in a professional setting.

People keep coming out with this & it's wrong.

Unless you are selling your images, you do not legally need anyone’s explicit permission to take a picture in a public space.

That's not the same as sharing someone else's photo without their permission as in this case, but your statement gave the impression that people have a "right" to their images that they don't.

middlings · 29/10/2015 10:19

YANBU

Bixxy · 29/10/2015 10:28

ThenLater - you're right, I'd rather my child wasn't in any photos online, even wedding ones. But if my family go to a wedding where we're part of group shots, I try not to be a complete bitch about it and don't complain about group pics. As long as I'm not tagged, someone would have to search through the faces to find us.

My family think I'm weird but they've accepted it. I don't want my child's image on a public domain.

PeaceOfWildThings · 29/10/2015 10:28

YANBU and every child should be able to have a choice about having photos of themselves taken off fb, once they are old enough to express a view. I only post photos of my children, or information about them (or comment on their timelines) if they say it is ok by them.

hairbrushbedhair · 29/10/2015 10:30

YANBU however I wouldn't personally ask him to remove it, I'd go more along the lines of "would you mind checking with me before posting anymore?"

I don't post pics of DS very often as I personally don't like him being over the Internet but have put up the occasional one from a birthday and Iv had a few friends post pics of my DS alongside their own DC or even had his teacher from a hobby he does put a photo up to advertise her class.

I feel it's less abrupt to let what's been done go, but politely ask your checked with in future. Nobody can be bothered to check - so nobody posts

LikeASoulWithoutAMind · 29/10/2015 11:01

I think YANBU but I also think this stance is a bit inconsistent with posting photos of your dc yourself. I am pretty sure your friends would easily be able to click "share" on your pictures. So I'd also have a think about whether you really want to post pictures yourself on fb.

Cerseirys · 29/10/2015 11:19

I am pretty sure your friends would easily be able to click "share" on your pictures.

They can do that but the only people able to see them would be any mutual friends you have. Likewise to the PP who said that once a friend clicks like or comments then their friends can see your photo.

Bottom line: if you set your privacy to "friends only" then nobody apart from your friends can see your posts and photos unless you tag a friend in them.

AnchorDownDeepBreath · 29/10/2015 11:26

That's not true, Cerseirys.

If your post is set to "friends", only your friends will see it. If they share it, who sees that will depend on their privacy settings - for most people "friends of friends". If someone from that pool of people shared it, it would become available to others based on their security settings, too. If anyone shares it who has "public" privacy settings, everyone can see it.

Not that it matters, because Facebook is so easy to get around anyway. Hence why the media always have images of people who have been in accidents/died/etc before it's even been officially confirmed that it was them. If you know what you are doing, you can access any photos.

If a friend likes or comments, the thing they are liking or commenting on will show for their friends, even if they don't know the original poster.

That's why once you've put it on Facebook, it's in the public domain, because you can't control who interacts with it and what their settings are. You might only share it with a few people, those few people might (accidentally or otherwise) share it with a few more, and on it goes.

OP, you're right, the etiquette would be that he didn't post it without checking for you first. Now that it's live, though, there's little point in making him take it down. It'll be archived anyway.

BrandNewAndImproved · 29/10/2015 11:34

It's his photo now, you sent it to him.

I think your overreacting. Get a grip.

MrsHerculePoirot · 29/10/2015 11:44

No anchor you are incorrect. If I share something a friend has posted that they have set to friends only, only mutual friends can see it. I can ask them to change their settings to public to allow me to share it, but otherwise my friends will just see a message saying they can't view it due to,privacy settings.

Cerseirys · 29/10/2015 11:46

No Anchor, unless that friend saves your photo and reuploads it then their friends will not see it. You know the times you see someone share something and it says "attachment unavailable"? That's when they've shared a post or photo from a friend of theirs who has their privacy settings set to "friends only". Same goes for the liking or commenting - if your photo is public or set to "friends of friends" then it will appear in their friends' newsfeeds. If you've set your privacy to "friends only" then it will not.

TreadSoftlyOnMyDreams · 29/10/2015 12:15

There's an easy way to keep the peace. Ask your BIL if he wouldn't mind moving the pics to an album and giving permission to view only to family [and mutual friends].

Sorted. Ish.

customercare · 29/10/2015 12:21

I don't like photos of me posted on facebook and if anyone does, I ask them to please remove it. They may think I'm odd but nobody seems to mind.

SarahDuckandMummy · 29/10/2015 12:23

TreadSoftly that is an excellent solution, thank you.

OP posts:
ConfusedInBath · 29/10/2015 12:25

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ILiveAtTheBeach · 29/10/2015 12:32

I don't understand what the fuss is all about? People can see your DC in the flesh all the time. Why is a photo any different? I think you're being too precious.

WMittens · 29/10/2015 12:32

"I emailed a photo to ..."

It doesn't really matter what comes after this phrase - you have effectively placed control of that content distribution with someone whom you cannot control. If you want complete confidence that the picture will only appear where you want it to, you have to keep it restricted.

Posting a picture on facebook where your privacy settings only allows your friends to see the photo means absolutely nothing - any photo can be downloaded from facebook (right click, save picture as...), which can then be uploaded/emailed/shared in whatever way they wish. Even if you couldn't save a picture, anyone is still able to take a screenshot to then repost.

This message needs to be instilled into everybody: any photo (or tweet, or comment) that is posted to the internet or in any way sent to another person is now outside of your control - you cannot get it back and there may be consequences that you do not like or intend.

CallaLilli · 29/10/2015 12:36

Posting a picture on facebook where your privacy settings only allows your friends to see the photo means absolutely nothing - any photo can be downloaded from facebook (right click, save picture as...), which can then be uploaded/emailed/shared in whatever way they wish. Even if you couldn't save a picture, anyone is still able to take a screenshot to then repost.

This issue is more to do with who you are friends with than the actual posting of the photo. Can you trust your friends to not do this?