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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Photos on Facebook

137 replies

SarahDuckandMummy · 29/10/2015 00:13

I really don't know what etiquette is, so am quite prepared to be told IABU and PFB.

I post a reasonable amount of photos of DS on Facebook for my friends and family to see. I don't have many friends on Facebook and my privacy settings mean that only my friends can see my photos.

I emailed a photo to a family member of DS, he then posted the photo on Facebook. He has 998 friends on Facebook and his privacy settings mean that anyone can see his photos.

AIBU to ask him to take it down? I'm not happy with it being on there but don't want to come across hypocritical or start a family feud. DH doesn't really see my issue with it.

OP posts:
Original poster
SarahDuckandMummy · 29/10/2015 17:48

Reading this has made me realise that I have been quite precious and it's a bit embarrassing Blush guess you live and learn!

But to clear up the confusion, I emailed BIL this photo, it was not on my Facebook at all.

OP posts:
OhMakeMeOver · 29/10/2015 18:05

I would be offended. I don't like people putting pictures up of my son without asking me. And even then I don't like it if their Facebook is public and whoever is on their friends list can see a picture of my son. I don't know who they are and they don't know who my son is, so why post it? Especially with weirdos on the internet... an innocent picture can be manipulated and shared into the wrong hands, but that's just my thought process!

It makes me cringe when parents post pictures of their kids in the bath or naked on FB - it's not just on FB when you upload it, it's online! If your profile is public, all your pictures would come up on Google.

WorraLiberty · 29/10/2015 18:21

I can't get my head around people not liking others putting pics of their kids on FB, without permission.

Do you all have your kid's permission to put their photos on the internet?

I'm so glad there was no such thing as social media when I was a kid.

I used to cringe when my Mum got the family album out, when aunts/uncles popped round to visit.

I can't imagine how I would have felt if she'd shown them to a much wider audience on a Facebook account.

sugar21 · 29/10/2015 18:26

Well i have the answer
I deleted bloody facebrag and am now very happy that I no longer have the associated angst.

Doublebubblebubble · 29/10/2015 18:31

toobreathless

YANBU.
The etiquette is you do NOT put pictures of other peoples children on social media without their permission.

^^exactly this ^^^

Supermanspants · 29/10/2015 18:32

I can only assume all those wringing their hands over pics of their kids out on FB will of course have banned their kids from having FB and posting....
Er..... pictures of themselves all over it Smile

ConstanceMarkYaBitch · 29/10/2015 18:37

It's her ds, her choice who sees his photo

No its not. I can put pictures of anyone anywhere I like, including facebook, and their parents have no say in it at all. I wouldn't, because I agree with a widespread etiquette point that I shouldn't without permission, but I CAN, if I want to.

Hereslookingatchoo · 29/10/2015 19:27

supermanspants the chances aren't that remote, you may think they are but I can assure you they are not and my job regularly shows that these things can and do happen waaaay more often than you might think. The six degrees of separation and all that. I am often stunned at who knows who on their FB friend list, friends who I would never have thought would know certain people and are geographically quite far apart.

Whilst I don't think its the case with the OP, I stand by it being bloody inconsiderate to take photos of a load of kids and stick it on FB, photograph your own kid and put it on FB if you must, but not other people's. If you don't know them then you have no right.

goodnightdarthvader1 · 29/10/2015 19:31

hereslooking Let me get this straight - if a parent and their DC is out in a public place, they have to clear the immediate vicinity of EVERY child lurking in the background, or crop them all out / blur their faces, before sharing the photo on social media?

Does that not sound slightly completely paranoid to you?

Jesus. The trouble with FB is that it creates a completely self-absorbed vacuum. No one is that interested in your life, or your DCs, unless they're related to you (maybe not even then).

Spero · 29/10/2015 19:34

I am sorry to be the one to break the bad news but pictures of your children are really a LOT less fascinating than some of you seem to think. if there is no tagging, how on earth is that picture going to be searchable? Or is facial recognition much more sophisticated than I ever dared dream and pictures of my daughters face at 6 months will be identifiable now she is 10?

I still don't understand what possible harm will befall a child in this scenario. Presumably if you were in a witness protection programme or hiding from an abusive ex you would make it clear at time you emailed photo.

Mehitabel6 · 29/10/2015 19:40

I wouldn't put children's photos anywhere on the Internet. However you have to accept that you have no control - if other people do it , then other than ask them not to, there is nothing you can do.

Supermanspants · 29/10/2015 19:46

To not post pictures of your kids because there may be others somewhere in the background is utter bollox but each to their own. I have lost count of the number of pictures I have of my kids where others happen to be in the background... School sports day, sports events, parties, festivals etc etc etc. They have all been posted on FB. Yours is just OTT scaremongering that is fuelled by overreaction and misplaced panic.
I will assume you do not have or do not intend to post a single picture of your kids with any other kids in the background anywhere. I will assume you keep your kids well covered up when out and about. I will also assume your kids will not be permitted to have FB.

Supermanspants · 29/10/2015 19:51

Yes apparently so good
It's no bloody wonder parents can be fearful and terrified given the ridiculous crap posted above.
FFS... A few images on FB is hardly high risk is it Hmm
Google 'children' and see how many image hits you get.
Honestly some people really need to get a grip on reality.

anna345 · 29/10/2015 19:51

whole we are chatting facebook I'm after some opinions on something. My daughter was born at 6pm. At 9pm in hazy after effect of labour I was checking facebook in between staring at DD when I noticed that MIL had posted an announcement about her birth with full name and weight etc. this was before we'd told anyone except close family and had put nothing on fb ourselves. It really upset me and made me cry ( hormones) and 8 months on I'm still struggling to get over it and it's ruined our relationship. My husband made her take it down and she doesn't get why I was so upset.... Um you announced the birth of my child before I did ?! Am I being unreasonable or would you feel the same ?

Supermanspants · 29/10/2015 19:57

YANBU Anna That is insensitive and a bit shit. I would be pretty pissed off in your shoes but perhaps time to let it go and move on. You can't change it now but could be in danger of becoming a bit of a dog with a bone over it.

goodnightdarthvader1 · 29/10/2015 19:58

anna, you should really start your own thread.

FWIW, I'd be pissed off too, and I would tell the MIL that, although I'm not sure I would let it "ruin the relationship". People put a bit too much importance on updating social media for all the glory. Presumably your MIL's FB friends and your FB friends don't have much crossover, only immediate relatives.

You have a baby. People (including your MIL) are happy you are a baby. Presumably YOU are happy you have a baby. THAT's the important thing to take from all this.

pinotblush · 29/10/2015 20:10

The only way to guard against this is to not post them on facebook.

Double standards.

I personally think everyone has become neurotic about photographs :/

IKnowIAmButWhatAreYou · 29/10/2015 20:12

I deleted bloody facebrag and am now very happy that I no longer have the associated angst.

Ah, so what you're saying is you have no visibility of all these photos of your kids on there that were uploaded without filling in a a form in triplicate!!

How can you police other peoples FB posts if you're not on it????

Oh the horror...

IKnowIAmButWhatAreYou · 29/10/2015 20:15

I think people are thinking the world is full of people that want to masturbate to pictures of their fully clothed children.

Not forgetting that, statistically, whoever is being turned on by the photo of the kids is probably in it with them (or taking it)....

"Stranger Danger" is a throwback to all those dodgy adverts we were subjected to as kids, back when "Uncle Jim" was considered eccentric but harmless......

ConfusedNoMore · 29/10/2015 20:28

I don't think it's about paedophiles. I think it's about respect for parents choosing to value their child's privacy.

I'm having similar issue. I don't want 4 yr old DS on there. Stbxh changed his feelings about this and now posts lots online but he at least has privacy settings. His girlfriend doesn't though. She is repeatedly putting images of her DD and my DS on her fb including as her profile PiC. Named my DS too.

Ex would love me to be upset in any way he could so no way can I ask nicely. I'm just trying to not worry about it but its not a nice feeling that another woman can post images of your child so publicly. (They've only been together a couple months too and hasn't even told me about her even though he's introduced DS).

WorraLiberty · 29/10/2015 20:30

There aren't many parents on FB who do value their children's privacy though.

goodnightdarthvader1 · 29/10/2015 20:31

I think it's about respect for parents choosing to value their child's privacy.

I really really really doubt that the majority of FB photo objectors have that as their motivation (not doubting you do, just doubting that most other people have that thought in mind at all).

MrsDeVere · 29/10/2015 20:33

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

brokenhearted55a · 29/10/2015 20:42

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Gwenhwyfar · 29/10/2015 20:44

"I don't like photos of me posted on facebook and if anyone does, I ask them to please remove it. They may think I'm odd but nobody seems to mind."

I used to have a couple of friends like this. I seriously minded as it's not fair on other people in a group situation. I used to ask the anti-Facebookers to get out of a photo because I don't think it's fair for one person to stop others being able to share photos on FB. By now, most of these people have become keen Facebookers themselves.
I'm talking about adults in group photos here of course, not children.