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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

about them sharing a room?

69 replies

playtoad · 28/10/2015 17:13

Looking for opinions pls :)

I live in a 5 bed house with my 2 teens, who each have a largeish double room. With that and my room, there are 2 other rooms, one a reasonable double - about 10x 10 I think, and a single about 6x 9.

At the moment I've got a spare bed for guests (and not much else) in the smallest room, and the larger room is a home office cum general room, I sort laundry in there, store stuff (presents bought early), all sorts really.

I'm in a relationship with a man with 2 DC (different sexes) who he has 2 days/ nights a week. We plan to move in together next year, as a lead up to that we think his DC need to get used to spending more time and staying over at my house.

So I need to find them somewhere to sleep.

I was thinking in the short term of sorting out my larger room and putting 2 beds in there for them. However they are different sexes so I don't know if people think that's ok? (they are 6 and 9, btw). I was thinking if I do that, then I can use the little room as an office etc.

Longer term though, assuming all goes well and OH moves in properly, I'm assuming I'd have to give up my office so they could have their own rooms?

OP posts:

EmpressKnowsWhereHerTowelIs · 28/10/2015 17:16

I'd have thought so. It sounds a lot fairer than any combination of sharing.

rainbowstardrops · 28/10/2015 17:18

I think it's ok for now asking them to share a room. Maybe bunk beds in the smaller room as they're only at yours for two nights?
Obviously if the relationship continues and they inevitably get older then a more permanent set up would be required.
I'd go for bunk beds for now though

whois · 28/10/2015 17:20

Yeah if they move in properly I woukd expect them to have a bedroom each since you can do so. However if they are only there 2 days a week you could still use the bigger room as an office the other 5 days? Get one of those office in a cupboard set ups so you can shut it all away so it doesn't look office like when it's their bedroom n

At the moment sharing one room for the odd night seems reasonable.

Racundra · 28/10/2015 17:21

If they're six and nine, they may actually prefer sharing in a strange house- I know mine would! Depends how close they are to one another. When mine are scared or anxious, they always want to go in with each other.

Chattymummyhere · 28/10/2015 17:21

Two single beds in the double room with a room divider so they each still have their own space but in the same room.

Original poster

playtoad · 28/10/2015 17:26

They don't share a room at either their mum or dads, don't think they ever have even when tiny. That said I think its ok for say one night every week at most (more like every fortnight), which is all it would be til they moved in.

The small room is an odd shape (sloping roof) so I couldn't get bunks in there. I could get them in the bigger room, although there's room for 2 singles as well.

OP posts:

WombatStewForTea · 28/10/2015 17:49

Why don't you ask them what they'd like to do?
If they're happy sharing then no problem. If they'd rather have separate rooms have one in the guest room and another bed put in the office.

Original poster

playtoad · 28/10/2015 19:36

I'd predict if asked they'd say they want separate rooms to stay in from the start - but that's more work and expense for me than just putting them in one room for now.

I don't want to come over all wicked stepmother but this is costing me money on new beds and decorating already, that's just to put them in one room for 1 night a week, probably more like fortnightly I'd rather not have to decorate both rooms yet, or spend money on some kind of foldaway office as well just yet.

OP posts:

WombatStewForTea · 28/10/2015 19:54

Nobody is saying decorate now just give the poor kids their own space. You've got a bed in your guest room anyway so it's only one extra bed you need. Its a shame that you don't want to ask them just because its an inconvenience for you.

Original poster

playtoad · 28/10/2015 20:02

They have their own space at their mums, and their dads, a large room each in both houses.

This is just a room they'll be staying overnight in for the next few months, they won't have their stuff here other than what they bring overnight.

In all honesty it is a lot more work for me to create 2 bedrooms right now, I don't think expecting them to share one is that U, as a temporary measure anyway.

Part of me thinks they could just keep sharing when they move in, as it's only 2 nights, and then I could keep a guest/office room, but I don't think OH would agree to this.

OP posts:

timelytess · 28/10/2015 20:06

Your children have their own rooms. Give his children their own rooms, too. Be the bigger person. Make your office in your own bedroom or in a reception room and get a sofa bed for guests.

AndNowItsSeven · 28/10/2015 20:06

Sharing is fine for now , but not really ok once puberty hits. If the dd is the older child I would ensure they had their own rooms by age 10/11. If the dd is younger then 11/12.

WombatStewForTea · 28/10/2015 20:10

Now I just think you're being bloody selfish. These children are going to be joining your family which is going to be an upheaval. Surely you'd want to make them comfortable and feel included rather than the inconvenience that they clearly are to you.
Of course your OH shouldn't agree to that. God you sound like you really don't want them in your family.

Original poster

playtoad · 28/10/2015 20:10

They do have their own rooms at 2 houses already! My DC live here ft.

I accept that when they properly move in they'll have to have their own rooms, but while they're just staying, surely sharing is ok?

There's no room anywhere else in the house for an office. And I really don't like sofa beds, plus that's just more money I'm spending, which I really don't have.

OP posts:

QuartzUcan · 28/10/2015 20:13

Before they start staying over in beds etc, have you had any longer time away from house with them? What are they like overnight on holiday in a more confined space together?

I understand not turning the house upside down straight away; I too think bunk beds for occasional visits are fine at this point - however if visits are to be frequent over a prolonged period building up to longer term then this will not make for pleasant visits sooner rather than later I would think, especially as all can see there is adequate room.

I missed what sexes the age of children are; imo if eldest is a boy they need separating earlier than the other way around.

NinaSimoneful · 28/10/2015 20:20

Could your partner not pay for decorating the room/s?

gladisgood · 28/10/2015 20:20

At the moment they are your partner's children. If all goes well, and you and he become a "long term" partnership, then you should treat them exactly the same as your own children.

I would say, making them feel as comfortable and wanted as any other guest you invite to your home is OK for now. Make these children feel very welcome, without going to extreme measures.

You wouldn't normally redecorate for overnight guests.

Original poster

playtoad · 28/10/2015 20:23

I've not been away with them overnight, my OH has taken them for a couple of nights to see family thought, and I think then they all just 'camped out' in the living room of relatives house.

Even when they move in, they'd only be here 2 nights a week, so the staying over probably won't be any more than once a week/ fortnight for a few months, then moving in next year sometime assuming all goes well.

OP posts:

Cloppysow · 28/10/2015 20:26

I don't think you are being unreasonable at all, even if they are there 2 nights a week. They're still young, they can share a room. You might want to look at it again when they're a bit older though. I think the idea of the big room with some sort of room divider is a good one.

Plenty of children who are different sexes have to share a room full time. It's really no big deal.

Is your partner contributing to the cost?

Original poster

playtoad · 28/10/2015 20:26

I think OH probably feels as it's my house, it's up to me to pay for the extra bed(s) and decorating.

I do take the point though we might not need to decorate just yet. I was thinking of making it nice for the DC but I guess we could do that when they move in proper, so to speak.

OP posts:

slithytove · 28/10/2015 20:27

So you are having guests once a fortnight? Who have 2 other homes they live in? Yes, they can share a room.

Would caution against anyone moving in without serious planning and agreement first, especially if it's your home you'll have to shift around. What will OH do with his? How old are your kids?

Cloppysow · 28/10/2015 20:29

No, it's really not up to you to buy furniture for his children in your house.

ScentedJasmine · 28/10/2015 20:29

I think sharing sounds fine- now and for the foreseeable future.
You can reconsider every now and again and play it by ear.
Bunkbeds and maybe ask them what sort of duvet covers they would like and maybe a poster of something they like by each section of their bunk wall.

slithytove · 28/10/2015 20:29

No, I really wouldn't redecorate at all for overnight guests if you have a guest room already. Sends the wrong message.

And your OH should certainly be contributing to the costs involved with him moving in. Alarm bells dinging already. Does he own his home?

MaidOfStars · 28/10/2015 20:32

Essentially, you're having occasional sleepovers as the first step in integrating families. I think sharing is fine. How old are your own children?

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