To not go to a wedding during Christmas Week

[wellliesandleaves]

An old school friend is getting married on 22nd Dec, which is the Monday of Christmas week. She is having the wedding in a small country village about 3 hours drive away. We don't really see each other that regularly any more, but try and catch up a couple of times a year.

I am always chasing my tail Christmas week trying to get everything done, there's a lot of family stuff on (much of it traditions that I love) and it's always a really busy week. I would have to travel down on Sunday afternoon and back up Tuesday morning, and would probably be absolutely wrecked on the Wednesday.

WIBU to regret the invitation? My sister reckons that, given it's Christmas week and they've chosen an awkward location, they will have to accept that some guests just won't want to go, but I don't want to hurt her feelings.

it seems these days it's all the rage to do whatever one wants to do and tough shit if others don't like it

You could equally apply that to someone who organises a wedding a few days before Christmas, and who isn't understanding about invitees being unable or unwilling to attend, despite knowing that it tends to be a busy time of year for many people, what with organising Christmas, Christmassy social engagements, possible long distance travelling to see family a day or two after the 21st of December, etc....

Unless it was involving a very close friend or close family, I wouldn't feel that I had to go to a wedding on Monday 21st December that was 3 hrs drive away, especially if it involved an overnight stay. DH has to work that day anyway this year, as he does most years.

True.

I assumed as the OP referred to an old school friend that this would fall into the category you mention. I'd walk over hot coals for my old school friends even though we hardly see each other but appreciate that for some old friendships might not have such a hold.

We drive 3 hours each way to visit my Grandfather, in the same day, and have done since the kids were small.

It's perfectly do-able & doesn't wreck the next day.

Go to the wedding, hang around at the reception, congratulate the happy couple & then make your exit. Back before 11......

It's as hard as you want to make it.

We got married on 22nd December. Everyone we invited came including my heavily pregnant sister-in-law to be. If anyone had turned down the invitation I would have accepted that they couldn't come.
I am not sure why it is selfish to get married just before Christmas. If you can't go, don't go.
Mind you we got married in 1973 when Christmas was Christmas Day and Boxing Day. It was during the three day week so people were probably glad to get out and do something!

I would go if it is a close friend but I can understand you not wanting to travel down on the morning on the wedding as it's at midday because of traffic jams etc especially at that time of year. Could you leave on the Monday night, if one of you doesn't drink?

We went to DH cousin's wedding years ago (pre dc) on the 23rd in bloody Hull (we lived in London and travelled up the night before). It was an absolutely beautiful wedding and DH had a ball but I didn't drink as we left very early morning on the 24th to travel to Bristol for Christmas with friends. It was fine and it was worth it but I am not sure I would want to do it with children. Though I would do it for someone close, just not an old friend from long ago.

Thanks for all the replies. I've decided to drive down that morning, go to the church and back to the hotel for the drinks and canapés bit, and then leave. That means just one day and I should be home by 8o'clock.

I suppose we're all different, but for me Christmas is massively about family and tradition. I also bring my mum to do her Christmas shopping and to see her grandchildren in their carol service and we have other traditions that I love and that I'm aware are probably on borrowed time now as both grandparents and children are getting older .

Anyhow, thanks again.

Wellies - I think Christmas is about family and tradition for most of us, but the point being made by several posters was that this wedding is four days before Christmas when the majority of people (myself included) are still at work. Not shopping, carol singing, or whatever else. It's an ordinary working day for most.
FWIW, I think it's great you've decided to go, and hope you have a lovely day. Christmassy weddings can be really beautiful.

I suppose we all have different stuff going on. I'll be doing a combination of working and family stuff and last minute shopping and organising. I enjoy it all but am always really really busy that week and most people I know seem to be in pretty similar circumstances.

Don't know if it's because I'm in Ireland. Maybe we do Christmas a bit differently over here? Or maybe it's just differences in how different people celebrate the Christmas season.

Running - but it was an odd point to make, given that the OP said she had a whole set of Xmas traditions, they could easily start on a particular day that's not the 25th!

I am expecting my tube to be half empty in the week leading up to Xmas - years of experience! Yes, the day of the wedding is an ordinary working day for me and for you Running, but that doesn't make it the same for everyone.

Three hours each way doesn't seem that far for the wedding of an old friend? It almost seems as if you don't want to go by justifying it because you don't see each other that much. She obviously values your friendship if you've been invited to her wedding.

Personally, I would go to my friend's wedding. Other things can be rearranged. It may be Christmas, but the world still turns. I love Christmas, but I wouldn't not go to an old friend's wedding "'cos 'Christmas week'". If I were in a similar position and had plans for the other days, I would be at the wedding for the day, not drink and drive back late in the evening.

snausage "She obviously values your friendship if you've been invited to her wedding. "

I haven't found that to be the case with wedding invitations at all. Maybe it depends on your definition of "valuing friendship". I've been invited to many weddings in my life. They aren't all people who would come and see me in hospital. I'm not saying every friend has to be that type, but travelling 3 hours for a wedding, for me, would only happen with that type of friend.