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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not go to a wedding during Christmas Week

136 replies

wellliesandleaves · 28/10/2015 15:33

An old school friend is getting married on 22nd Dec, which is the Monday of Christmas week. She is having the wedding in a small country village about 3 hours drive away. We don't really see each other that regularly any more, but try and catch up a couple of times a year.

I am always chasing my tail Christmas week trying to get everything done, there's a lot of family stuff on (much of it traditions that I love) and it's always a really busy week. I would have to travel down on Sunday afternoon and back up Tuesday morning, and would probably be absolutely wrecked on the Wednesday.

WIBU to regret the invitation? My sister reckons that, given it's Christmas week and they've chosen an awkward location, they will have to accept that some guests just won't want to go, but I don't want to hurt her feelings.

OP posts:
Headofthehive55 · 28/10/2015 19:34

A lot if family traditions are not that movable, say if you all go to the carol service together. it affects other people's Christmases as well.

Not easy. I would have been really disappointed if I couldn't see my DS nativity play for example.

I get what you all say about it being a one off, but I also feel Xmas weddings are a more Difficult to attend than at other times of the year.

Bubbletree4 · 28/10/2015 19:39

I'd go to the wedding. I'd leave at 7am and drive down on the day. Then I'd drive back that night. I find Christmas very stressful and pressurised. Therefore I no longer enjoy it.

lorelei9 · 28/10/2015 19:42

oP, I'm not a fan of wedding fuss or Xmas fuss Grin

That said, it's not a close friend, it's happening at a time that makes it a huge pain for you to go, so don't go.

Some posters are saying two nights away isn't a hassle. For me that would be a lot of cost and hassle at any time, I have done it for close friends but tbh I'm not sure I would again, especially if it comes in at the price it normally does. I think 2 nights in a hotel is a big ask and I think that journey is long too. Some days my work commute is 3 hours a day, so I'm not someone who lives in a small radius or anything. I just think it's a lot of hassle (and expense if that's an issue ) for the wedding of someone who isn't very very close.

Miffytastic · 28/10/2015 19:46

If it's a lovely friend you care about - go in the morning and stay over the one night

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 28/10/2015 19:51

We had to have my MiL's funeral on 23rd December last year - it was the only date we and the church could do before Christmas - so we knew that some people would be too busy to come, and we accepted that.

If this was my wedding, I'd have sent out the invitations under exactly the same premise - that, being so close to Christmas would make it difficult or impossible for some people to attend, and I would absolutely understand that.

Stillwishihadabs · 28/10/2015 19:54

There is a saying I like "the American's think 200 years is a lo g time, the British think 200 miles is a long way" (I do know you are in Ireland BTW)

MadeMan · 28/10/2015 19:54

I wouldn't go; I'm always too busy hanging up mistletoe during the christmas week.

sadwidow28 · 28/10/2015 19:58

I think anyone who chooses to have their wedding in Xmas week would have to brace themselves for a lot of 'no' responses

I got married on 21st December 1981.

And it was planned and executed within 7 weeks - so not a lot of notice.

It turned out to be simply spectacular. People who we thought would not be able to make it traveled huge distances to be with us even if they could only make it for the evening do. (Some came to the ceremony at 4.15pm and left before the wedding meal/evening do.)

Throughout the day we were privileged to have 270 guests celebrate our day with us.

If you don't want to attend - please decline politely. But please don't blame "Christmas" for your inability to re-organise a week of the year.

  • Get your Christmas shopping done a week earlier
  • Wrap your presents sooner
  • Organise your visits to family to deliver gifts for beginning of December rather than mid-December (if not, tell them that you are posting the Christmas presents this year so that you can attend a dear friend's wedding - and you'll see them at Easter instead)
  • Do an on-line shop for Christmas Dinner
  • Tell your family you are not available for the Christmas traditions on the Sunday/Monday
  • And don't over-indulge at the wedding where you feel 'wrecked' on the Wednesday!
WeAllHaveWings · 28/10/2015 20:00

Timing is a bit irrelevant as you have plenty of notice to work around it if you want to go. Christmas is once a year, your friend will (hopefully) only get married once. I'm sure she would love to have you there.

It is all down to how much of a friend they are and whether you can be bothered. I get the feeling they are not a great friend and you cant be bothered.

Youarentkiddingme · 28/10/2015 20:00

Id go. I'd probably drive up on the Monday and come home Tuesday but it's only October now - plenty of time to organise anything I'd normally do that week for another time.

wanderingwondering · 28/10/2015 20:02

Our favourite ever wedding (apart from our own) was on the 21st December. It was a 6 hour drive away and did necessitate a 2 night stay but it was, as others have said, magical. Everyone was happy and excited and the atmosphere was brilliant

lorelei9 · 28/10/2015 20:43

sadwidow, it's not an "inability" to reorganise. It's that OP doesn't want to and it's fine for her to feel that way.

Also, I should add, if anyone has Xmas with anyone other than immediate family, you could easily be committed on the other days around it.

ExitStageLeft · 28/10/2015 20:48

I'd be there in a flash, sounds brilliant and you've got more than enough time to organise yourself in preparation to not be "chasing your tail" all week.

cleaty · 28/10/2015 20:57

Of course it is an inability or a lack of desire to reorganise. That is fine, but of course it is possible. Although for some guests it may be impossible to get the leave to attend.

Headofthehive55 · 28/10/2015 21:01

sadwidow of course the op could drop everything to go to a wedding, perhaps she's not actually that bothered. I wouldn't miss seeing my parents for a wedding!

The point we are making is that Christmas week has a lot of social engagements already, for some of us, so trying to add a wedding in can be problematic if you do not wish to sacrifice other commitments. A wedding in say March enables one to have all the stuff without compromise at Christmas and the wedding. I like to have my cake and eat it!

lorelei9 · 28/10/2015 21:02

Cleaty, inability and lack of desire aren't the same thing at all.

A pp said it is odd how many of these threads we get. I agree. I think many of us just feel guilty not going to a wedding, it does feel like a summons. I think people most because they want some reassurance that it's okay not to go.

FudgeLoverYum · 28/10/2015 21:04

I would go but I usually have everything ready by the middle of December, present and decoration wise. Traditions are different though, I only have one and no I wouldn't miss it.

I think you should go if you want to go and prepare as much as possible in advance and try to fit in traditions. Being wrecked on wednesday...well only if you get very drunk, if you get a decent nights sleep then you should be fine.

If you don't want to go then decline. Just never accept and then don't turn up, then they have every right to be annoyed.

PiperIsTerrysChoclateOrange · 28/10/2015 21:05

I would go, but then again My pay day is 2 days before Christmas so the hectic things start then.

cleaty · 28/10/2015 21:12

I go to weddings of friends to support them, and help celebrate their love for each other. If I don't care about them, I would only go if I really want to. But generally I only get invited to weddings of people I care about or that my DP cares about.

choli · 28/10/2015 21:14

God, when did people get so miserable, all this "it's a wedding not a summons" grumpy stuff.

In Ireland? Around the time couples decided that wedding are now two day affairs including at LEAST one night in the hotel ending when the residents bar closes (around 4am) and a second day of partying. Including, of course, the obligitary cross country drive to a town and venue with which neither bride nor groom have any connection.

Add Christmas week to all of that crap, and I would 100% certainly decline.

UsedToBeAPaxmanFan · 28/10/2015 21:18

It sounds as though you don't want to go, and that's fine, so from that POV Yanbu. However, yabu to use the excuse of Christmas - it's 4 days before Christmas, not Christmas Eve. The vast majority of the country is at work for the 4 days before Christmas, and Christmas still happens.

If I was planning a wedding 4 days before Christmas, I wouldn't think people couldn't come because it's supposedly too close to Christmas Hmm. I would however expect some people to refuse because it's a weekday not a weekend.

Armi · 28/10/2015 21:51

I think you have to go. I'd grumble like fucking mad, too, though. There's enough going on at that time of year as it is and this adds another layer of outfit/shoes/bag/present faff to think about, no matter how organised you are.

I'd drive down in the morning, leave the wedding as early as is polite and drive home again.

I'd hate the thought of it too.

lorelei9 · 28/10/2015 22:06

Armi, why do you think the OP "has to go"?

Thumbcat · 28/10/2015 22:16

I'd go and enjoy it. A three hour drive is hardly a problem. You'll be home by lunchtime.

Armi · 28/10/2015 22:51

Lorelei9 perhaps I should have said that I would feel I had to go. I'm old fashioned, I know - it seems these days it's all the rage to do whatever one wants to do and tough shit if others don't like it. I just think it's the sort of thing that I'd feel obliged to go to because it's an old friend's wedding and it's important to them.

I'd be hellish pissed off, though, on one level, and would chunter to myself the whole way there. Think of the added cost at that time of year - all that wedding clobber, present, transport, hotels - on top of Christmas.

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