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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not go to a wedding during Christmas Week

136 replies

wellliesandleaves · 28/10/2015 15:33

An old school friend is getting married on 22nd Dec, which is the Monday of Christmas week. She is having the wedding in a small country village about 3 hours drive away. We don't really see each other that regularly any more, but try and catch up a couple of times a year.

I am always chasing my tail Christmas week trying to get everything done, there's a lot of family stuff on (much of it traditions that I love) and it's always a really busy week. I would have to travel down on Sunday afternoon and back up Tuesday morning, and would probably be absolutely wrecked on the Wednesday.

WIBU to regret the invitation? My sister reckons that, given it's Christmas week and they've chosen an awkward location, they will have to accept that some guests just won't want to go, but I don't want to hurt her feelings.

OP posts:
Funinthesun15 · 28/10/2015 16:02

All sounds a bit OTT, this wedding that's only three hours away requiring a two-night stay and leaving you "absolutely wrecked"!

^ this.

It sounds as if you are making a mountain of a molehill!

MatildaTheCat · 28/10/2015 16:06

I would try to go if logistics allowed. Christmas happens every year and you aren't even missing it. Your friend will, hopefully get we'd just the once.

You've got bags of time to get well ahead in organisation. Agree with others it could be a really beautiful occasion.

Can't think how gutted I would have been if half my friends could be bothered to put themselves out a bit for my wedding.Sad

Anotherusername1 · 28/10/2015 16:06

A wedding is a one-off for your friend (hopefully). Christmas happens every year.

I think a wedding comes first (if it's a good friend).

The only thing that would put me off is the fact that the weather can be a shocker at that time of year, and I hate driving in the dark. But if the weather is ok (it was last year but not for the three years preceding) and you can avoid too much driving on icy roads in the dark, I can't see the problem. You've two months to organise yourself for Christmas. Looking at the post above with loads of commitments in Xmas week, DO NOT go to the pantomime in Xmas week, go afterwards between Xmas and NYD. Do your shopping in advance and online. Nativity plays etc have probably finished by then as school will have finished (in England). If you need to make up beds, do them before. The only thing in that list which would be immovable is picking up someone from the airport if you have a similar commitment to the other poster.

MirandaWest · 28/10/2015 16:07

What time is the wedding?

RaptorInaPorkPieHat · 28/10/2015 16:08

I think if you REALLY wanted to go, you'd find time.

Go Sunday, enjoy Monday, back on Tuesday, that leaves Wednesday and Xmas eve to recover get shopping done (online shopping delivery would mean just out for fresh bits) everything can be wrapped in advance.

I think it could be a nice addition to the festive season. IF you want to go. It sounds to me that if it was someone closer to you, you would make time for it.

P.S. Xmas week to us means the week in between Xmas and new year

TheFairyCaravan · 28/10/2015 16:08

I'd go but then I interrupted "Christmas week" by giving birth on Christmas Eve!

BathshebaDarkstone · 28/10/2015 16:10

YANBU. I have enough to organise for, without going to a wedding as well! Shock

CheesyNachos · 28/10/2015 16:11

TBH I usually have a fairly easy Christmas, but I would find that hard. DS finishes school on the 22nd. My PILS arrive every year on the 21st and stay until the 28th. They are pretty easy really...... eat what I give them, sit by the fire. Watch TV. But I still have the end of the school year, plays, etc. It would just add an extra complication that would throw me off my stride. I would angst to death, but would prefer not to go to a Christmas wedding.

expatinscotland · 28/10/2015 16:12

Give it a miss. I don't get the fuss around weddings. It's just a party.

Muckogy · 28/10/2015 16:12

i would have declined already.
once i hit 40, i stopped trying to please other people, especially distant friends who give me very little thought.
life is short. fuck that.
its an invitation, not a summoms

HackerFucker22 · 28/10/2015 16:12

I wouldn't go for anyone other than family I love or dear friends.

I think if you pick that date and a location out of the way for the majority of your guests then you need to expect a lot of non attending replies.

BondJayneBond · 28/10/2015 16:17

I agree with your sister.

If they're getting married in Christmas week and they've chosen an awkward location, they will have to accept that some guests just won't want to go. It's a busy week for lots of people, what with school / nursery Christmas parties, nativity plays, Santa trips, carol services, getting food in for Christmas, travelling to relatives or getting ready for visiting relatives, etc.

It does sound like you're taking a lot of time out to attend the wedding (2 nights away), but i guess a lot of that could be dependent on the timings of the wedding and reception.

Christmas week is a common enough expression round here BTW.

Judydreamsofhorses · 28/10/2015 16:24

I wouldn't go - the whole week is going to be pretty busy because we're hosting Christmas day this year, and in actual fact I'm working (teacher, so not able to get time off for a wedding) anyway. I agree with the poster above who said about stopping trying to please other people all the time, tbh.

welliesandleaves · 28/10/2015 16:27

Mixed responses.

The reason I was planning to travel on the Sunday was because the wedding's at midday, and the three hour timescale was assuming no delays or roadworks or getting lost etc. But I suppose I could leave at 8am which gives me an extra hour. I genuinely would find a lot of driving plus a long day at a wedding really tiring and would be exhausted when I got home, but accept other people wouldn't. (Maybe it's an age thing).

My week leading up to Christmas day (Christmas week as it is generally called here in Dublin) is really busy. Relatives coming to stay, last minute shopping, carol service etc etc. I enjoy it, but it is really busy. I also work, so would have to go into work on the Wed and on Thurs morning, so my free hours are quite precious that week.

Anyhow, will reconsider going or will come up with a better excuse if I really can't face it.

MrsUltra · 28/10/2015 16:29

Agree with Muckogy
Always amazes me how people have to aske MN permission to decline an invite...
If you don't want to go, just, politely say no....

nightandthelight · 28/10/2015 16:30

I got married on the 21st December having always wanted a Christmas wedding. However DH and I were very clear that we were aware that it wouldn't be convenient for some people and that we were expecting some people not to be able to make it. It's an invitation, you can say no :)

welliesandleaves · 28/10/2015 16:30

Well, I was looking for opinions, not permission really.

Namechangenell · 28/10/2015 16:30

We had this once. Both worked in London, family at least five hours away for me, three for DH and we were invited to a wedding in the North East on December 27th. I think we were off work from the Christmas Eve afternoon and had to be back in on the 29th. It was my best friend from uni and we bust a gut to be there, but I wouldn't do it again. I think people have to accept that a wedding at am already busy time of year won't be as easy for many people to attend as normal.

MrsUltra · 28/10/2015 16:31

And why have to 'come up with a better excuse'? Just say, sorry can't make it, all best wishes for a lovely day...

GruntledOne · 28/10/2015 16:38

Why would you be wrecked by going to the wedding? I get it that it's a three hour journey each way, but you're not planning to do it all in one day. You've got seven weeks between now and then to get things organised, and maybe you could rearrange things so that someone else takes on some of the work in organising relatives (or maybe they delay their arrival?) and does the last minute stuff.

CheesyNachos · 28/10/2015 16:39

Not asking for opinions, more talking it over before coming to a decision. Like chatting with friends.

CheesyNachos · 28/10/2015 16:41

I meant, not asking for permission. I wrote 'opinions' when meant 'permission'.

DamnBamboo · 28/10/2015 16:41

It's one day. You have enough notice so can plan around it.
Just go if you want to.
But don't make excuse about being too busy because you could find the time and space if you really wanted to.

CheesyNachos · 28/10/2015 16:41

anyway - add sill working in the mix- my idea of hell wellies. YANBU to say you cannot attend.

TheOriginalMerylStrop · 28/10/2015 16:46

God, when did people get so miserable, all this "it's a wedding not a summons" grumpy stuff.

if its a good friend, go, it's totally doable. it's only 3 hours, one overnight, and it could be lovely.

if you are not fussed and would rather wait in for your tesco delivery/scramble round the shops even though christmas happens the same time every year/feel too fixed in your "traditions" that you can't accommodate deviating, even for one year, then politely decline, but don't go grousing about how it's their fault their wedding didn't fall in with your plans. oh and don't expect them to go to your stuff ever again.

disclaimer: this is if you are proper friends - if its you and a plus one at a wedding for 300 slightly different.

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