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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not go to a wedding during Christmas Week

136 replies

wellliesandleaves · 28/10/2015 15:33

An old school friend is getting married on 22nd Dec, which is the Monday of Christmas week. She is having the wedding in a small country village about 3 hours drive away. We don't really see each other that regularly any more, but try and catch up a couple of times a year.

I am always chasing my tail Christmas week trying to get everything done, there's a lot of family stuff on (much of it traditions that I love) and it's always a really busy week. I would have to travel down on Sunday afternoon and back up Tuesday morning, and would probably be absolutely wrecked on the Wednesday.

WIBU to regret the invitation? My sister reckons that, given it's Christmas week and they've chosen an awkward location, they will have to accept that some guests just won't want to go, but I don't want to hurt her feelings.

OP posts:
cjt110 · 28/10/2015 16:47

As someone with a birthday on 22nd Dec, sadly, you learn to accept people are busy that week and often cant attend your event for your birthday. But saying that, it's her wedding. Tricky one.

ThroughThickAndThin01 · 28/10/2015 16:51

I love a wedding, I'd go.

I'm not sure why a three hour drive requires a two night stay either.

GingerPCatt · 28/10/2015 16:52

Like a PP I got married on Dec 21 (it was a Sat that year). Some people couldn't come because they had other things on as it was so close to Christmas. We didn't mind as we knew it was a possibility when we picked the date.

Badders123 · 28/10/2015 16:53

Christmas is actually the season of advent which is 4 weeks long, starting the first Sunday of December.
Op...it's a tricky one.
It's her wedding BUT they have chosen a very busy time of year to get married. Many people go away, or have family activities. A lot of people also work right up to Xmas eve.
I think she will understand if you don't want to/can't go.
I do hope if the wedding is in a small village with no main roads the weather is kind to them though!

SantasLittleMonkeyButler · 28/10/2015 16:57

I'm totally split on this. On one hand, I'm always really busy for a week (or two) before Christmas so would find it hard to spare the time. On the other hand, I love weddings & Christmas weddings tend to be beautiful. A friend of mine had one & it was just lovely with a roaring fire at the venue & subtle white Christmas lights, snowflake themed decorations etc. etc.

I'd go if I possibly could, but with just the one night away. If you can't go though then YANBU. Attendance at a wedding is rarely compulsory & even more so at a time of year when people generally have lots of plans.

Tomatoesareyum · 28/10/2015 16:59

BIL got married on 27 December a few years ago 3 hours drive away. We went up on Boxing Day and back on the 28th, it was fab and the 250 guests didn't seem to have too much if a problem with it

PitBlackwell · 28/10/2015 17:00

Someone I knew got married on the 23rd. We went. It was full of people saying how they could have done without it. It massively ballsed up our Christmas Eve too, with 3 very grumpy, tired children. Never again.

(Also, full of people who had only just recovered from norovirus, but thought they should still come. Brilliant.).

steppemum · 28/10/2015 17:07

I would go.

I would not be staying 2 nights though. I would stay one night max, but actually I would probably drive up and down, and miss the evening do (let the bride know though). I am not that sold on evening dos at weddings, but I love the ceremony and the daytime stuff.

I think it would be lovely to take a day out from the business.

But it is a mindset I think.

TSSDNCOP · 28/10/2015 17:09

I would go, but then driving doesn't tire me and Christmas is all nailed bar food deliveries come the week before Christmas, so I can actually enjoy the Carol service and various invitations without distraction.

But that's definitely an age thing. Being able to say "it's just a bigger Sunday roast, no one cares if the sheets aren't ironed and hell yeah that's what Ocado is for" has all enhanced the Charistmas experience for me Grin

Narp · 28/10/2015 17:12

I think you should go. None of what you've said really constitutes a good enough excuse, IMO. I think you have enough forewarning to sort yourself out so you aren't too stressed. You just have to decide to go.

But stay one night

pearpotter · 28/10/2015 17:14

I would go, it's only a three hour drive. I've done that in a day before now.

TheOriginalMerylStrop · 28/10/2015 17:16

yy to TSSDNCOP - if christmas is so stressful and busy that people can't accommodate a wedding then they are doing it wrong

Narp · 28/10/2015 17:17

I also like TheOriginalMerylStrop's post

AJFsmummy · 28/10/2015 17:23

If you want to go then go, if not then, don't. As you said your not the closest of friends. I'm sure it will be no skin of her nose. They didn't get engaged, plan to get married for the one main reason you'll be going.

I don't understand though why people think the world stops for Christmas. Especially the few days before hand. Try running a business. You'll wish Christmas never existed if it wasn't for the kids.

yorkshapudding · 28/10/2015 17:24

If i was in your shoes would probably go but just stay one night.

On the other hand, I think that if people decide to get married on a Tuesday, a few days before Christmas they should probably anticipate that a lot of people can't make it. The run up to Christmas always really manic where I work, there's no way I'd be able to take 2 days off to travel to a midweek wedding so i'd imagine others will be in a similar predicament.

Badders123 · 28/10/2015 17:26

Maybe they are sort of counting on that?
People not coming, I mean
Don't see why a 3 hour drive necessitates a 3 day stay either...

LeaLeander · 28/10/2015 17:30

I would not go myself but that's because I'll be working on the 21st and already have my annual leave allocated for the rest of this year and early 2016. Many of your friend's invitees may be in the same circumstances and she must have realized that when selecting the date.

Christmas week is a very common term, it seems to me.

Gottagetmoving · 28/10/2015 17:31

An invitation is not an 'order' to attend. You are allowed to turn an invitation down at any time and you don't even have to give a reason. Why do people panic when they get an invitation?

Quietlyalert · 28/10/2015 17:37

if it was a good friend i'd go but otherwise not. Christmas week is precious to me, i take the time off work to visit my folks who live at the other end of the country to me, with their granddaughter who they hardly see, and that's my priority. if they're having it on a monday there's many people will have to take time off work too when they may have used all their leave for family priorities etc so they should be understanding if people cannot or choose not to attend.

nameinlights · 28/10/2015 17:41

I wouldn't go simply because weekday wedding really piss me off.

BackforGood · 28/10/2015 17:46

YANBU to turn down an invitation to any 'do' , if you don't want to go, but the logistics of this don't seem too tricky to me, if it were something you wanted to go to.
Another one here who isn't sure why you couldn't drive down on the Monday morning, nor why it's so impossible to use a day to do something nice because it's in the run up to Christmas - you've got heaps of notice, you just plan your ?? {whatever it is you are doing that makes it so busy that week} so that you can do it all without needing that Monday or the Tuesday morning when you drive back.
The only barrier as far as I can see is if you couldn't get time off work, but as you don't mention that, then I presume that's not an issue.

elliejjtiny · 28/10/2015 17:48

If it's convenient then go, if it's not then don't. You don't have to accept every wedding invitation.

If you really want to go, you can organise things around it. Last year we had hospital appointments for the DC on the 22, 23 and 24th of December. We had plenty of notice it was going to happen so we just made sure all the presents were wrapped by the 21st. Everything that needed doing last minute got slotted in and it was fine.

watchthebirdie · 28/10/2015 17:54

We went to a wedding on Boxing Day once.
Middle of nowhere in Scotland.
It was lovely.

oobedobe · 28/10/2015 17:54

Just drive up the day of the wedding and drive back the next morning. Not hard! You will be away 24 hrs and still have two days to do stuff before Christmas Day. But if you really don't want to go then don't!

DinosaursRoar · 28/10/2015 18:03

I'd go on the morning of the wedding, stay overnight then be home for lunch on the Tuesday. Understand having lots of traditions around christmas and lots to do, but you've got lots of warning, you can plan your "to do" stuff around it, get your food order done now, buy gifts in advance and wrap early, so you aren't feeling the pressure in the same way that week.

There might be an element of them hoping some people will decline so they get to not offend anyone by not inviting them, but they also get to have a smaller wedding...