To not go to a wedding during Christmas Week

[wellliesandleaves]

An old school friend is getting married on 22nd Dec, which is the Monday of Christmas week. She is having the wedding in a small country village about 3 hours drive away. We don't really see each other that regularly any more, but try and catch up a couple of times a year.

I am always chasing my tail Christmas week trying to get everything done, there's a lot of family stuff on (much of it traditions that I love) and it's always a really busy week. I would have to travel down on Sunday afternoon and back up Tuesday morning, and would probably be absolutely wrecked on the Wednesday.

WIBU to regret the invitation? My sister reckons that, given it's Christmas week and they've chosen an awkward location, they will have to accept that some guests just won't want to go, but I don't want to hurt her feelings.

Just don't go. She may have a reserve list of people and the place may as well go to someone who will be pleased to be there.

I am surprised on MN how many people won't put themselves out for friends. I would go, but would drive down in the morning. I like Christmas traditions, but it is no big deal to change them one year. And if my parents or in laws were staying with us, I would welcome the break.

If you can't make time to go to someone's wedding, could you really count yourself as a friend? Weddings cost a lot of money per head, there are always too many people to invite but she thinks enough of you to pay for you to attend and to prioritise you above other people.

I think if you go it will be a joyous occasion and you will be glad that you went. And if you end up a bit tired? Well, it really won't kill you!

Now I see that you live in Dublin you are being even more unreasonable . Because the Irish know how to do a great wedding and you should be used to driving on crap roads

I think you have been given plenty of notice to make arrangements if you want to go. If you don't, then don't. I got married on the 27th December and gave everyone a years notice. I didn't have any one decline.

For me it's not a simple case of "not putting myself out" for a friend and not so much it's just before Christmas (but obviously that makes it possibly harder to take annual leave) but the fact it's midweek....I get there are reasons for couples choosing a week day but for me that would involve taking time off work, if I take annual leave at Christmas that would be Christmas Eve to spend with my family.

I think posters need to realise they might not have the same commitments as the op.

We went to a Christmas wedding last year, it was close family so expected, but it made things very difficult.

I can't really take time off around Christmas - we might get a little but not a great deal. It did mean that slotting that in took the place of what would have been time to see one set of parents. (We have only a certain number of days DH and I can be off together!)

i have one day over the period that I can choose either to see my brother and family, ( and see him rarely as he lives several hours away ) or go to the evening do of this wedding. Hence I'd rather see him and his family than attend a wedding of a not so close cousin.

Yep, Christmas Week is defo a thing in our house, we have the hot chocolate and lights drive around, the planting elf seeds, the xmas play (the kids write it and act it, DP films it and we watch it xmas eve with mince pies and hot sweet cinnamon milk. We make and ice tree cookies and gingerbread houses. Drop the cards and cookies off around the village. There is the carol singing, the sally army band to hear, the City lights to see, not to mention all the xmas baking there is. happiest mayhemiset time of the year bar non! That being said, I read an article last year about how one couple decided to just have a roast dinner and no presents at Christmas as they felt it was too commercial and felt their DC (6 and 8 I think???) would be better off without the 'willful suspension of disbelief' that was required around Christmas. I cried for their sproglets :(

Headofhives - that's your situation, not the OP's

I can understand the OP, she doesn't want to drive on the morning of the wedding in case she gets delayed and it's a bit of a rush to get there on time. At weddings and especially Irish ones I imagine a fair bit of drinking goes on so I wouldn't want to be driving back the next morning, tired or nursing a hang-over so get the timescales she's given

I like all that last minute stuff in Christmas week and if you don't fancy fitting in a wedding and would rather concentrate on your family Christmas than a not so close friend then I think you should do that

Yes original I was sympathising, with the op, people seem to think it's Straightforward - it's not always, and extra things being slotted in can have shock waves that run through the week.

It's not always as simple as ordering shopping online. That's all I'm saying.

Ok KKcupcakes what Christmas movie do you live in?

I'm super jealous.

I always think people are very selfish when they hold weddings at times that are family times for other people. Christmas and the time around it is the time of year when everyone is busy seeing their families and extended families, particularly when so many people have to make plans to sort out children between ex partners etc.

If you don't feel like going don't go. It would be better if the wedding was after Christmas as the run up to Christmas IS busy, regardless of what some people on here say. I've just ordered my turkey pack to be delivered on 22nd. Glad I'm not invited to a wedding then!

Cor I think it sounds lovely! A Christmassy wedding - how fab!

You have two months to get your presents bought and wrapped up.

G'wan, you might enjoy it!

go to the wedding..get pissed... happy christmas

you're slighly overthinking it

even slightly

If I was your friend I would be a bit hacked off - you could easily go on the day and stay one night.
You have the weekend before for shopping etc and will be back on the Tues by lunchtime.
I would definitely go - but it looks like you don't really want to and that in itself is fair enough but using the whole 'Christmas week' bollocks is just an excuse.

YANBU to not go to a wedding you don't want to go to/are too busy to go to.

'Christmas week', though...

Xmas is neither here nor there. Its the same as any other time, if there are things you would rather do than attend the wedding, do that. But don't expect your friendship to necessarily survive your choice.

I'm getting married Christmas week - 27th - and it's never occurred to me that the date would be unreasonable to some people! However YWNBU as long as you gave plenty of notice. You shouldn't feel forced to go to any wedding.

KKCupcakes, all that sounds very lovely, and gorgeous (so long as you don't insist everyone does all of it into their 20s and beyond in some crazed controlling manner)...but ....this may be sacriledge: a lot of this is flexible and could happen at any time in December...nice things to do but not more important than a good friend's wedding, a chance to catch up and be with other old friends..

I would go. You have ages to get organised for Christmas. I would either go up on the day and stay overnight. Or I would go the evening before.

It priorities imo. Either she is worth fitting into an already busy week or she isnt.

If DH and I are important enough to a couple to receive an all day wedding invite then we do try our best to attend. "Its a busy week" wpuldnt be a strong enough excuse for me.

Id drive down the morning of the wedding and leave after breakfast the following day.

I went to a wedding on 23rd Dec once, about 3 hours away. It was awesome. A beautiful winter wedding. So glad we went.

Admittedly it was sort of en route to where we needed to go anyway which helped.

I think you're looking for excuses not to go tbh. Which is fine, but don't blame it on being Christmas week. Most people would be working Mon-Thurs that week anyway and they cope...

Also I would definitely go in the morning, 8am start isn't exactly crack of dawn.