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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ditch this entire group of friends?

58 replies

LoveMenchies · 27/10/2015 17:07

I've namechanged for this as it might make me identifiable.

I am friends with a group of mums from my DCs school. One mum in particular is very hard work, and gets very catty and nasty about others, with much foot stamping if she cannot have her own way. She falls out with people on a regular basis. Everyone seems to know what she is like and moans about her a lot.

About a year ago she got very cross with me as her DD didn't get invited to my DD's party. The girls don't particularly hang around with each other at school, although they did when they were younger, and DD only had a very small party at home with 3 friends invited.

Instead of talking to me about it, the mum phoned me up and was utterly vile to me on the phone. It was like a poison pen letter in phone call form. I tried to explain that it was nothing personal and that DD had chosen 3 friends only , but she just gave me an earful of abuse and told me not to speak to her again. That night, my new car was keyed in my driveway. As this woman had talked before about cars that she had keyed in the past I concluded that it must be her. She has since snubbed me and refused to talk to me, although does make horrible comments loudly in front of me.

I have told the others about how she behaved and although they were sympathetic and have continued moaning about her, she is still very much included in the group of friends.

We have a day out planned in a couple of weeks and this woman has been invited and tbh I know she will just be a total and utter cunt to me on the day out. And it's just dawned on me really that these friends, despite knowing what she is like, are not loyal to me in any way and are happy for her to just be vile to me.

AIBU to ditch the lot of them?

OP posts:
minimalist000001 · 27/10/2015 17:10

Don't the friends say anything at all?

What sort of thing does she say to you in front of them?

LineyReborn · 27/10/2015 17:10

Oh God yes just dump them.

Do you want revenge ideas? Grin

babyconverse · 27/10/2015 17:11

I think that's fair enough. Take a step back from the group for a while and let them get on with it

Chilledmonkeybrains · 27/10/2015 17:11

Presuming you have plenty of other, better friends then go for it!

Do it gradually and quietly though, don't make a drama out of it.

Imogenlasting · 27/10/2015 17:12

If it's not possible to be friendly with them without keeping this woman out of your way, then YANBU.

Are they close friends, or just a group you hang around with because your dds go to the same school? The latter type of friendship often runs its course quite quickly.

LadyLonely1 · 27/10/2015 17:14

Well maybe they have heard another version of what's happened and have decided not to take sides and let you both grown women deal with it yourselves??

laffymeal · 27/10/2015 17:15

This is quite common with a very forceful and nasty personality like this. The others are cowards and are too shit scared to stand up to her. They'll justify this with "she's always been alright with me" and will look for ways to blame you for provoking her. One day they'll be on the receiving end of her shite and will be dismayed when no one supports them.

If you have other people you can rely on OP, dump away.

Sighing · 27/10/2015 17:16

Let them get on with their crap (and install cctv).
Shame no one has reported their suspicions to the Police. Silly cow.

Booyaka · 27/10/2015 17:17

Well you can if you want. But at the same time I think you would be rather cutting off your nose to spite your face. The woman sounds absolutely vile. But you really can't dictate who other people are friends with. I think you would be a lot better off just explaining to the other friends that you don't like this woman and you will not be attending events she goes to. Then it's up to them to invite her or you, and I'm afraid you'll just have to respect whatever decision they make.

Demanding that other people dump her and disinvite her is all a bit school yardish. You don't have to associate with this woman, and it may be that your friendships with the other women die a natural death if you choose not to attend events where you know this woman will be. But to ask people to take sides and dump them as friends if they don't do what you want really does seem a bit extreme and, well, silly.

Original poster
LoveMenchies · 27/10/2015 17:18

laffy, that is exactly what they're like!

LadyLonely they have seen her be a total and utter cunt to me and just stood there, plus they ALL moan about her and what she's like.

OP posts:
Original poster
LoveMenchies · 27/10/2015 17:19

Booyaka that is how I was intending to do it, just not go to things she is at and just let them invite her instead if they want to. I wasn't going to make a huge thing about ditching them.

I don't feel like I can carry on being friends with them when they know and have seen her behaviour yet just carry on being pally with her.

OP posts:
Duckdeamon · 27/10/2015 17:21

Keying cars! Shock

LadyLonely1 · 27/10/2015 17:22

Ok if they have witnessed it themselves then best to distance yourself and not put yourself in a situation were you are being mistreated.

whois · 27/10/2015 17:22

laffymeal has the nub of it i think

Original poster
LoveMenchies · 27/10/2015 17:23

They have also all been on the receiving end of her wrath at some point or another. She is very demanding and rude, and has tantrums about things if people won't do as she pleases.

OP posts:
Muckogy · 27/10/2015 17:31

yeah, dump them.
and find new friends who aren't chickenshits.

suzannecaravaggio · 27/10/2015 17:34

she sounds like extremely bad news, not very subtle or clever in her punishments, one day she'll take the piss out of someone much crueler than she is

maybe if you make a stand the sheep in her entourage will follow your example?

minimalist000001 · 27/10/2015 17:34

More details. What does she say? You haven't given specifics.

I'm on the fence. Maybe she has some great redeemable qualities that you are missing? Maybe they are more connected to her despite her abruptness.

It's fine for you to leave the friendship group. HOWEVER it's unreasonable to make them choose between friends.

Floggingmolly · 27/10/2015 17:36

She had talked about cars she had keyed in the past? Hmm

Idefix · 27/10/2015 17:38

Yanbu LoveMenchies.
I did this a year ago and have never looked back.
Whilst the others in the group moan and roll their eyes when the bully behaves like this they will not stick up for you. I did not feel that I had cut my nose off as such because in the end I felt no respect for the other women were involved.

Good luck op and don't forget to smile benignly as you sail past them in the playground as you wish them a good morning Grin

Original poster
LoveMenchies · 27/10/2015 17:40

Yes she has keyed several cars before apparently.

minimalist, from the amount that they slag her off she doesn't seem to have redeemable qualities. And in any case she won't speak to me so it's not like I could overlook her behaviour.

OP posts:
QuintShhhhhh · 27/10/2015 17:41

You know the old saying "Keep your friends close, and your enemies even closer". I think this is what is happening here. The others know not to fall out with her, so they dont.

I would just slowly pull out of all group meet ups, and focus on building relationships with them in smaller groups without her.

MissMarpleCat · 27/10/2015 17:45

She keyed your new car because you didn't invite her dd to a party??
She sounds deranged. Yanbu

Onedirectionarestillloved · 27/10/2015 17:46

I agree with quit.
There is no way I would ever speak to that woman again, ever.

SlaggyIsland · 27/10/2015 17:49

I would dump the lot of them. I would certainly not be friends with someone I saw behaving in such a vile way, these women sound weak and spineless.
One sees "judgmental" used as a slur, but frankly some people don't judge enough.

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