DH in his infinite wisdom allows DD to wander about in the dark

[BlackGirlAndRobin]

DH drives me potty!

Yet again he's allowed Dd 18 months out of her cot. She's been padding around the landing for well over an hour in the dark. Invariably DD2 then wakes up DD1, so we then have both of them up at silly o'clock. Meanwhile DH is fast asleep in bed, ignoring the fact that having an unsupervised 18 month old wandering about in the dark is not on.

He doesn't get that he's being unreasonable, my attempts at teaching him how to resettle DD2 are pretty much ignored in favour of doing whatever is the least hassle for him. I am f**king exhausted with parenting alone and with him being compeletely inadequate.

And to top it off he's out most of the day for the rugby again, leaving me with tired grumpy kids.

So he just got her up and went back to bed? I'd be fuming!

Leave the house before he does, let him deal with the aftermath.

He gets her up because she's fussing teething for whatever reason then goes back to bed leaving her wandering on the landing.

That's complete insanity. A small toddler just wandering about in the dark alone is bloody horrible.

I am
You need to have words, that seriously can't happen!

Please show your DH this thread...... he thinks it's ok to allow an 18 month old to wander around in the dark?!? just what planet is he on?!?

I'm going to show him this thread later. Fed up with trying to explain it to him.

Granted we have floor to ceiling windows so it's not pitch black iykwim. And we do have a stairgate up. But still it's the lack of supervision that annoys me. His unwillingness to see that it's unacceptable.

I would go loopy. I would be putting toddler ion out bed on his side. Let's see him sleep then. Alternatively a kick in the ribs to raise him from his slumber and take your toddler back into her bed. I feel for you. That's slack pare ting on his part.

Thanks for confirming I'm not loopy by the way. As we've just had a massive barney over it.

that's not on!

I would be tempted to leave the house early so he has to deal with the grumpy DC.

It's not the dark that is the problem, it's the lack of supervision. I'd be beyond livid if DH left our toddler unsupervised while he slept in the daytime! If they are awake and you are asleep then they need to be contained in the cot. If he decides she needs to be out of the cot then he needs to be supervising her.

Blimey, thst verges on neglect doesn't it?
How woukd he explain himself if she had an sccident?

That's just ridiculous! What does he say when you challenge him? Just can't imagine what goes through his head. If DD (23 months) wakes up and is unsettled, one of us (usually DH as we have an EBF 3 month old too) goes in and tries to settle her back to sleep (cuddles, rubbing her back etc). If it doesn't work and she's wide awake, he gets up with her and takes her downstairs to start the day! Obviously if it's the middle of the night they wouldn't go downstairs, but under no circumstances would she be allowed out of her cot unsupervised.

That's just nuts . Presumably she can't even go back to bed if she wants to?!

That's awful! I also think you should go out before him! He needs to start being a parent and pulling his weight! I've literally never heard of anyone doing that!

That's madness. What planet is he living in?

I'm not sure what the answer to this is (would a stairgate in her bedroom door help?) but I guess you can trust him to do the night duties - which means he needs to step up to the plate in the day. I'd be bloody furious if my DH did this then fucked off to the rugby; he could forget me doing anything for him for the foreseeable future.

(Sorry for typos, am still half awake!)

She's still in cot so no she can't get back to bed herself.

He doesn't often settle her as a result DD will sometimes play up and only want me. When DH is obviously not working I'll expect him to get up and see to her, it doesn't happen very often because he gives up after 10mins then I have to take over. He's always been pretty clueless when it comes to night waking with both DDs.

If she did get into any mischief we wouldn't know because we'd all be fast asleep. Yes, it is neglectful.

Stairgate on her bedroom door would work but that's not the issue here. The issue is getting him to understand that taking her out of bed at 3/4 am then leaving her to it is not on.

I remember my exH taking my 12 month old DS downstairs at 1am with all the lights on because "he was awake and clearly wanted to play". He got it loud and clear that it was a really stupid idea and that children sometimes need help to settle and not get up to play!

What does he expect her to do after getting her up? to wander around until she magics her self back into her cot asleep.

He shows a lack of interest in parenting and lack of respect for you.

He takes her out of bed at 3am and leaves her to it?!? What an irresponsible twat. You can't just opt out of parenting like that. Lucky for him he has you to pick up the pieces isn't it?

Blue, we get that too here. All lights on at 3am, goes downstairs with DD2 starts banging around, makes toast etc, again DD1 wakes up as she's a light sleeper.

I agree complete lack of interest in parenting. And a lack of respect too. It's me who reads all the books. Spends time thinking of the best approach especially sleepwise, then implement it, only for him to bloody do as he pleases.

He does what?! YANBU. So what happens after he's left her unsupervised and gone back to bed? Does she just stay rattling around until you happen to get up? Doesn't she get cold, the wee toots? That's just miserable.

How does he justify this btw? It just seems totally bizarre.