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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DH in his infinite wisdom allows DD to wander about in the dark

73 replies

BlackGirlAndRobin · 25/10/2015 05:46

DH drives me potty!

Yet again he's allowed Dd 18 months out of her cot. She's been padding around the landing for well over an hour in the dark. Invariably DD2 then wakes up DD1, so we then have both of them up at silly o'clock. Meanwhile DH is fast asleep in bed, ignoring the fact that having an unsupervised 18 month old wandering about in the dark is not on.

He doesn't get that he's being unreasonable, my attempts at teaching him how to resettle DD2 are pretty much ignored in favour of doing whatever is the least hassle for him. I am f**king exhausted with parenting alone and with him being compeletely inadequate.

And to top it off he's out most of the day for the rugby again, leaving me with tired grumpy kids.

OP posts:
Believeitornot · 25/10/2015 07:10

I'd be taking over all night waking as tbh I wouldn't be able to sleep if that were my DC. Priority is the child's safety.
I'd also read him the riot act! What a selfish lazy good for nothing man. My dh did and still does loads of night wakings. Even when the kids would scream for me, he would still settle them - rarely calling for me to take over.

Original poster
BlackGirlAndRobin · 25/10/2015 07:13

Usually I hear her and get up and go to the spare room to co sleep. I ripped DH a new one earlier this morning for the umpteenth time. His response was "she's not settling" " doesn't want to sleep" etc. as far as I'm concerned he not interested in trying to settle her as someone else said up thread, he knows when he gives up I'll come to the rescue.

She doesn't get cold as she got one of those grow bags with arms and legs.

OP posts:
Queenbeans · 25/10/2015 07:16

I'm a bit confused . You were aware she'd been wandering around for an hour but you didn't get up yourself and see to her ? Yes of course he's being an idiot as everyone says but why are you opting out of sorting her out ? You can't leave her alone just to make your point . So you're both ignoring her? Or are you not there ?

SouthWesterlyWinds · 25/10/2015 07:16

So what would he do if you went away for a night plus day? This almost makes me want to do that but not really as I wouldn't like anything to happen or your DD getting hurt.

Queenbeans · 25/10/2015 07:17

I've just re read your op. You knew she was padding about for an hour yet you just lay there yourself?

RollingRollingRolling · 25/10/2015 07:21

How the fuck does he expect her to go back to sleep if she can't get back in her cot or can't walk properly wearing a grow bag?!

Original poster
BlackGirlAndRobin · 25/10/2015 07:24

I wasn't aware because I was fast asleep. It's only when I woke up to her in the landing did I realise she's been up a while. DH said he took her out of her cot because she wasn't settling.

Yes he's a twat. I'm not opting out to parenting my child, I'm just trying to figure out if I was fair in my reaction to him this morning. MN jury have sided with my view that it is completely insane.

I went away for 4 days in August and as far as I know he just got on with it. If I'm here then apparently it's my job.

OP posts:
Moln · 25/10/2015 07:32

He just wants to sleep himself doesn't he, so goes for the easiest option of getting her up, but he won't actually look after her because number one priority is him. In other words he's a selfish and lazy parent.

Also on aside why is he out most of the day for the rugby? I'm assuming you mean the World Cup, there's one 80 minute match today at 4, that's it.

Queenbeans · 25/10/2015 07:32

They're two separate issues. Him being an idiot and you not waking up. Maybe he feels he's doing all the night stuff while you sleep through? I dunno. I'm amazed you can sleep through your child walking about .

However that aside he's not in the right here at all so you need to spell it out to him. I agree with everyone else . I just find it odd that you are sleeping through all this

cansu · 25/10/2015 07:41

I think it should simply be made clear that if he decides to take her out of the cot he must get up with her or take her into bed and look after her. Leaving her alone is not on. Maybe you can have baby gate on your room too and a basket of toys do she can play in your room if needs be.

Shakirasma · 25/10/2015 07:46

This needs sorting urgently. Will he be so indifferent when your poor DD is in A and E being treated for some inevitable injury she will sustain from being left unsupervised?

Will he think it's fuss about nothing when he's trying to justify his lazy actions to social services, after the a and e staff have, quite rightly, reported grave concerns of neglect?

honeysucklejasmine · 25/10/2015 07:49

Moln probably her DH is playing this morning for local club before watching the game with the lads this afternoon.

OP, I really feel for you. If he wants to get her up, he needs to stay with her, or take her to co-sleep in the other room. Do you suppose he's making some sort of point that she is waking him up, whilst you are "sleeping through"?

differentnameforthis · 25/10/2015 07:50

Leave the house before he does, let him deal with the aftermath. trouble is, that "aftermath" could involve a hurt toddler.

GingerIvy · 25/10/2015 07:56

When you were away he probably did this too as he seems to think it is perfectly fine even though it's not. Even a stair gate on her bedroom door isn't great. What if she decided to try to climb into the cot and fell resulting in an injury?

Moln · 25/10/2015 08:01

Possibly honeysucklejasmine, it was the use of 'again' that made me think it was just to watch. Suggested to me that he was out most of the day yesterday too.

sandgrown · 25/10/2015 08:11

If this happened during the night and DC would not settle we just brought them in bed with us and they often ( not always) fell asleep again.

Bakeoffcake · 25/10/2015 08:11

I couldn't live with someone who was so stupid and neglectful with a toddler.

He seriously has no idea does he?

EatDessertFirst · 25/10/2015 08:35

There aren't really any suitable insults for this type of idiocy. I've never heard anything so ridiculous in my life.

Your husband is a twat. A neglectful twat. He is putting your child at risk and sleeping through it.

Like a PP said, how would he explain injuries your tiny child could sustain from being left wandering a landing alone, in the dark at night? Breathtaking stupidity.

StillStayingClassySanDiego · 25/10/2015 08:42

I wouldn't show him this thread, bloody daft advice. Like he's going to listen to random anonymous off a forum.

He's a twat, some of them never step up to the mark and do the right thing, I suspect your dh is one of them.

kirsty1988 · 25/10/2015 08:45

Poor little girl wandering around by herself in the dark. My 18mo DS would be inconsolable. Shock I can't imagine a scenario where he wouldn't be shouting for me or his dad out of loneliness and at the very least boredom.

Your DH is a twat! Needs a serious crash course in parenting! Even ignoring the danger of the situation, he is bang out of order leaving a baby to play alone in the dark, it's cruel. Sad

woodythecar · 25/10/2015 08:51

What an irresponsible, neglectful piece of shit.

How on earth does he justify himself? Personally I could not continue in a relationship where the other party clearly didn't give a shit about our kids safety.

Fairenuff · 25/10/2015 09:10

He's always been pretty clueless when it comes to night waking with both DDs.

This always makes me smile.

He's not clueless, he's just a crap parent who chooses to put his desire to sleep above the safety and wellbeing of his child.

I don't think he will change OP. Feel sorry for you Sad

Potatoface2 · 25/10/2015 09:33

if it was me i would go to bed....all quiet and then if one of them wakes up, get up yourself, put all the lights on, tv on really loud, start banging around, making a noise...get the kids to play with the loudest toys (buy a mini drumset)....and just wake him up (preferably on a work day for him)...and say 'oh did we disturb you'....see what he says to that !

DoreenLethal · 25/10/2015 09:35

What does he expect will happen once the child gets bored of running around? She is too little to get back into bed so is she just expected to collapse on the floor? Or [and more probably] she will make enough noise to wake you and you will come along and sort it out?

Crazypetlady · 25/10/2015 09:36

He isn't a good enough parent to be left responsible for your dd at night. I'm sorry O.P it must be shit for you.

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