to think this mother's attitude is far from typical

[nippiesweetie]

www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2015/oct/24/a-letter-to-my-10-year-old-son-who-needs-to-hear-a-few-home-truths

Her poor son. A letter that should have been written, read and discarded, I think.

Sorry Fatrascals but are we suppose to be such complete martyrs that it is a badge of honour that we are above and better than women who still care about looking good in a bikini past Motherhood. I'm going to admit that I still care and yes I do feel entitled to respect sometimes as I do most of the donkey work for my two Sons. The other day I told my 8 year old that he was selfish and entitled and had no idea what he does to me when he stresses me out. Does this mean I don't love my boys - no does it fuck.

I know it's just an anonymous rant but really, not a good way to view the world or your child.

Sacrifice to gain control via indebtedness - underhand manipulative ness and an abuse of power.

My mother lived that horrible way of thinking, and like others, it's left me damaged and without a parental relationship. Perhaps that's the problem with this article - the writer may just be venting, trying out this mode of thinking for exaggeration and for rant purposes only, but unfortunately people really do behave like this as a way of life, not just in an article!

Making sacrifices that someone hasn't asked you to, that they weren't in a position to even understand or consent to... and then presenting them with the bill, a maxed out credit card that the child didn't even know had been taken out in his/her name, that they can only pay off with subservient submission, or constant thankfulness... Not a parenting technique I admire, to put it mildly.

I actually found it hard to read; it really upset me . I hope she never actually gave this letter to her son.

I thought of my own DS (21 next week) who at age 10 was definitely challenging. There was never a single moment that I would have thought he was ungrateful let alone tell him any of that drivel in the letter.

I'm hoping that the mum didn't mean to be so selfish-sounding in her letter, and just ended up sounding a bit one-sided by accident (I like to think the best of people). Sometimes you can write things meaning one thing, but other people interpret what you have written completely differently.

(Eg, saying something is 'wicked' could be interpreted as evil, or meaning something is really cool)

However, the letter as it stands does read that the boy is guilty of ruining her life, career, looks etc, which is a shame.

I've just read it again online. It's baaad.

I wonder what she'll think when she sees it in black and white...

Miscellaneous you've said exactly what I tried to, but wasn't as concise or exact at saying.

stopfaffing It upset me too.

She sounds really resentful. How did he stop her wearing a bikini (amongst all the other stuff)? Surely that's just her own insecurity? And she already had a child - did he not leave a mark on her precious body?

There is a also a big difference between saying to your teen or preteen, "i've run you about to all your clubs that you wanted to go to this week and haven't complained, so don't moan when you are asked to clear the table to help me" and blaming the child for your lack of career options.

There is a also a big difference between saying to your teen or preteen, "i've run you about to all your clubs that you wanted to go to this week and haven't complained, so don't moan when you are asked to clear the table to help me" and blaming the child for your lack of career options

Exactly. She is saying he should be grateful for her not having pain relief and for breastfeeding him. He had no choice or say in any of that. They are things that she chose to do and now seems to resent him for.
I honestly think that she ordered a perfect baby and has now taken delivery of a normal preteen.

Yes. And you can choose to retain your autonomy and not go to every football and rugby match if you don't want to. To engender in your child the feeling that they can be their own cheerleaders sometimes.

That's just begging for a "I never asked to be born" response isn't it? Absolutely. Not to mention all the cringing when she tells him about his birth and breastfeeding.

On the other hand she's getting paid for writing this, presumably. DH and DS both said they wondered if it was just written for the article, rather than being real.

I came on here because I knew there would be a thread about it

Yes, it is awful. I cringed so hard I think I've done my back in.

""I wonder what she'll think when she sees it in black and white...""

If she's a real reader, then she is probably happy that her piece of fiction has got her £25.

These "letters" aren't verified to be real, or if they are, they aren't ever meant to be shared with the people they are about, hence titles such as "to the Mother of the boy who raped my Daughter".

I'm surprised that there haven't been a few entitled "to the Crazy Woman who shouted at me whilst I was legitimately (through disability) parked in a P&C space"

Larry

It's not a fortune. £25

No mention of joy, no mention of fun. Did she rear him entirely out of a sense of duty?

And weird rational for her ds showing her some respect. should he be taught only to respect people who gave birth to him (presumably a cohort of one) or people who do things for him? What about showing respect/manners to other people because we are form part of a society and it works better when we are decent to each other. Or even do as you would be done by? or the golden rule?

Does it say the fee is £25 Narp or are you the writer ?

Ugh horrible letter

Barely a week goes by when I am not reminded of how awful my birth was, how huge I was, exactly how many stitches were needed and where (that was really the pep talk I needed just before giving birth to dd1), how much agony I caused....oh and the years of back ache, lack of sleep....and don't even start me on the teenage years.....

I am 46, mum, I have kind of got it now thanks!

I vow never to do this to my children - my feelings about their births and childhoods, is my shit, not theirs.

Larry

Eh?

It says so on the Guardian website.

Larry

hazey - your last sentence- YY.

What a lot of self indulgent twaddle! She wanted a child, she made those life choices. That doesn't mean she can't complain occasionally, we're all human, but it is wrong to guilt trip the child for not being sufficiently grateful. Publicly bringing up the fact that he peed his pants after being potty trained was particularly petty and nasty. She seems controlling as she wants to manipulate him into behaving in a certain way. Talking back is a normal part of 10 year olds testing the boundaries, I dread to think how she will react when he reaches his teens and really tries to establish his own independent identity. Even though she doesn't intend him to read the letter, she really seems to resent him and I think that will be apparent in her attitude towards him and he will pick up on it. She should have kept that lucrative career so she could save for his future therapy bills.

Ooooh, maybe I'll write a letter too.

Dear dc I am fat because of you not all the chocolate I eat so please do everything I say and be bloody grateful.

Where do I get my £25.

Thank you Narp and Pipbin. I read this on Facebook so I didn't know it was a regular feature.

I'm just appalled that she weaned with purees, rather than choosing the BLW route.

I don't think she can actually love her son at all.