to think this mother's attitude is far from typical

[nippiesweetie]

www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2015/oct/24/a-letter-to-my-10-year-old-son-who-needs-to-hear-a-few-home-truths

Her poor son. A letter that should have been written, read and discarded, I think.

Not the sort of letter I'd want any of my own DCs to ever read. It's a bit much going into detail about the birth for one. Poor kid.
The response from a lot of DCs would probably be 'I never asked to be born'.

NotEmptyNow - I have a 10yo son. He can be infuriating. Lazy, demanding, thoughtless, self-absorbed, rude, distracted etc etc. But it just wouldn't occur to me to even think in response to that that he was dissing all my parental acts and sacrifices. He is told off and corrected becuase I want him to learn to behave decently to me and everyone else.

And he can also be kind, funny, sweet, caring, constructive, cooperative. I love his company. Nowhere did this woman think to write 'I don't mind, because you're brilliant and I also have so much funwith you'. No, it's all 'I don't mind, because I am an amazing parent.'

So this goes quite a way beyond a vent IMO.

NotEmptyNow yeeeesssss, but the fact that 10 years on she's going all the way back to labour and breastfeeding, etc, rather than anywhere else, does suggest that she's not moved on from that in a way that I would expect.

I can barely remember the details of DS's birth and early years now, because what's happened since is so much more in the front of my mind. And he's only 6. The things I do remember are silly things which make me smile, like DH driving off in the wrong direction rather than to the hospital when I was in labour.

Isn't this how all parents feel though? At some time or other I mean, obviously not every day. I am rather partial to saying 'I made you, OUT OF MY BODY' when I'm feeling particularly pissed at one of my DC. It makes us all laugh really.

My DC are 13 though, not 10. Really really enjoy your ten year olds

Isn't this how all parents feel though?

No...

You never feel utterly fed up and pissed off at your DC? Never? Blimey!

Yes, but not that he owes me for parenting him.

I'd love to hear from her parents what she was like!

Yes, nipple

I have had those thoughts then discarded them, as you say. That's the part I sympathise with. When you are doing your best, your child's rude, and it feels like a personal slight/attack, even though it's not.

She's a step beyond that, though, by sending it to the paper.

I wonder whether the thoughts we are talking about arise out of other circumstances of our lives making us feel unfulfilled. Not the child's fault, not the child's responsibility

I read this letter earlier and thought it was absolutely horrible. The writer comes across as a joyless, resentful mummy martyr. There's no love or warmth in there at all....I know she says she loves him at the end but it doesn't sound like that.

I have a 10 year old son and yes he has his moments of being stroppy, badly behaved and rude and he can drive me to exasperation...but he's also lovely, funny and kind.

isn,t she wonderful to have gone through all that for her child .NO she chose to get pregnant so she chose to have a less than perfect body to have less sleep .to have to give up her career to cut up bits of paper .what an idiot the poor boy must feel so unloved god if i was to write a letter everytime my sons had done something wrong .i would have had writers cramp .

What is that smell. Oh it's burning martyr.

I am sure we have all thought some if not all of what this person writes and I daresay we may have vocalised some of it more often than we should to our dc. But to put it in writing and send it to a newspaper. What on earth was she thinking.

I read that letter and thought it was awful too.
I think her problem is that she had a baby without fully realising that they would grow up to be a preteen and a teenager. Now that he has his own personality and thoughts she isn't so keen on him. She wants her baby back.

Yuck. I feel creeped out imagining her pride at having it published. I hope to god she doesn't make him read it. He's 10. Home truths indeed.

Any parent who expects a ten-year-old to have the emotional maturity and appreciation of a 25 year old is a moron.

What I find most deserving is there is no mention of her elder son. She rants on about all the sacrifices she made for him and how ungrateful he is. But not a peep about his older brother. Perhaps she feels he shows her sufficient gratitude to avoid a rant. But it feels like this boy might be being scapegoated. It sounds like the mother focuses every little frustration in her life as something which is down to this boy.

"I don't mind...I don't mind....." - well you obviously bloody do otherwise you wouldn't have written this stupid letter!!!!

"A lot of it is very, very tedious, repetitive and dull" - nice! Really nice thing to say to your son

Sounds like she is just going through the motions of being a Mother but not really getting what it means to be a Mum
It's a thankless, selfless task - everyone knows that's what you sign up for!

I'm bloody glad my kids take me for granted, they should be able to. Doing your best for your child is par for the course, them being naughty - rude, disrespectful, silly or irritating - sometimes is too. They're still learning to be people

Glad to see this thread, I read that piece earlier on and thought it was horrible.

I get some of what the author was on about, that it's bloody difficult and naturally thankless being a mum/ a parent. But the whole overriding tone of 'you should be grateful, I've sacrificed so much for you' etc, that was nasty, manipulative and as Pictish says, it's really asking for an 'I didn't ask to be born'.

Reminds me of the type of thing my mum said repeatedly to me when growing up. All about her suffering, her sacrifices, her everything, her her her. The fact is, life with a martyr mother is very depressing for everyone. Especially the child. I felt guilty for existing.

I don't enjoy several parts of being a mum. That's not my child's fault. It's mine. I selfishly wanted a child. I had one, for ME. My satisfaction, my ambition was fulfilled by becoming a parent. Except, the reality didn't and doesn't often live up to the dream. And that's my fault.

Stupid and horrible guilt trippy letter. I also reckon that this is how the author thinks generally, and just because she never says them all at once, like she does in the letter, to her son/s, they'll know exactly how much she resents them. They'll know full well that (for example) she could have had a better career if it wasn't for doing all kinds of stuff for them, and the knowledge will weigh them down. What an awful burden.

Imperial, delayed cord clamping has health benefits for the baby, but AFAIK it's because of highlevels of iron being transferred to the baby, not stem cells...

ToGrapefruit

You may be right that it represents things she might have said to her DSs, given that she did get as far as having it printed. I hope not.

Havent read the letter. Not going to bother.

But i am sick, sore and tired of assholes publicly humiliating and exploiting their children to get likes on FB or go viral on youtube or get published in the press. Enough. Its not new anymore and it was never funny. I am so angry for your children. Stop using them for you own self serving purposes. Your children do not exist to advance your career or bring you 15 minutes of fame. Shame on all of you who do this shitty fucking number on your own children.