to think this mother's attitude is far from typical

[nippiesweetie]

www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2015/oct/24/a-letter-to-my-10-year-old-son-who-needs-to-hear-a-few-home-truths

Her poor son. A letter that should have been written, read and discarded, I think.

Is this some wonderfully high level of mothering or just what we all do because that's what parents do?

I didn't think women actually brought up how long they were in labour for. It's not like the child is in the womb bracing their feet and refusing to be born...doesn't want him to feel guilty? I wonder.

She keeps saying she doesn't mind but clearly, she does!

Narp Sure, most parents are going to feel under appreciated at times, and heaven knows they are deserving of sympathy, but this is so intense and concentrated on the mother. Like you, I hope she thinks again and gains some perspective.

If she didn't want him to feel guilty then why did she write the thing in the first place?

If I ever throw all the things I have done as a parent in my children's faces I will hang my head in shame. What an awful thing to do.

Yes, it is nice to be appreciated, but it has to come organically for it to mean anything. And I don't think it happens until they are older anyway.

All that drivel just because he didn't speak to her 'with respect'

he's 10 now, fuck knows what she'll do when he's 15.

I sympathise with her - the kid should treat her with more respect.

She sounds fed up. We've all felt like that. Yesterday, my 13 year old son deliberate pulled out all the strings from his brand new guitar because he "felt cross". I was ready to kill the wee fucker

Thanks op that made me piss myself laughing and after 4 kids that literally happened.

Good god! What a boring silly daft article.

Parenting isn't about umbilical cords or breastfeeding or co sleeping or attachment theories or any of that crap. It's not about following the latest weaning advice or sleeping theories or worrying about yelling at your toddler whose doing your head in or doing controlled crying because unless they sleep you may harm them or yourself. None of that matters in the end.

In the end it's all about enjoying having a relaxing and funny relationship with your kids and realising life can be rough and you have ups and downs but that generally it's supposed to be fun.

She sounds a pain in the arse and a bloody martyr and how embarrassing for her ds.

Think she is the one who needs to grow up here.

Ugh. Just as Pictish says, crying out to be answered with "I didn't ask to be born".

Immediately brought to mind that Phillip Larkin poem about parents fucking you up.

She's talking about all the hard work and commitment involved but nothing of the joy or bonding or special shared moments

Awful, awful, awful letter. Nasty, martyrish, self-absorbed, narcissistic. This refrain of 'I don't mind'. Clearly she does, or she wouldn't feel the need to enumerate all her heroic sacrifices. I hope she sees it in print and is ashamed of herself.

(And can we stop already with this hideous MN habit of referring to children who are being children - the less pleasant aspects thereof - as 'little shits')

Abidewithme The lack of any balancing joy in parenthood is very striking. The letter is dealing with what it's dealing with, but I wouldn't think that enjoyment of family life figures enough in that household. I hope I'm wrong and that this is a snapshot of a low point.

I can understand that parenthood is a slog but she's not mentioned any of the wonderful things he's given her or the delights she's found

Now I'm feeling unexpectedly sad for the writer.

Just read the letter in the paper. What a load of old claptrap.

In my house, the talk about being respectful isn't about "what I've done for you" - my reward for that was getting to love the child and see him enjoy life and be happy.

The reason you should be respectful is because I love you and whilst i'd run in front of a bullet for you, you need to learn to do things for yourself, you're part of the family and in this family we help each other and love each other and being nasty isn't tolerated.

nippie I kind of see your point as it is supposed to be fun isn't it along with moments of pure terror and lots of dross.

I think he must be a pfb as I couldn't remember the details of labour and cords amongst my lot.

The writer sounds very bitter and that's a very unhealthy attitude towards a child I think.

Dawn that's a sad post. I think I remember you posting before about your mum. Good on you for getting past that.

I am a mother to a 10 year old boy.
Today he was stroppy with me.
I demanded a bit more respect because I am a person and deserve to be treated nicely. As does him.
No emotional blackmail crap.

This has really angered me, actually. Possibly because my mother was one of these heroic martyrs and demanded complete obedience, into adulthood, for all she had 'done for me'.

Who TF suggests children need to 'hear home truths'? She is taking frustrations here out on him as if he were an adult. Deeply unhealthy.

I hope this woman is a MNer and sees this thread.

I don't see what the problem is with it. If the point of the item is to write "letters you'd never send" kind of a thing then what's the issue? She's just having a vent, I think it's a bit mad to jump to the conclusion that they have a unhappy family life. Plenty of people have moments where they wish their children could appreciate the sacrifices that have been made for them. Of course, children can't appreciate these things and have no understanding at all of parenthood until they become parents themselves, which is presumably why she's written this anonymously to a newspaper instead of giving it to her son.

Utterly awful.

emotional blackmail. THAT is the word I was looking for. Thanks Lweji.

Yeah my mother used to pull that shit too. It was all about how much she 'gave up' for me and wailing 'what did I ever do to deserve such a horrible child'.

Usually if I did not behave like a performing seal and show her to her best advantage. She is still a bit like that actually and I am 42.