My friend always comments negatively about my DD's name on baby name board

[JoanGalt]

One of my close friends is on Mumsnet and I know her username. She doesn't know I know it and I don't look at her threads or search for her or anything.

I was looking at the baby name board and saw a thread about my DD's name so I had a quick look. I saw that my friend had commented, saying how she really didn't like the name. That's fair enough of course but I then did a search for other threads containing that name and she had commented on every single one saying how she hates the name. It's a classic but unusual name like Octavia. She hasn't commented on any other threads unless my name is mentioned and then she says how boring she thinks it is (another unusual name).

I think this is a bit odd really. AIBU?

If you've pm'ed her from this username OP she's going to find this thread instantly and you are outed too

It is entirely possible to dislike a name but still like the person. Not difficult at all. My DSis hates her own name, but doesn't hate herself!

I don't like a few of my friends kids names. I like the owners of the name though.

We just have different tastes in names. Just like I wouldn't decorate my house exactly the same or wear exactly the same clothes. I wouldn't worry about it.

Blimey Op

Sounds like you want her to read this.

Hey ho

Now just waiting for the op's friend to find this thread...

Yes. Weird timing for sending her a PM. Just when this thread is active.

I need to know OP's friend's name so I can go and look at the baby names. I really should get a life and maybe go tidy a cupboard or watch the plants grow .

you PM'd her!

Holy Moley. Nothing like bringing things to a head I suppose.

I was thinking you were being odd until I realized that your mate knows you are on here and that she has been close to you and your kids a while....now it strikes me that she is a bit strange. I say that as I have 2 godchildren with names that I really really did not like at birth. One is named something like (but not) Taylor, i.e. a famous popstar name that is also hyphenated and both names are used in full i.e. Taylor-Marie. The other is like (but not) Lauren - a name that is a bit old fashioned and was over used when I was at school.

thing is, I love those kids so much that I would NEVER say I hated the names now, as they belong to two little people that I adore. I would still not chose them form myself but even writing the above anonymously makes me feel guilty! I would assume that your friend was sneery behind your back

"Whoa you messaged her? That makes you look really bad. Like you are the one thinking about this too much."

Oh FFS. It doesn't make the OP look bad at all.

Messaging someone to tell them you've recognised their name is the right thing to do IMO. I'd be very grateful if someone said that to me.

The OP could have advanced searched her friend's entire posting history and found out all about her private thoughts on everything. But instead she is treating her with respect and respecting her privacy - despite her friends saying rude things about her family's names.

She comes out of this looking like a pretty decent human being IMO.

If you just didn't think it through when you messaged her I would ask for this thread to be deleted if you don't want her to know your feelings on this.

I'm off to Baby Names for some detective work!

It's a bit like thread sporn.

Op I think you're associating your identity with your name and one vote against the name =one vote against the person who has that name.

This is flawed thinking.
And your research is flawed also, after all you only have two samples, your name and your dcs name.
If you did more research you may find that your friends hates every damn name in the book, and doesn't hold back when admonishing others from using them.

Your pm is way ott and I feel a little bit sorry that your friendship is probably going to suffer as a result of you not thinking clearly, and getting emotionally worked up on this matter.

Worse still, you haven't told us your or your dcs names so we can voice our opinion also!!

Seriously, have some flowers, and try and be a better friend- I don't agree with all my friends, but don't take it personally as they are my friends despite being wrong.

I need to know ALL the names in question. Turn them into a Dream Football team, and we can chose which team we like best!

Joan

I have a lovely friend, who has (IMO) a dreadful name. She insisted (against her DH's better judgement) on giving her DD another (IMO) terrible name. Both are unusual.

Now while I personally (although MN would definitely agree) really dislike these names it has nothing whatsoever to go with my feelings about the people concerned. The woman was extraordinarily kind to me when my DC were small and her DD is adorable and good friends with my DD.

I do often comment on Baby Names and if they came up in someone's list I might well say I disliked them.

I really don't see a problem with that. I have an unusual name too - for all I know she hates my name. .

As far as I can see the only poor form here is yours. As soon as you spotted her username you should have PM'd her not waited a few years so you could invade her privacy.

I named changed and messaged her. I haven't mentioned this thread, just that I recognised her.

I don't think this makes me a bad friend
As I said earlier, I noticed her a few years ago and have, until now, had no reason to contact her as I haven't seen much of her since. I think contacting her now I could be invading her privacy makes me a good friend.

You know, I dont give a toss about the name of strangers, but I do consider the names my friends have chosen for their children.
And mostly, I question their judgement (secretly within, never to a soul, and never to this day online).

I mean, who in their right minds calls their daughters Annabella and Daniella. Why? Just why? On their own the names are gorgeous, but two sisters?

And what is it with names that start with the same two letters. Mary and Malvin. Or Helen and Henry. Or Hennie and Henry. Or how about Hennie and Lennie?

If she frequents aibu then she will probably see this thread and put 2+2 together. It wouldn't be hard to.

Shamelessly place marking waiting for the friend to turn up yes I know I need to get out more

And finally Henny and Henry. My grandfather was Henry, he names one of his daughters Henny. Now some distant cousin has decided to honour them both, and hey presto siblings named Henny and Henry.

It just turns really little children into twee little cartoon people.

Rant over.

Thank you.

Well I certainly didn't mean any harm to her and I don't think I've said anything horrible or upsetting. I've said I find it a bit odd.
I've joked that she must think I'm a twat.

You haven't done anything wrong Joan. You thought it was strange (as did others) and asked for opinions on it. I also don't see anything wrong with letting someone know you know then on here so they can babe change if they want to remain anonymous.

Name change obviously