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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

My friend always comments negatively about my DD's name on baby name board

155 replies

JoanGalt · 22/10/2015 07:47

One of my close friends is on Mumsnet and I know her username. She doesn't know I know it and I don't look at her threads or search for her or anything.

I was looking at the baby name board and saw a thread about my DD's name so I had a quick look. I saw that my friend had commented, saying how she really didn't like the name. That's fair enough of course but I then did a search for other threads containing that name and she had commented on every single one saying how she hates the name. It's a classic but unusual name like Octavia. She hasn't commented on any other threads unless my name is mentioned and then she says how boring she thinks it is (another unusual name).

I think this is a bit odd really. AIBU?

OP posts:
GloriaHotcakes · 22/10/2015 08:38

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

HaydeeofMonteCristo · 22/10/2015 08:39

It does seem a bit odd to dislike the name that much!

Original poster
JoanGalt · 22/10/2015 08:41

Somebody upthread said she might not like me and therefore everything to do with me irritates her gotta

OP posts:
Original poster
JoanGalt · 22/10/2015 08:42

And your right about not knowing the extent of her general name hating. I don't want to advance search her though.

OP posts:
Original poster
JoanGalt · 22/10/2015 08:42

*you're

OP posts:
Only1scoop · 22/10/2015 08:42

Seems a bit odd but don't know how you can know it's her for sure.

Only1scoop · 22/10/2015 08:45

You also describe her as 'one of my close friends'

Does she know you are on MN have you ever discussed it?

minimalistaspirati0ns · 22/10/2015 08:46

Some of my friends have given their kids names I really don't like. It's fine to have different taste.

Marcipex · 22/10/2015 08:47

I totally get what you mean, she takes every opportunity to diss you, in secret as it were, but now you know, you can't unknow it.

At least I presume she hasnt started a thread about 'Octavia' being the worst name ever?

My guess is that she's actually quite jealous of you and your DD. I think you've got something she wants herself, maybe it's your relationship with your DD, or some other quality/situation that she envies.
This is her way of venting that.

Lweji · 22/10/2015 08:47

baby names guru
Grin

chrome100 · 22/10/2015 08:48

She is entitled to your opinion. There is nothing wrong with her disliking your kid's name. It's not a crime. Would you rather she told you to her face?

Verypissedoffwife · 22/10/2015 08:51

Ah sorry that was me that said maybe she hates you. I thought the only thing she ever commented on was how much she dislikes your name. I assumed you'd already done an advanced search. Sorry if that's not the case - didn't want to alarm you!

I'd be quite hurt though. And advance search.

Snozberry · 22/10/2015 08:51

You can advance search her name in just the baby name topic if you are curious but don't want to see her more personal posts

Original poster
JoanGalt · 22/10/2015 08:52

We have discussed it before so I assume she knows I'm on here.

I know it's her because the comment I originally saw (nothing to do with baby names) would have identified her to anyone that knows her well. As far as I know people can't reuse other people's names so it must still be her.

It's not so much that she doesn't like the name that bothers me, more that she dislikes it SO much that she needs to comment negatively anytime it's mentioned.

As I mentioned it's an unusual name (but very classic) and there aren't many children with this name. It does feel odd to know she hates DD's name. How can anyone hate something about a 3 year old Confused

OP posts:
Justmyluck1 · 22/10/2015 08:56

If she's that close tell her you are on mumsnet and casually say you name change regularly to prevent anyone knowing you. dont tell her you know hers as that sounds stalky.

Then move on. So what if she hates your dds name in secret. That's her opinion and it would be far worse if she had told you to her face.

As for poster saying she hates you And is jealous?? Get a grip.

Justmyluck1 · 22/10/2015 08:57

Of course she can hate a 3 year olds name but like the child.

The name isn't your dd. you need to relax as she will get it shortened or nick named at high school anyway.

Verypissedoffwife · 22/10/2015 08:59

just she hates BOTH names though - not just the daughters. And comments on every thread featuring both names. And has done for the last 3 years.

Original poster
JoanGalt · 22/10/2015 09:00

As previously mentioned I'm not really that upset about it and I totally accept that she doesn't like the name. I just find it odd that she hates it that much.

OP posts:
Only1scoop · 22/10/2015 09:02

That's ridiculous

I know some 3y olds with what I consider ghastly names. The DC are lovely.

I think you may be reading quite a bit into it.

PingpongDingDong · 22/10/2015 09:03

It's annoying for you but she has every right to privately dislike a name! This is an anonymous forum. You shouldn't have gone looking for her comments in the first place. As long as she's not actually being rude to you about your Dd's name it's entirely up to her!

NoelHeadbands · 22/10/2015 09:04

She just really really doesn't like the names. It doesn't necessarily make her jealous, or underhand, or weird, she just really really doesn't. like. the. names.

If she was starting numerous threads about Not Liking The Names, then that would be strange. But she isn't, she's just posting when people ask for opinions on the names she really really doesn't like.

Arfarfanarf · 22/10/2015 09:06

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Marcipex · 22/10/2015 09:09

My guess is that she's also quite likely to recognise herself in your thread.
Just saying, in case you'd prefer it to be deleted.

Only1scoop · 22/10/2015 09:11

Oh she will know she's been recognised if she sees this.

motherofallhangovers · 22/10/2015 09:14

OP, of course it's odd.

But this is AIBU so the usual posters are bending over backwards to disagree with you IMO. Hmm It's very tiresome, and a bit like gaslighting in its effect, come to think of it!

Don't ignore your gut feeling, you're not gong crazy! This is strange behaviour.

If it was just one of your names she commented on, then it wouldn't be so odd. Or both of your names but just once or twice in the context of commenting on lots of names, then not do odd.

But to persistently comment negatively on both your names, is strange and I would also wonder if there were issues that ran deeper.

I'm like you OP, I have known who some friends are on mnet before and not searched them as they are entitled to privacy IMO. However if I was in your situation, I might find it hard not to look. It's hard isn't it, it's a Pandora's box - who knows what might come out of it if you open it?