to want some notice if someone is coming round?

[Rubberduckies]

I don't mind anyone coming round to our house, but am I being unreasonable to expect to know they're coming beforehand ?

I don't need much notice, a text to say 'just popping round, be there in 10mins' would be fine. I would prefer them to ask rather than assume it's ok, but hey, I think I'm a reasonable person!

What I really dislike, is cooking dinner, or busy doing something, or just relaxing and someone knocking on the door because 'I was just passing'

So wise mners, AIBU?

YANBU. Popping round unannounced and expecting someone to drop everything and entertain them is very presumptious.

I understand not everyone feels like this and feel habitually sociable... I am just not one of them!

Ps: although it doesn't bother me, I get that it would bother the majority so I never call unannounced.

I was expecting more posts about how uptight it is to like a bit of notice!

The thing is - if you are a dropper-in:
Someone who doesn't mind droppers in won't be offended by a text.
Someone who usually doesn't mind droppers in but is in the middle of a poo/argument/meal/elaborate bit of work will be glad of a text.
Someone who does mind droppers in will definitely be glad of a text.

Seems to me you can't lose by giving people notice, so why on earth wouldn't you?

Bingo seek I agree with a quick text too. The least offensive way to conduct a visit.

Am still contemplating this one. If i am at home I am often not dressed. I've been known to clean the kitchen floor with out trousers - ( i have to get down on my hands and knees). Sometimes after a run I do cleaning prior to my shower - so am in stinky workout gear for a good while. I certainly wouldn't want a visitor then - who I would have to leave hanging around whilst I went to get a quick, hurried shower so I can then get back to them.

DH will call on his mum without checking first. I have tried to explain to him that he must. Fair enough, she might not care about him turning up if she is dressed in her nightie, and has curlers in and no teeth - but she may very well mind if I am with him.

Yanbu, give me a minute. We have a pretty small house so i normally have some washing hanging about and a toddler, so I'd like to pick up her toys a bit and remove my pants from the radiator!!
i do think it is considerate to just check. I ring my mum to ask to go in her house when she isnt there (she lives abroad a few months of the year so i buy some shopping for when she gets home) so why wouldnt I ask her when she is

There's only one person who I would go and see unexpectedly and that my dnan. She's always had zero issue with us coming round and letting ourselves in, if she's home the door is unlocked but if not then we all have a key. She's always made it very clear that it's 100% okay for us as family to do this. And now she lives alone she loves the company, even if it's just us sitting in the garden whilst she's out there pottering about.

I must admit that it is lovely and it creates a nice atmosphere. But at the same time she doesn't have small children to take care of, she's retired, she gets lots of sleep, her house is always immaculate and she has a lot of spare time on her hands. I'd imagine if I didn't have a toddler and a baby running me ragged all day, was getting a full nights sleep every night and waking up at my own leisure rather than as a result of the fog horn that is known as my dd1 at the crack of dawn then I would probably be a bit more open to having more of an open door policy as I wouldn't constantly feel like I need quiet/alone time in order to recharge and switch my brain off.

That said I do normally call in advance, just in case she is having one of those days where she needs or wants to be alone.

I have found there are two types of dropper-in.

The ones who are happy to take you as you are, and who don't mind that there's something you're doing that you need to be doing and so will happily chat or even help while you do it.

And then there are the ones who expect you to drop everything to chat/entertain them without ever thinking that it might be inconvenient, and who get offended when you say "sorry, it's not convenient/possible right now".

While I don't like dropper-ins, I can take the first sort better. I work full time, as does DP, and with the DCs doing various things, our time is limited so I do relish the small amount of downtime I get to recharge.

YANBU. I think it's rude and inconsiderate. It feels like an invasion of my personal space

Do these people not have a mobile? Surely they can just text and say I'm passing by shortly, fancy a visitor?

I like it if I'm WFH and a mate will knock as he's passing on his way to a job on the off chance that I'm in.

It's nice to have a bit of spontaneous, unplanned downtime & a natter. I'll put the phone on hold & sit down with a brew & chat - heaven!

All my mates are used to my house, so no need for any Hyacinth Bucket type "pre visit cleaning" high jinks. They can sit in the same shit I do.....

There are certain people who can arrive with no notice and certain people who can't. Most friends and my cousin are fine to rock up whenever. Pils, my parents and anyone else I wouldn't like to see that I don't live in a show home need to give notice. I don't live in a shit hole, but I always make extra effort if they are coming over as I dont want them to think I'm not coping. They all have show homes and would judge mine for just being normal.

I think the poppers-in are people who don't struggle to change mental gears between alone time and social time. I love my friends and family but I'm also a huge introvert. I genuinely need a) lots of time by myself, which is hard to get as it is when you have kids, and b) plenty of warning to switch into social mode. Otherwise you rock up at my door and I'm not ready, my supply of conversation is all dried up. I get that it's intended as a nice friendly thing, but that's not how it comes across to me personally because that's just how I'm put together - instead it's jarring and feels like a demand. It would be much kinder and warmer to me if you texted me with a few hours' warning, if not the day before. Then I'm much more likely to feel able to say yes and have that nice cuppa with you!

I don't think that's antisocial at all, just different ways of functioning socially. If someone thinks I'm massively unreasonable for needing that consideration then why would they want to be my friend anyway?

"Bingo seek I agree with a quick text too"

Or in my case a phone call. I am a rare person who actually answers the phone. My generation an the older one aren't welded to their mobiles. I can't always hear a text being sent to my phone because it isn't always with me.