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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to want some notice if someone is coming round?

138 replies

Rubberduckies · 20/10/2015 23:28

I don't mind anyone coming round to our house, but am I being unreasonable to expect to know they're coming beforehand ?

I don't need much notice, a text to say 'just popping round, be there in 10mins' would be fine. I would prefer them to ask rather than assume it's ok, but hey, I think I'm a reasonable person!

What I really dislike, is cooking dinner, or busy doing something, or just relaxing and someone knocking on the door because 'I was just passing'

So wise mners, AIBU?

OP posts:
MrsFrankRicard · 21/10/2015 09:40

YANBU, probably my number 1 pet peeve. I don't accept any of the reasons for doing this.

You have an open house and enjoy visitors? Great, good for you, I presume people know this, you also will know that not everyone operates like that and so should text/phone first unless they have made it known to you that they also have an open house situation.

In the past people used to pop into each other's houses? Great, good for them. Times change, more women are at work now and we also own phones to check first.

The only times unexpected knocking is ever acceptable is the postman delivering a parcel or an actual emergency. For everything else, it's downright rude not to check first, even if you are someone who enjoys this happening to you, you are surely aware that not everyone is the same and so give some bloody notice, it's not hard to send a text!

Rant over.

magicstar1 · 21/10/2015 09:44

If I'm not in the mood for people then I just don't open the door to them. When we moved into our house the first thing I did was get a driveway alarm...that way when I'm on my own in the house it'll go off when someone approaches, and I can decide whether to answer or not.

I also put this up on FB ... all my friends and family know what I'm like luckily.

to want some notice if someone is coming round?
SortedForCheeseAndFizz · 21/10/2015 09:51

Popper-inners will never understand what it is about that whole popping in thing that annoys non popper-inners.

I don't like it at all. I assume they're only popping in because it's at a time they find to be convenient to them but with glaring disregard as to whether it might be inconvenient for me Hmm.

I can also be quite frosty about it, but strangely it never seems to deter them from doing it again and again.

Grapejuicerocks · 21/10/2015 09:53

Very much depends on the person. Some I would like a 10 minute warning so I can whip round and tidy up. These tend to be the people who have immaculate homes themselves. Others I know that are more relaxed in their own homes, are welcome to just pop in.

Some of my friends have such perfect homes all the time, but then they may think the same of me. Perhaps we all do the complete tidy when expecting visitors therefore the expectations and demands are put on ourselves. I'd actually like to turn up to see some untidy houses when they are usually tidy, then I would feel able to relax more about not making mine perfect when they come round. Unfortunately I think they are always perfectly tidy... I like the houses where everything isn't always immaculate.

The same as one friend who is a fantastic cook. I always pull out the stops if I'm cooking for her because her meals are so lovely, but one day she admitted that she felt the pressure to do the same. Not deliberate competativeness, just putting pressure on ourselves so as not to look worse than others who we admire. It's a vicious circle.

NoPowerInTheVerseCanStopMe · 21/10/2015 09:55

YANBU. MIL has form for this although she's stopped letting herself in since she walked in on me having skin on skin time with my then week old DS

MotherOfFlagons · 21/10/2015 09:59

MIL used to do this at weekends. She knows perfectly well that we often have a lie in at the weekends, but she would pop round unexpectedly at about 9am before we'd even had breakfast. It used to infuriate me. A lot of the problem is that she gets up at the crack of dawn and thinks everyone else should too. Fortunately, she doesn't do it any more, I think DH had a quiet word with her.

trollkonor · 21/10/2015 10:00

Last week I was recovering from a virus, had been out in the morning for the first time in a few days and was knackered. Got in changed into some fleecy pj bottoms, put the fire on, made lunch, pulled the curtains closed and settled down to watch an episode of American Horror Story. I timed it so I would have 15 mins to get the dishwasher on, wipe sides down, put jeans back on, brush hair before collecting me son from school.

If my inlaws had given me 10 mins notice what I would have done was turn AHS off, do a quick emergency clean of the kitchen, open the curtains and if time put jeans on.

Instead I opened the door, expecting a parcel, and my inlaws walked in through the kitchen with stuff spilt on the side, empty milk and baked bean containers on the side, pile of dishes by the dishwasher, into a blacked out lounge to see someone in a gimp mask having sex with a groaning women.

trollkonor · 21/10/2015 10:03

I did ask them if they wanted a cup of tea and they declined Grin saying that they had stuff to get on with.

I usualy love it if someone asks if we're in and can they pop round later but 10 mins at the least is good.

PeopleLieActionsDont · 21/10/2015 10:11

I grew up in a house with a mum who is a 'popper in er'. I really don't like it though and would much prefer it if people phoned first. I think it started to annoy me when I had my first dc and my ILs would just turn up and spend all day on my sofa. I felt like my plans were just sidelined.

I'm also one who likes to relax at home with no bra on, so a bit of notice is nice. I don't mind my sister and her partner coming round without notice though, cos I actually love them and they never judge the state of me my house!

Madmog · 21/10/2015 10:12

If someone is hoping to sit down with you for a catch up and even a drink, then yes, warning is good. However, if it's just something that's going to take a couple of mins then I wouldn't worry.

CigarsofthePharoahs · 21/10/2015 10:23

I've just remembered a funny story a friend told me. She had relatives who had Form for just turning up, expecting food and company for the rest of the day.
She and her Dh had a nice evening out planned. She was getting ready and saw the relatives car pull into the drive. She said to her dh "Sorry, it looks like we'll have to go out another night."
Her dh said he wasn't happy with that. They went and hid in the back bedroom, crouching on the floor so they couldn't be seen from the window as the relatives had decided to scale their back gate and knock on the back door too as they'd had no answer from the front.
She said it took them an hour to give up and leave.
They did get their nice evening out, but it started a bit later than planned. They apparently got quite a lot of text messages from said relatives that evening asking where they were, which were all ignored till the following day.
She said that while they were hiding she was laughing so hard she thought they'd hear.

ToastyFingers · 21/10/2015 10:26

trollkoner that made my day.

Maybe I should have ahs on standby for when mil 'just pops round' to 'drop something off'

Gottagetmoving · 21/10/2015 10:28

When I first had my children and was not working, I quite liked people calling round during the day for a cup of tea and a chat. I never expected any notice and if it was not convenient I didn't answer the door.
These days I hate anyone popping round without arranging first, and I like at least a days notice!
I think it is a shame we have become so busy and unable to feel comfortable with unexpected visitors, but I am guilty of that. :(

SomeWeirdPumpkin · 21/10/2015 10:36

I love it when friends just pop round unannounced, it's a nice surprise. I do have to just carry on with what I am doing sometimes, if it is cooking then they just sit in the kitchen and talk to me.

Some of my friends have turned up unexpectedly in the past and made me a cup of tea, which was lovely, this was when I had a new baby in the house so that doesn't happen quite so much now...one friend even turned up the day after DC4 was born (which I know some people would hate), it was great, it saved me calling her and anyway she bought chocolate.

MrsB1988 · 21/10/2015 10:39

Trollkonor Grinthat's absolutely hilarious! Sorry ahh I'm going to have intermittent giggles for the next hour at least.

gandalf456 · 21/10/2015 10:39

I don't mind if I am not doing anything but, as you say, I hate it when I am cooking.

OOAOML · 21/10/2015 10:51

I have two children, a job 4 days a week, am studying with the Open University and regularly am trying to catch up on backlogs on washing/packed lunch making/faffing about with house stuff. If I was like my mum, and stayed at home full time until my children were almost done with primary school, I might have a tidy enough flat and time to entertain with no notice. But I don't.

Fizzielove · 21/10/2015 11:48

I am usually very happy to have visitors! My bug bear is actually going to answer the door! I like my friends to knock and come on in! I'll be in the kitchen making us a cuppa cos I'll have seen them coming up the path!

Pinot4me · 21/10/2015 12:02

YANBU!!
We had family who once turned up for a whole weekend! I opened the door on a Friday night and there they were....SURPRISE we've come for the weekend!! 2 Adults and 2 kids (they'd traveled 200 miles). We both worked full time, had 2 small kids of our own and lived in a 3 bed house. I was not impressed!

dustarr73 · 21/10/2015 12:33

I like a bit of notice and generally wouldnt just call in to someone.Everyone knows now to just to text me,it works out fine.

With the kids in school its the only bit of peace i get so i really cherish it.

PeopleLieActionsDont · 21/10/2015 12:52

I do have time to keep a tidy house and entertain unanounced visitors, but I still don't want to Wink

OOAOML · 21/10/2015 12:53

To be honest People even if I had the time I'm not sure I would want to, I'm not the most outgoing and sociable person and I need to be in the mood to entertain.

JohnCusacksWife · 21/10/2015 13:05

To be honest I think it's the people who don't answer the door that are a bit odd!

RaspberryOverload · 21/10/2015 13:10

Pinot4me Shock

What did you do?

Gottagetmoving · 21/10/2015 13:14

To be honest I think it's the people who don't answer the door that are a bit odd

Why? It is not compulsory to answer a door, or a phone for that matter.
If you don't want to see people, you just don't answer the door, unless they arranged to come over, then not answering would be weird.
If they just come along uninvited or not arranged, then it is a gamble they take.