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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To say DP should spend his birthday with me?

116 replies

BakeMe · 19/10/2015 18:47

We were sitting watching telly this evening and my DP just came out with ''I'm going out with my Dad and his mates for my 21st'', we'll be round Mums during the day''. My initial reaction was hurt, but then I thought well it's HIS birthday.. Then I felt hurt again that his choice isn't to spend it with me.

I think my facial expression gave something away because he said ''why, did you want to go out or something darling?'' I wanted to reply well yes! We went out for dinner for my birthday, I spent that day with you (after he finished work).

We have no DC (apart from the one I'm carrying), so it's not like they're missing out on Daddy's birthday.

AIBU and I should just realise he's going to have a good piss up (like he said he wanted earlier), and we can go for dinner or something the following evening? Or, AINBU? I really can't decide and I don't really know how to feel Sad must be my hormones.

His birthday is on a Sunday, and it's not until the 13th December so it's a good while away.

Thank you Grin

OP posts:
NoahVale · 19/10/2015 18:50

how long hav eyou been together?

Original poster
BakeMe · 19/10/2015 18:51

A year, but we've spend pretty much every day together since (we don't really do things that don't involve our families), and we live together. Not to mention I'm carrying his offspring Confused

OP posts:
Original poster
BakeMe · 19/10/2015 18:51

*spent

OP posts:
aprilanne · 19/10/2015 18:52

i take it you will be all round his mums during day so its not like you are spending no time together .he is young just 21 most folk go out and have drink that night and i dont suppose you would want to anyway with baby .i would not say a word because there won,t be many nights out for him when baby comes .

lighteningirl · 19/10/2015 18:53

He's 21 let him go out and enjoy his bday you can have a lovely lunch and spend evening doing whatever you like.

NoahVale · 19/10/2015 18:53

tell him, you want to spend the day with him too.
communcaiton is the answer to most lots of things

mumblechum1 · 19/10/2015 18:53

Hmm, as the mum of a 21 year old (who was until q recently in a very intense relationship where he barely got to see his friends), I'm a bit biased but I'd say he should be out having fun, but that you should be part of the crowd.

ThreeRuddyTubs · 19/10/2015 18:54

He can do what he wants...it's his birthday so it's his choice really

Original poster
BakeMe · 19/10/2015 18:55

I understand that I'll be with him at his Mums but how about private couple time on his birthday? I don't see why we can't go out for lunch together then (he finishes work at 12).

I think I'm more annoyed because he'd have been very upset if I announced I was spending my birthday evening on the piss up with mates.

OP posts:
Original poster
BakeMe · 19/10/2015 18:56

Hi, he did offer and say ''well you can come too babe'' but I'm aware that it's just a bunch of blokes (no other women going apparently), so I think I'd be a little out of place being a lady and a female lol

OP posts:
Aqualady · 19/10/2015 18:57

Tell him you would like to do somthing with him also. You could go for a meal the night before 'prebirthday dinner' or a fancy brunch.

It's shit being pregnant and stuck in but it's not forever'

mumblechum1 · 19/10/2015 18:57

Your DP is obviously very mature, but I can't help comparing my son's 21st last month where he was in Croatia, as he was on a month long tour of Europe with his mates, and went cliff diving in the afternoon followed by cocktails on the beach and then a festival.

I def. think he should be off having a blast but that there's absolutely no reason for you to be sitting at home, you should be there too Smile

Original poster
BakeMe · 19/10/2015 18:57

I know 'he can do what he wants', that applies to everything. But doing what we want isn't always the best thing to do, and I'm not saying that's the case with his birthday etc... But it's true

OP posts:
MrsBalustradeLanyard · 19/10/2015 18:57

Why do you need private couple time on his birthday? You might choose that for your birthday. He is choosing something different. It's not your day!!

Original poster
BakeMe · 19/10/2015 18:59

Thank you Aquallady, I'm opting for taking him for a fancy birthday lunch. It'll save me a few bob actually, dinner is a much more expensive affair Wink

OP posts:
MrsBalustradeLanyard · 19/10/2015 18:59

Doing what he wants is absolutely the right thing on his 21st! Are you always such a joy to be around? Hmm

BackforGood · 19/10/2015 18:59

Sounds like he is spending his birthday with you - and also the rest of the family ? Have we read that right ?

I wouldn't have a problem with my dh wanting to go out for a drink with his Dad, and a group of mates that didn't involve me. Presumably, you can go for a meal on the Saturday night (far better night to go out, IMO) if you want.

This is all assuming you won't have a teeny weeny baby at this stage???

Original poster
BakeMe · 19/10/2015 19:00

I wasn't talking about his birthday though, as I said, MrsBalustrade. I just said that we can always do what we want, that goes for everything.

OP posts:
Aqualady · 19/10/2015 19:00

Well that's a bit off - I was waiting for a post like that mrs

Op myself and dp are in our late thirties be together years and always make time for each other on our birthdays. There is nothing wrong with that

Aeroflotgirl · 19/10/2015 19:02

I would feel hurt too. Why not talk to him about it, and mabey he could go on the razz the night before or the night after, so you two spend it together on his special day.

BrandNewAndImproved · 19/10/2015 19:04

It's shit being pregnant and being stuck in. Yes you could go out but it's shit being sober when everyone else is laughing over what only drunk people can laugh at.

I don't think you need private time on his birthday and you will be at his mums with them all. If you can afford it why don't you book a weekend/night away somewhere romantic for the following weekend and his birthday present?

jorahmormont · 19/10/2015 19:05

There you go think of the money you'll save Wink

I think particularly on a 21st birthday you should be allowed to do what you want. I always assumed my 21st would be a massive piss up. I turned 21 this year and spent my birthday on a South Wales beach with DP and DD and wouldn't have had it any other way Grin

He spent your birthday with you because that was your birthday and presumably that was what you wanted. He wants to go out with his dad and his mates - I doubt it's anything personal against you.

Original poster
BakeMe · 19/10/2015 19:05

Thank you Aero, that's a sensible thing to do. I just hate to think I'd be a huge kill joy by expressing me wanting to share his day with him if all he wants is to have a drink Blush

I know he wouldn't go out if I expressed being a little hurt but not going out with him, which I don't want to do as that isn't fair.

OP posts:
BackforGood · 19/10/2015 19:06

There's nothing wrong with that Aqua, if that's what you both want to do, but equally, there's nothing wrong with wanting a 'lads night out' if that's what you want to do. The point is, on your birthday, you get to choose how you'd like to celebrate it.
I agree with Mrs

Original poster
BakeMe · 19/10/2015 19:07

Jorah, funny thing is we had a little hiccup just before my birthday and I was staying at my Mums for a few nights. Out of the blue on my birthday morning, he messaged me to say he'd booked a fancy restraunt! Lol

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