to wonder why people send their children to private schools?

[TheStripyGruffalo]

People I know have done it for various reasons a) because they want their children to get all A* grade b) because they don't want their children mixing with the people at the local comprehensive and c) because they think it looks good to have children at a private school.

If you send your children private do you mind saying why? I'm genuinely interested (and I'm not a journalist). We didn't choose private schools because we thought our DC would not be comfortable being amongst the poorest families there.

yes but describing less able children, or those with specific learning difficulties as 'stupid' is not an opinion, it is just downright nastiness and ...dare I say it....thickness.

did you read Brideshead Anthony? Was that your intellectual high point?

I my be wrong, but I believe Alan Bennett was lucky enough to go to a Grammar School.

Because they care exclusively about their child and not the generation of children as a whole.

Small classes are important to me.
And I went to a state school so have an insecurity about it. I didn't like my school and it had no aspiration for the pupils. Friends who were academic were shunted off to do soft subjects such as business and media when they were perfectly capable of science, engineering etc....I would like to avoid this.

I am constantly amazed at the number of mumsnetters who live in the catchment of "failing" schools. They must be constantly tripping over each other in the local KwikSave bemoaning the dearth of quinoa. It's particularly interesting considering the demographic of the forum- I would expect more of us to live in the catchment of the "leafy comps" I hear so much about...........

Bennett was indeed a GS boy. He has never explained why it is fair to buy a house in the catchment area of the school you want but not to pay fees to it.

And nobody criticises parents who keep the house full of books and restrict screen time and see homework is done and generally value education. Perhaps that is because those are things that state-school teachers can afford to do for their children?

This is an interesting thread.

I work in a state primary school, which happens to be tiny (very rural area) and has small class sizes, although the classes are multi-age. We are lucky enough to have very good, experienced teachers who have stayed a long time (I guess they appreciate the good working conditions and - generally - lovely, supportive parents).

A child has recently come into the school who has been educated up till now at a small private school; his levels in both literacy and numeracy are considerably below the other children in his year group, (although he is obviously bright and is catching up fast), and I really wonder what his parents were thinking of in continuing to send him there for years, while he made poor progress. Maybe the other children in the school were also progressing slowly, and so they didn't realise that this wasn't good? I have no idea, but I think sometimes people assume that going private means better academic standards when this is not necessarily the case.

(Having said that, I would look very carefully at some state secondary schools before sending children there.....I guess the thing is to have a very careful look at your local schools and don't let yourself be pressurised one way or the other in choosing a school).

I send my DS to an Independent school for many, many reasons:

The classes are smaller (16), and therefore he gets more individual teaching.
The facilities are much, much better.
There are more subjects taught.
The classes are streamed for English & Maths, so he is taught at his own level.
The results are better.
The extra-curricular activities are fantastic.
The manners & ethos I teach at home are reinforced at school.
Every parent (IME) is 100% committed to their DC's education.
There is very little bad behaviour (if there is, they are asked to leave)
DC's are expected to push themselves both academically & in music & sport.
And, controversially, the old-boys network is alive & kicking where I live.

However, I was concerned that DS's friendship groups would be very narrow, so he participates in lots of local groups where there is a full cross-section of children.

I send my child to a private school, because for him it is the best thing to do. It means that I work full-time in a high pressure job just to pay the fees. Regardless of the financial pain, I would not make a different choice for my child. I am constantly surprised by the extent and depth of his interests and knowledge as well his passion for life. We live in a rural area and he could not get the opportunities to stretch his mind and body locally, so it was the only option for us.

I do it because of my own terrible experience in state secondary. I hated it. I kept my head down enough to avoid the bullies but I was well aware how quickly things could turn. The school had 2000 pupils and the teachers found it difficult to get to know this number of pupils. Even though some teachers were inspiring, showing enthusiasm was social suicide.
You couldnt use the toilet at my school without threat of violence, so I didnt.
I hope to avoid my kids going through this.

DH is a firm believer in private education and we have savings set up for the DCs to attend private secondary schools because our local one simply isn't good enough to warrant them going there. He wanted to educate them privately from day one but I work at our village primary school and the facilities, staff and class sizes are all so good that we compromised and they've had a great introduction to education there.

If our local comp was as good as our local private school I'd happily send them there. It's not. The staff turnover is incredibly high, it's in Special Measures and has had 4 Head Teachers in less than 7 years. It doesn't inspire me with any sort of faith that the DCs would receive the sort of education I'd like them to.

Because it was the school we liked best - we were impressed with the teaching staff, the facilities available (which included infants and junior school being able to use the facilities of the senior school as appropriate), we liked the idea of DD being able to transition to the senior school if it is the right choice for her at that stage, we liked the small class size.

We did look at local state schools and there was one good one that we were keen on. But by the time we had factored in geographic proximity, the low number of non-sibling places available meant that we were not getting into any of the state schools we wanted. Moving to get into catchment area (either as a temporary or a permanent measure) was not something we wanted to do.

Clearly if we didn't have the money to be able to do this (and to afford the petrol to get her there - it's a significant car drive), we wouldn't be able to. But we can and we do. DD is an only, and (not through choice) will remain an only.

Popandboo-just wondering. If you had had a horrible experience at a private school would you be avoiding the entire sector?

I sent my eldest to private school in Year 6 because she was being bullied because of her enthusiasm for school, and the school wouldn't do anything about it (she is dyspraxic, so that was also causing problems). It was undoubtedly much better for her than carrying on in the local system.

My younger daughter went to the one comprehensive in our small market town, but has now moved to private school for sixth form because she wanted to carry on doing latin for a-level. This comprehensive school refuses to set for anything but maths, and has a fair amount of low level disruption. They have good results, so I naively thought/hoped it would be ok, but it turns out said results have been significantly boosted through blatant cheating on controlled assessments. She is quite bright and academically-focused, so I am now regretting not looking for a more academic private school for her earlier.

yes but describing less able children, or those with specific learning difficulties as 'stupid' is not an opinion, it is just downright nastiness and ...dare I say it....thickness.

Nowhere did I say that children with learning difficulties are stupid, that is something you have read into my words Lisbeth

Perhaps you need to brush up on your comprehension skills?

Because it offers the best start in life for my DD and I'm prepared to go without in other areas in order to be able to afford it. For me it's about class size (14), extracurricular activities available onsite and the ethos of achievement.

Amused that nutella seems to think that the plural of buggy is "buggy's".And yet she thinks education is important ... shame about hers.
My parents sent me and sister to private primary school. Their reasons:
1.Grammar school area and they wanted to increase chance of us getting in (we did, but I think we would have done anyway).
2.I was a terrible daydreamer (I now suspect high functioning but undiagnosed ASD) and they were worried I'd get left behind in a big class.

1. Sister was always very young for her age, clingy and anxious do for different reasons thought she'd do better in smaller class.

4.Mother is/was a terrible snob who only wanted us to mix with naice families. I'm not sure it was necessarily best, all things considered. It keeps you in a perfect little bubble away from real life. When I went to secondary I was terrified, it was overwhelmingly scary. It seemed like Grange Hill (though actually a very conservative I'd fashioned girls grammar.) We were just about the poorest family there - parents barely afforded it and I do remember feeling a bit of an odd one out when everyone was taking about their swimming pools and skiing holidays. I'm also a bit of a socialist and think all children are entitled to a good education, not just those who have parents able to pay for it. (But yes, I do understand that people can hold this view and still want the best for their children.) I also think the better results from private education are a bit of a false positive. The people that can afford it will tend to have well paid professional jobs partly because they are very intelligent themselves - a genetic advantage passed onto their offspring. Husband went to (public) boarding school and hated it. Said if you weren't a pure academic, a sports jock or gay, the boredom was interminable. For the above reasons we chose state school for our son. There was a time when it seemed he might not get a place in the very over subscribed junior school and if but, was likely to be sent to a school out of catchment. This would have been virtually unworkable as we both work FT and commute.We would have been willing at that point to swallow our principles and go private (private school just over the road from us)but it was a decision that didn't have to be made. He also had the option of taking an entrance exam for the selective schools in the area but he (and we) decided not to. The selective schools are intensively academic and although he is bright, he is more suited to vocational learning. All the kids who get in are private tutored to within an inch of their lives to pass the exam (and the catchment area is huge) which seems a bit artificial. My own grammar school experience was a bit meh to be honest. Very academic and focused purely on getting into "good" universities where you should study your best subject, not necessarily anything useful. Meaningful career advice was almost non existant. I hope it has changed now! I ended up doing a second degree at my own expense to move into my professional career. Bloody shell, what a rant that turned out to be!

So Anthony, you are saying that there are children with SEN and also children who are stupid? I'm interested to know how you know the difference? You personally I mean.

I'm interested that you think that all who are less academically able must have SEN Evil. A very novel idea.

I absolutely believe that you know people who have sent their children to private schools because of c. One mum at DSs school thinks her DS is too special to mix with state school children, they are very snobbish but not high earners.

We chose private for a number of reasons, DS1 is a high achiever and he went to a state infant school which refused to give him any work higher than the expected levels for the year group he was in. DS2 is generally fairly average and would have the tendency to mess around but at his school this doesn't happen due to more discipline and small classes, as a result he is doing really well. There are a lot more musical and sporting opportunities for them which is really important to me, the pastoral care is amazing and the values they teach are exactly what we want (ie good manners, hard work, respect)

It is not a hugely academic school, it takes children with some SEN and there are also children who are disruptive etc so it is not some super selective school where everyone is snobbish or massively rich.

I never regret sending the children there however a big part of me feels that all schools should offer the same opportunities, we are by no means rich, we earn 2 professional salaries but not high ones really, there are lots of families on similar incomes or lower as well as those who are really rich.

We're yet another of the surprising number of people here who live within the catchment of a rubbish school. Our whole area, with the exception of Linlithgow and St Mags is pretty rubbish. Typically 7% of students end up with 5 Highers and in 2010, West Lothian Council decided to strip the Highers and Advanced Highers on offer to the bare minimum because of the "economic demographics". The school has positioned its emphasis on being a vocational school that offers a scattering of Highers- example, it's not offering a single science Advanced Higher this year.

I've been flamed before for saying that my children were going there over my dead body. I see no reason to make academic achievement more difficult for them compared to other students at state schools with a decent offering. We considered moving to Linlithgow but DH and I couldn't agree on a house/location etc so we've gone private instead. It's one of the best decisions we've ever made for DS (and hopefully DD next year).

No Anthony, I don't think that. I know that is not the case. However, you seem to have written off a lot of children as "stupid", and I'm interested to know how you define that. Underachievement often does occur because of undiagnosed SEN.

I didn't want ds going to a private prep I totally agree it's unfair. The area we lived in there were some outstanding schools. The one he got into had greatly improved and had an overall good Ofsted report yet the school was totally disorganised, at the time it was taking in a large number if pupils from another school as it was being refurbished. I left the first day in tears and got on to the local preps two had places choose the better one for ds I know people who have children there and are constantly trying to get them moved how it has such a good Ofsted report is beyond me.

The local outstanding primary schools have a large number of children that will go onto private schools it is strange that in such a small area state schools can differ so much and there is something also very unfair about that

Ds is aware that he is not as privileged as his class mates, his more privileged life is with his dad (who pays for his schooling) he is the only child from a single parent family in his class (probably his year) and they do all live extremely comfortable lives I am not sure he really is bothered by it as he does not miss out just his home is with one parent on a flat rather than both parents in a big house

I had to out my political views aside and I know this is for the best for ds that still feels wrong at times but it is not as strong as the feeling of wanting the best for him

I'm sure I don't have to point out that having more money to choose private doesn't make you have better morals, or be more intelligent, or to be 'better' in general actually. It is this kind of, frankly vile, attitude that encourages the closed shop mentality in politics, law, finance and ,any other professions that none-privately educated people are quite able to do, but are not allowed a sniff of.

Looking down your nose at people because they have less money doesn't mean you're better, it means you're worse. I appreciate that those who have this view are in the minority,mount it saddens me to see them on this thread.