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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To tell this friend to get lost?

103 replies

thebeezneez · 17/10/2015 00:56

I have quite low self confidence and self esteem. I have somehow acquired a 'friend' over the past few years that has cottoned onto this and constantly criticises my appearance; to the point that I worry now about what to wear when I see her, and dread bumping into her during the school run if I am wearing anything different or new. I got a new coat a month ago and haven't dared to wear it yet as she'll be nasty. She prides herself on her honesty though.

Basically we have a few mutual friends who all dress nicely, and friend has decided that this is fine and that they can 'get away with the things that they wear'. She is very gushy about them all and says how pretty they all are. One always wears nice vintage clothes and dresses really eclectically and my friend is always saying how nice she looks. However my friend is always telling me that I can't get away with various things that I wear. I think she wants me to just wear baggy jeans and a baggy t shirt all the time.

She has, amongst many other things, told me that I should not wear skinny jeans as I am too large (size 10!), my hair makes me look old, I shouldn't wear scarves as they don't suit me, and she laughs at other things that I wear.

I feel like telling her to fuck off. I wish I had the guts to.

OP posts:
KingJoffreyLikesJaffaCakes · 17/10/2015 01:01

I'll tell her. PM me her number.

You know she's projecting, right? Her comments aren't about you, they're about her.

confusedandemployed · 17/10/2015 01:01

Hmm. Tell her to fuck off. Or laugh uproariously at her stupidity so she gets the message that you're not interested in her warped opinion. Easy.

RainbowRoses · 17/10/2015 01:03

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

herderofcats · 17/10/2015 01:05

I bet all those things make you look good.

Asteria36 · 17/10/2015 01:08

Totally projecting her own crushing insecurity onto you. Tell her to bugger off

corlette · 17/10/2015 01:08

I'd wager my last pound that you look fabulous in your skinny jeans, your hair suits you perfectly and the way you wear a scarf is spot on.
And she hates it.

Get that new coat on and get some distance between yourself and her.

Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost · 17/10/2015 01:16

Ynbu. But if she gets off on putting down someone who has little confidence, then. There is absolutely no argument. She is the one who is insecure.

Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost · 17/10/2015 01:18

And wants to come over as powerful, but in reality I wouldnt mind betting when she's alone she's crying into her pillow

CantSleepClownsWillEatMe · 17/10/2015 01:28

Wow! With friends like that etc...

I'd tell you to tell her to fuck off too but realistically I don't think you're someone who's going to feel able to do that are you? So instead I suggest first of all do it in your head with added extras ie all the things you'd like to say to her. Get it all off your chest!

Then, ask yourself honestly do you like this person? I bet the answer is no. So the next question is why are you anxious for someone you don't like to like you? (Like/approve of, insert whatever is appropriate). See I used to suffer terribly with anxiety and low self esteem and one day when angsting over someone who clearly didn't like me it occurred to me that I really didn't like her at all. Cos she was kind of a bitch tbh Wink

It was bit of a lightbulb moment for me because I'd been so concerned with what she thought of me it hadn't occurred to me to consider my opinion of her (or anyone really) but once I did I thought "I couldn't give a fuck what she thinks of me". Very freeing. I know it sounds simplistic but give it a try, it certainly helped me to stop allowing people like this to tie me up in knots.

RedSoloCup · 17/10/2015 01:37

She is no friend! OMG!

If you can't say something nice don't say anything at all, sounds like a horrible person!

Verypissedoffwife · 17/10/2015 01:47

She's no friend to you. I bet you look fabulous on your skinny jeans and scarves. And you must wear your new coat. In fact wear them all at the same time and if she says anything nasty look her straight in the eye and say "Fuck.Off.". Exactly like that as if it's two sentences. Then never speak to her again.

She's a twat and not worth your time.

Verypissedoffwife · 17/10/2015 01:51

And people who "pride themselves on their honesty " are using the code for "I'm a massive twat and couldn't give a shit what anyone else thinks "

Sighing · 17/10/2015 04:12

She's irrelevant to you. You need to realise that. I bet vintage dress woman couldn't give a fuck whether others like her look or not. She enjoys her clothes and picks striking things she likes- you should do the same. You have one life, please yourself more!
Anything you can do to shrug off this woman and her 'opinion' will be good.

HexBramble · 17/10/2015 05:24

Like everyone else, I'm betting you look rather good in your skinny jeans. I'm not convinced that you'll be happy with telling her to Fuck off though even though it feels satisfying to say it with gusto in your mind

That said, call her on it. "You criticise everything I wear. Are you aware of that?" "I love what I'm wearing. Don't be so rude."

Don't let her get away with it OP.

StillStayingClassySanDiego · 17/10/2015 05:35

She's being a massive twat to you.

As for 'priding herself' on her honesty? Hmm.

Learn to ignore her, let this association with her fizzle out and try to believe in yourself.

I bet you look good, she's putting you down to make herself feel better but who needs a mate like this?

knaffedoff · 17/10/2015 06:32

I work with someone who made similar comments about my appearance and she became someone difficult to work alongside. It ended up in the managers office with me reiterating all the rude and hurtful things she had said. She was shocked and mortified, she said it sounded like bullying, it had felt like it and I didn't argue!!!!!

Some time has now passed, not really friends and that's ok but I have realised that whilst her "funny little comments" felt like bullying to me, I realise now she can be hugely rude and entertaining to everyone around her Hmm

Our relationship changed massively when I confronted her (not in a nasty way) and I no longer want to kill her every time we meet. So a quiet word may help because right now she is no friend to you Flowers

DoreenLethal · 17/10/2015 06:42

'I shall wear what the fuck i want, when i want, and it has nothing to do with you, thundercunt'.

GloriaHotcakes · 17/10/2015 06:49

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TestingTestingWonTooFree · 17/10/2015 07:10

I definitely think you need to have a challenge ready for her. Rude cow.

TheWoodenSpoonOfMischief · 17/10/2015 07:12

Do you have the confidence to say anything to her? Even to tell her that she comes across as rude?
Or just say 'thanks for your opinion' and smile then change the subject.
Please ignore her comments. I bet you look lovely and she's jealous and insecure.
Go wear your new coat, skinny jeans and scarves and know you look fab.
Ignore the rude cow.

Slugonthewindow · 17/10/2015 07:14

"You don't suit scarves."
"Well I can change me scarf, but you can't change your face!"

It's an oldie but a classic!

PingpongDingDong · 17/10/2015 07:20

You've been given some brilliant comebacks here op! What an awful woman! Honestly Op, wear what you bloody like, I do and if someone ever was rude enough to make a nasty comment I'd just right them off as a bitchy person. I do have one geuinely lovely friend who does give her honest opinion of asked hence I never ask her!

catfordbetty · 17/10/2015 07:25

If you could bring yourself to tell her to fuck off, you'd only have to do it once.

NoMilkNoSugar · 17/10/2015 07:25

'Really? Do you know you have never, ever said anything nice about my appearance or choice of clothes?'. Not aggressive, but states the obvious and also let's her know why you are displeased with her and why you are starting to give her space. Otherwise, just start being busy, when she suggests getting together and give her some distance.

experiencedhider · 17/10/2015 07:26

Agree with others that you look great and she is jealous. Also, one of my favourite things in the world is swishing around in a new coat, so if it's the same for you don't let her take that away from you! If she says anything, just reply along the lines of ' I had a feeling you'd say that but if I stopped wearing all the clothes you don't like I'd go round naked" fake laugh.