Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have told my niece I'm not mad on her choice of name feel a bitch

490 replies

Everythingwillbeok · 16/10/2015 12:21

My niece has a little boy, 6 with a "normal name" popular and nice.
She's due in about 7 weeks I think with a baby girl. She lives about an hour away so don't see her loads, we've just chatted on the phone and she's mentioned her choice of name. I really wish I'd have said oh that's cute or something and as we were on the phone could probably have got away with it.

But I think I went quiet and said "oh right....Mmmmm I'm not mad" argh I feel like a cow, it's nothing to do with me.

My sister(her mother) has just text me saying I believe you don't like daughters choice of name, she's offended.

How can I put this right, we aren't particularly close but I really don't want to make anyone feel bad,especially when pregnant.

It's just a silly name, sorry but it is.

OP posts:
purpleponcho · 17/10/2015 01:01

Btw a very believable name. I have heard similar and worse.

When I told my darling midwife what we were calling our daughter, she wrote it down immediately in my medical notes and said,"A normal name! It's beautiful! It's written down now and you can't change it!"

She'd recently helped delivered Baby Texas - a girl.

AnemonesCloser · 17/10/2015 01:02

Tell you sister and niece about the slang sperm meaning, who wouldn't be put off by that! And then maybe get the thread zapped. You don't want a heap of trouble landing in your inbox from Kandy-Rain's mum and granny if they found this.

DixieNormas · 17/10/2015 01:07

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
Everythingwillbeok · 17/10/2015 01:10

I haven't got the heart to tell them anything more about the name, she's using it that's it. I said I wasn't mad on it my sister said she was offended by just that comment.
I mentioned the girl band refrence and DS said that's where she's got it from.
So obviously that won't put her off either.
Definitely not saying anything else. I've looked at the link and yes it's a gross reference but not for me to show her. Thanks for the comments.

OP posts:
Original poster
Everythingwillbeok · 17/10/2015 01:11

I posted on a Friday as it happened on a Friday?

OP posts:
ThumbWitchesAbroad · 17/10/2015 01:13

I do think you should text your niece with the urban dictionary definition of the name she's chosen - spelling it with a K is not going to escape that association :(

AnemonesCloser · 17/10/2015 01:15

Fair enough Everything, you don't want to rock the boat further I can understand that. Especially if they're already offended by your lack of enthusiasm.

She's got a few weeks to go so maybe another name will catch her fancy in the meantime. If not, Kandy-Rain it is!

I'm sure it will get shortened to Candy or Rain pretty quick anyway.

StrawberryTeaLeaf · 17/10/2015 01:16

You're not going to tell her? Shock

Mentioning the girl band connection isn't CLOSE to mentioning the semen meaning.

kungpopanda · 17/10/2015 01:31

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

AnemonesCloser · 17/10/2015 01:38
Hmm

Er, what?

mammmamia · 17/10/2015 01:40

Wow. Kungpoppanda that's a dreadful thing to say.

Senpai · 17/10/2015 01:41

Candy rain doesn't mean semen, any more than "Penguin" means for a guy to waddle after a girl with his pants around his legs after she leaves him mid blow job. Just because someone puts something in Urban Dictionary doesn't make it fact.

But it does sound like a stripper name to be honest. Let's hope the father's ok, we don't need daddy issues compounding the problem here

Poor kid. She can always legally change it to something else when she's older. She'll probably shorten it to just Candy or Rain when she's old enough to start school. I wouldn't worry about it.

Senpai · 17/10/2015 01:43

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

kungpopanda · 17/10/2015 01:46

Why?
Given a choice between offending an idiot niece and a baby being stuck with a godawful name like, um, Kandy-Rain, then I'd go for the offending myself.
You don't think even quite young bullied children don't do suicidal ideation?

Tartyflette · 17/10/2015 01:49

Aren't Satine and Velvet characters in a 70s Jackie Collins novel? if they're not they should be

SouthernComforts · 17/10/2015 02:03

Why do some people automatically assume that a daft name = young parents? I was a teenage mother Shock and my dd has a 'timeless/classic' name according to MN Hmm

Between me and my 'young' friends we have a Jack, Ruby, Mia, Olivia, Evelyn and Toby. God help those kids with those reckless young parents. Grin

Senpai · 17/10/2015 02:45

kungpopanda Yes, because telling a pregnant woman how much you hate a name she has her heart set on will certainly make her change her mind, and won't at all backfire or cause a family rift. All people need is a "stern talking to" and they'll just see the error of their ways with no resentment to the person who stuck their nose in where it didn't belong.

I do wonder if the people on here socialize because they have no skills for friends outside the internet. Grin

Kids have stupid names. Instead of insisting she'll be bullied, how about teaching kids it's not ok to bully? I won't be tolerating bullying from my DD no matter how ridiculous a child's name is. I expect other parents to do the same.

kungpopanda · 17/10/2015 03:19

Since when was 'a pregnant woman' a protected category of person who can't be told that an idea they have is bloodclottingly stupid?

Family rifts and so on are the OP's problem if she chooses to make it so but frankly a rift with a niece wouldn't be a catastrophe in my book anyway. A rift with one that thought the proposed name (if we choose to believe it) a good idea looks more like a blessing, if not a categorical imperative.

Oh, and good luck with that 'teaching children not to be bullies' thing. Grin

Senpai · 17/10/2015 03:26

Right.

So let me get this straight... You want the OP to cause a rift... only for the child to be named Kandy-Rain anyway? Now instead of having a child named Kandy-Rain and having a loving aunt who will be there as a lovely family member, we now have a child named Kandy-Rain who is isolated from a member of her family.

I never said a pregnant woman is a protected category, I merely pointed out the futility of pushing the idea further. You seem to think that causing drama for drama's sake is an acceptable thing to do. Which I suppose if you're telling a woman to get a child a book on how to commit suicide shouldn't surprise me.

I won't worry about teaching children not to bully, because my DD has a mother who plans on doing this crazy thing called parenting and not tolerating that sort of behavior from her. Nor will I tolerate the school sitting idly by while it happens. I'm not sure why you wouldn't be a grown up and do the same for your children?

Senpai · 17/10/2015 03:28

My case in point: I'm not the only user telling you how "blood clottingly stupid" you're being, and you have yet to change your stance. So we can rule out that as a viable solution as your own proposition doesn't even work on you.

kungpopanda · 17/10/2015 03:38

You're right. I don't give a stuff about the potential family rift. I just feel the world really doesn't need a kid called Kandy-Rain with all the problems that will accrete. More concerned for this (possible) child than the OP's extended family relationships. Although not in the greater scheme of things much concerned about either.

Still think that book might be needed.

Funny how everyone brings their DCs up not to be bullies but it still seems to happen, isn't it? Shock

Senpai · 17/10/2015 03:52

Funny how everyone brings their DCs up not to be bullies but it still seems to happen, isn't it?

Obviously not everyone is if their children are bullying.

That's why you also talk to the schools when this happens. You let them know that under no uncertain circumstance are you going to let them take a passive approach and allow this to continue, lest you go over their head.

Stopping bullies isn't an impossible task. Some schools will work with you, some schools will only work with you when you go over their heads.

But the bottom line is, bullying is never ok and our goal should be to stop bullying, not make all children conform to boxes so that they never get picked on.

Justgetknitting · 17/10/2015 03:56

Oh dear lord!! YANBU

I was reading through thinking it can't be that bad... I spat out the chicken ball I smuggled up stairs for a midnight snack! Kansy Rain... That poor poor poor child!

kungpopanda · 17/10/2015 04:03

But the bottom line is, bullying is never ok and our goal should be to stop bullying, not make all children conform to boxes so that they never get picked on.
You probably won't find many dissenting voices on that - though that 'our' is a bit presumptious, imo: who exactly are the 'we' you have in mind? - but there is quite a difference between 'not making all children conform to boxes' and sending one out there with a bloody great target on its back saying 'I'm Kandy-Rain; kick me'.

TheStoic · 17/10/2015 04:22

Kids will only think the name is worthy of teasing if they are taught that it is.

You'd hope no adults would comment negatively about it. Oh wait...