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Original poster

Mortgage dispute dp/me

399 replies

Haribogirl · 16/10/2015 11:37

Dp and I took bought property 13 years ago for £160.000
I put deposit down of 80.000 he got mortgage for his 80.000( with both names on it, as he would of been able to get this much on his own)

So 13 years on and he's had a brain wave, he now decided that because of the interested he's had to pay for getting the mortgage that he's actually paying more than me!!
My argument is he must of known that interest was added in the first place and it's not up to me to now start paying it.

He won't it so that
He as added his mortgage payments up for the last 13 years which amount to £79400.
So when he reaches 80k(same as I put in at beginning) he then wants me to start paying half the mortgage.
Also at the beginning in solicitors, solicitor advised me to make a deed of trust to guard my 80k in the event of anything happening in the future.

He doesn't agree with this now! As he realised that in event off I would get this and half the equity we make, he thinks all off a sudden I'm ripping him off.

This is only in the event off!! Which I have mentioned.

I feel I've just protected myself as advised, he now thinks I'm ripping him off

OP posts:
NameChange30 · 20/10/2015 22:05

"If he wants to play dirty I will take all the mortgage/mortgage insurance/and property details from solicitor and take them to my sisters house."
If the solicitor has the documents I guess they're safe there. Maybe leave extra copies with your sister though?

Could you stay with your sister if things become so unpleasant that you can't stay in the house with him?

DollyTwat · 20/10/2015 22:19

Op put all your important documents somewhere safe. He's already stolen one of them

Tarzanlovesgaby · 20/10/2015 22:22

if he wants to play dirty I will take all the mortgage/mortgage insurance/and property details from solicitor and take them to my sisters house.

do it anyway!

suzannecaravaggio · 20/10/2015 22:42

dont think he's cunning enough to play really dirty, he's relying on intimidation, not exactly a sophisticated tactic is it

you can do much better OP

Original poster
Haribogirl · 20/10/2015 23:26

he's holding the DOT so I will hold these! I'm sure he thinks he can scare me with his swearing and raised voice. I will just walk away.

I could stay with sister , but dS needs to get to work! (Plus at 26 think he would feel awkward there) which he doesn't drive and it's very awkward for him to get to work from there as he starts at 7am

I'm sure he thinks it's a game of who will cave in first or something like that.

I made DS & my tea, left pans etc tidy in pile ready to wash softer he'd finished his.
He came in and took mine of table! To which I said I will do my own washing
I got f... Off I'm doing the washing up as usual.
He still does the clothes washing, even though I don't him not to! Last time He put my white underwear in with colours.

He's not listening!!

OP posts:
Grapejuicerocks · 21/10/2015 09:06

He's going to get a real shock soon isn't he. Just don't underestimate him. The nicest of people can turn nasty where money is involved.

I didn't realise how old your son was.

I guess if your son is 26 then DP could justifiably have a point if you are heavily subsidising him financially, doing everything for him and you both side against DP. I should imagine whilst most people would be happy to do this when step children (and their own children) are young but would reasonably expect them to be standing more on their own two feet at 26.

But that still doesn't excuse the wonky maths and justification to get you to contribute to the debt.

Topseyt · 21/10/2015 09:11

Surely a copy of the DOT is kept by whichever solicitor drew it up. You would be able to get hold of it there, though probably for a fee. Might be worth it though.

HSMMaCM · 21/10/2015 09:15

If there's an official copy of the DoT with your solicitor, make sure you get it and not your DH

laureywilliams · 21/10/2015 14:55

I'm so pleased you took a copy of the DoT. Can you leave it at your sisters or somewhere really safe?

Grazia1984 · 21/10/2015 15:48

You might be able to buy him out of you get an equity release loan of some kind and then you and your son could stay in the home and you pay your partner the £65k of his share of the equity. The deed of trust probably says something about what happens if one of you wants to sell or move and the other doesn't so do check its terms.

Original poster
Haribogirl · 21/10/2015 19:02

Will look into the equity release loan????

Does anybody know anything about these?

Also can I do an equity loan if we're both on mortgage?

OP posts:
NameChange30 · 21/10/2015 19:28

At risk of sounding like a broken record, you absolutely have to talk to CAB and/or a solicitor!

Original poster
Haribogirl · 21/10/2015 20:46

Emma... I've been onto it today
The solicitor that did the house for us is off sick! Just come out of intensive care so I can't see her being back very soon.

I spoke to another one, who said in not so many words that we really need to come to some negotiation between us because if it gets to the court stage it can run into literally thousands. She also mentioned mediation! Which cost£150 session.
But I can't see that working because we have very different views on it, he still thinks I should pay him 13 years half mortgage payments back.
I mentioned as one lady mentioned that my 80k if in high interest acct would today be worth 117k and his answer was. In your opinion !

I need to think of an agreement to come up with.

Hence the equity release idea
I don't think I'd me able to do that without his permission as we both own the house, so I think that idea will be out.

I just want him out quick, so hence the idea. I would then sell the house myself in my time and pay everything off within reason, maybe small mortgage.

OP posts:
Grazia1984 · 21/10/2015 20:52

Equity release is possible if you cannot get a mortgage. If you could get a mortgage instead then go for that. If not then equity release tends to be used by people over or about to get to mortgage age. You take cash out of the house now - a new mortgage (and yes you'd need his permission but as he'd get all his money out then he may be okay with that) and pay that cash to him and then you don't pay the interest until you die. That's fine if you're 80 with not long to go. if you're 59 then there will be a lot of interest rolling up until death which might mean not a lot left for the children although your son might be able to help out if he's in work by going on the mortgage in place of the partner and by paying some of the mortgage.

I agree with the solicitor it is much better to reach agrement. If I were advising you my starting point woudl be what does the deed of trust say. Does it deal with what happens if one of you wants to sell and the other doesn't? If it does then you speak to and email your other half and say look I want to split and under clause X of the deed I am giving you formal notice to buy you out (if you think you can buy him out).

Iff though you do want to sell the house in your own time anyway it would be simpler just to sell it now with you both living in it and he gets the share under the deed. if he's been violent to you you might be able to get him removed by court order and change the locks, then put house on market and sell it but he'd have to sign the sale documents.

NameChange30 · 21/10/2015 21:22

You really need to talk to Women's Aid, then. Because I don't think you will reach an agreement, and they should be able to advise you what to do in the worst case scenario of not agreeing, and it potentially getting nasty.

laureywilliams · 21/10/2015 22:23

Unfortunately, £thousands in legal fees may be less than he feels you owe him...

suzannecaravaggio · 21/10/2015 22:25

does he realise it'll be very expensive for both of you if you have to fight it out via solicitors?

Original poster
Haribogirl · 21/10/2015 22:29

I did speak to WA this morning, wether I wasn't clear!
I asked did they have a name for a family law solicitor and got
We have 3 solicitors on list I can give you!!
I also asked do I need to make appt to which I got
We have a drop in centre, where there's crafts going on. You may be able to catch hold of one of the worker!!!!
I wasn't impressed really, hence calls to solicitors myself.

Today I told him I wanted DOT , he said no I will give you copy
I told him he had no right to with hold my property, he said it's ours and I told him then to take a copy and put the original back!!!
He wouldn't give me the change if owes me, because he said he's buying toilet rolls and he'd use that for going half. Controlling me again

I've told him in future do not do any.

Shopping/washing or anything for me, I will be doing my own.

It's his birthday tomorrow!!
He told me the other day
Don't f.... Get me card or present and don't speak to me
So I haven't

Got to get my head around the money/percentage bit, as I've now been told mediation, and I think he as because he said something on the line of
We have to come to an agreement or you will end up paying thousands
So I think he's been told similar to me.

X

OP posts:
Grapejuicerocks · 21/10/2015 22:31

What's the point of a legal agreement if it costs thousands to enforce it? Confused

Grapejuicerocks · 21/10/2015 22:33

Surely the dot makes it cut and dried or am I missing something?

laureywilliams · 21/10/2015 22:39

What's the point of a legal agreement if it costs thousands to enforce it?

This is what I was thinking Grape

Helloitsme15 · 21/10/2015 23:03

Legal documents are only there to be challenged.

We moved house recently and filled in and returned our fixtures and fittings list about what we were taking. A few days after we moved we received a claim from the buyers for items we had taken from the house. We pointed them to the fixtures and fittings list - but they still took us to court. Cost £6k to defend against their claim of £24k, despite having what we thought was legally binding document that outlined clearly what we were taking.
So no - just because it is agreed and signed does not mean it carries much weight.

It's the same as a will - you can write it , sign it in the presence of witnesses, but your children can still challenge the will.

Helloitsme15 · 21/10/2015 23:06

PS - based on that experience, it is always better to try and negotiate an agreement. You will probably spend more and have ten times the stress going to court.
It stinks and it's wrong, but it is still true.

suzannecaravaggio · 21/10/2015 23:23

Legal documents are only there to be challenged
so it seems, and then you get into a kind of 'mutually assured destruction' situation, while the solicitiors/lawyers etc rub their hands with glee :(

nauticant · 22/10/2015 08:15

The point about legal documents like this are that they are made to create some legal protection where otherwise there would be none. Their main purpose is to be used as leverage in reaching a settlement between two parties as a result of them having a discussion. Worst case is that they can be enforced as a result of expensive court proceedings.

They are really worth having but the degree to which they solve a problem depends on the circumstances.