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Original poster

Mortgage dispute dp/me

399 replies

Haribogirl · 16/10/2015 11:37

Dp and I took bought property 13 years ago for £160.000
I put deposit down of 80.000 he got mortgage for his 80.000( with both names on it, as he would of been able to get this much on his own)

So 13 years on and he's had a brain wave, he now decided that because of the interested he's had to pay for getting the mortgage that he's actually paying more than me!!
My argument is he must of known that interest was added in the first place and it's not up to me to now start paying it.

He won't it so that
He as added his mortgage payments up for the last 13 years which amount to £79400.
So when he reaches 80k(same as I put in at beginning) he then wants me to start paying half the mortgage.
Also at the beginning in solicitors, solicitor advised me to make a deed of trust to guard my 80k in the event of anything happening in the future.

He doesn't agree with this now! As he realised that in event off I would get this and half the equity we make, he thinks all off a sudden I'm ripping him off.

This is only in the event off!! Which I have mentioned.

I feel I've just protected myself as advised, he now thinks I'm ripping him off

OP posts:
amarmai · 20/10/2015 14:32

You are NOT weak op. Do not misinterpret grief at being taken in with weakness. We all grieve the loss of what we hoped for and worked for. Then comes healing anger -at being deceived and cheated while we played fair. He is angry that you are opening your eyes to who he really is. Sometimes we have to box up our feelings in order to do what we have to do. We all do that at work but it is also necessary at home when we are living with the enemy. Please try not to let him see you break down . That will strengthen his resolve. Your strongest suit is your DOT . Do not give it up . Is the solicitor who drew that up for you still around? Ask him to recommend a good divorce lawyer . Time to fight for you and your son.

nauticant · 20/10/2015 14:32

They're not married.

ENtertainmentAppreciated · 20/10/2015 14:34

Good idea to see if you can speak to WA and get advice about experienced local solicitors. I think it's more important to find one who has a specialist interest in family matters than to worry about if they're from a more expensive firm.

You shouldn't be made to feel uncomfortable in your own home, so make sure your mindset becomes that you're not going to stand for it, you are absolutely going to sort things out and move on to a better life.

I know that you're not bound by marriage but the reason I suggested getting your will drawn up to sign after you've split and sold the house is that your will would be made after you've removed him from any link with your financial affairs. When you appoint a solicitor they can advise if that's worth considering or if it's better to go ahead anyway.

You can absolutely do this, don't worry Flowers

Original poster
Haribogirl · 20/10/2015 16:13

Brew just having coffee in sainburys to get out of house!

Will look on net tonight for family law solicitors local to me

OP posts:
NameChange30 · 20/10/2015 16:16

I agree that selling the house and therefore breaking legal/financial ties with this man is more urgent than the will. Although a will would be a good idea once that's sorted.

Good luck OP. I have a good feeling about your future Smile

PestoSwimissimos · 20/10/2015 16:17

Enjoy your Brew Haribogirl.

Google your local Citizens Advice if you get a chance, it really is worth getting an appointment to see them for free advice first. As I said previously they will have a list of Family solicitors in your area. Then you can call round and see who will be prepared to give you the first hour or 1/2 hour free.

ILiveAtTheBeach · 20/10/2015 16:27

Regards your original post, I actually agree with your DP. You put in £80k and when he has too, you should split the mortgage payment. As for splitting everything (bills) 50/50, yes, I can see doing this at the start of a new relationship, but at what point do you start behaving like a unit? Surely long before 13 years has passed?! I earn double what my DH earns and if we split everything 50/50, I would have loads left at the end of the month and he would be really hard up. I don't want to see him like that! And heis job is actually much harder than mine. So we share. Simples.

Stormtreader · 20/10/2015 17:06

He's looked at his payouts and decided that rather than using them to pay off his half of the house, he can bully you into paying towards his mortgage debt and keep all of his payouts for himself. After all, hes already told you about all the fun he wants to have with all of his money, why should you get any of the benefit from it?

His "OW" is his bank balance, and he will happily shaft you to keep her sweet.

MrsTerryPratchett · 20/10/2015 17:15

Get as much free advice as you can and save the expensive kind for the end game. All this is hard but the result will be relief.

Original poster
Haribogirl · 20/10/2015 18:44

We're NOT actually talking about when HE pays his half of the mortgage!
I'm all for splitting 50/50 when he's paid

We have always done 50/50 on bills/food from joint account and have separate bank accounts as well.

So if not 50/50 on bills HOW DO OTHERS RUN THERE HOUSEHOLD ????

So I came back from Sainsbury
He's making his tea(good)
So I go upstairs to dig out DOT ...... It's NOT there!!!!!

So I come down and say where's the DOT
I've got it, I might need it
Well I need it, so put it back it's not your to take!!
If you want it. Take a photocopy of it

I'm fuming

Then thing since Friday I have to pay him for something yes 50/50
I only had £10, so he took that.
Up till today he hasn't given me the change!
So tonight I say. Is there a reason you haven't given me my change since Friday?
I'll keep it, as there's probably some other things we'll need so I'll use that!!!!
Control control control

I'm going to start looking later on net for CA, solicitors and WA if we have one.
I will see if he produces the DOT (if he doesn't I'll go mad)
Xx

OP posts:
petalsandstars · 20/10/2015 18:49

This sounds like it might get dangerous. Is there a copy elsewhere? Can you tell him you need to take DOT to get it photocopied as a certified copy. break your printer/scanner.

TendonQueen · 20/10/2015 18:54

Don't deeds of trust get registered somewhere? What about whoever drew it up for you?

Re bills, we pay towards them in proportion to income. So at times each of us has been putting twice as much as the other into the household account (we also have our own separate accounts) because of earning more. That's a fair system.

TendonQueen · 20/10/2015 18:57

And don't give him any more money. Just none. Tell him you will pay for your own stuff and he should do the same. I'd also start moving valuable items of yours out of the house and I would keep paperwork somewhere safe out of the house and bank cards on you at all times.

Grapejuicerocks · 20/10/2015 18:58

Get copies of his bank statements, investments, pay slips anything you can find. I know you are not married and they are probably irrelevant but you never know. The more "knowledge" you have, the more power.

Presumably you can get a copy of the DOT from the solicitor if necessary? I think it's a race now to protect yourself. He is up to something. Take tomorrow off work if necessary - it seems like speed is of the essence.

Grapejuicerocks · 20/10/2015 19:01

Keep an eye on the joint account. You'll be jointly liable on any debt there. Can he have done anything in your name and forged signatures etc? It's not uncommon. He's been planning for a while.

HSMMaCM · 20/10/2015 19:17

Ask him for your 'copy' of the DOT back and point out it will save you getting a new copy from the solicitor, who has the 'master' copy.

amarmai · 20/10/2015 19:30

he's been a step ahead of you along op. He has taken your legal document=theft. Report to the police . Start a paper trail as you can expect more stepping over boundaries. He is not bound by the same moral values as you .

Grazia1984 · 20/10/2015 19:32

Yes do as HSM says. Also your solicitors probably have a copy anyway.

Also worth going on the Land Registry website and for a few pounds downloading everything there relating to the property. It might even refer to the percentage ownership you each have although not necessarily.

If you and he did split up would you be able to take over the mortgage entirely and buy him out of his share of the house?

MrsTerryPratchett · 20/10/2015 19:33

The gloves are off now, aren't they?

NameChange30 · 20/10/2015 19:58

Hi OP,
Women's Aid have a free national helpline, the number is 0808 2000 247. It's best to call but if calling is difficult (if he's around for example) you can email them at [email protected].

Please also see their advice on staying safe and preparing to leave an abusive partner:
www.womensaid.org.uk/domestic-violence-survivors-handbook.asp?section=000100010008000100310005&sectionTitle=Making+a+safety+plan

NameChange30 · 20/10/2015 20:04

Don't wait for him to give you the DOT. Do a thorough search next time he's out. If you can't find it, the solicitor might have a copy.

And I think this is good advice:
"I'd also start moving valuable items of yours out of the house and I would keep paperwork somewhere safe out of the house and bank cards on you at all times."

I wouldn't worry too much about finding his paperwork, tbh, although it's a bonus if you can. Focus on gathering and protecting your own paperwork and valuables. The most important is the paperwork for the house and mortgage. Take copies and leave them with someone you trust.

Do you have any joint accounts with him?

SouthWesterlyWinds · 20/10/2015 20:24

Something tells me that the DOT won't be found in the house and yes put it elsewhere. OP - please tell me that there would be a master copy with the solicitor somewhere? And yes to reporting the theft of your legal property.

badaboom · 20/10/2015 20:56

Before you do pull a bluff please confirm that your solicitor does indeed have a copy of DOT in case he refused to hand it over or destroy the only copy.

In my opinion, your OH is being shifty by getting hold of your DOT without your permission. I reckon he's going through it with a fine tooth comb to suss his situation and maybe getting independent advice or his next action of play.

www.deedoftrust.co.uk/index.php/faq

Most definitely get advice from solicitors and get a will in place.

NameChange30 · 20/10/2015 20:57

badaboom What's the urgency on the will? They're not married so surely the OP's estate would go to her son?

Original poster
Haribogirl · 20/10/2015 21:44

Hi ladies

Thank you so much for your advice, keep it coming in case I forget anything!

I do have a copy! As I copy everything legal etc

Thing is he shouldn't of bloody took it, it wouldn't surprise me if its out off the house!
Is the DOT my property??? Even though we both signed it and it says 50/50
Thought it would of been joint property.

If he wants to play dirty I will take all the mortgage/mortgage insurance/and property details from solicitor and take them to my sisters house.

As we're not married, anything money/shares/isa's etc are all his.

I have a joint acct with him for DD for bills only we each put £250 in each month

He won't if forged anything etc, he's as straight as a dive wouldn't dream of getting a police record.
I couldn't afford to buy him out! As I thinks his stake amounts to 61k and I don't work due to ill health.

I've been on WA site there's one in the city, (there don't give its address, is this because they tell you when you ring where they are? )

Thing is I don't know if I can stay here when solicitors letters start exchanging! But renting will costs me extra money that I now more than ever need.
We have a front room, I suppose I could buy a tv and have an Ariel put in
And live from there.
I also feel DS is in the middle of all this, though he is either out/work/or in his room, but like tonight he's stood there chatting to him like he's his best friend!!!

OP posts:
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