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Original poster

Mortgage dispute dp/me

399 replies

Haribogirl · 16/10/2015 11:37

Dp and I took bought property 13 years ago for £160.000
I put deposit down of 80.000 he got mortgage for his 80.000( with both names on it, as he would of been able to get this much on his own)

So 13 years on and he's had a brain wave, he now decided that because of the interested he's had to pay for getting the mortgage that he's actually paying more than me!!
My argument is he must of known that interest was added in the first place and it's not up to me to now start paying it.

He won't it so that
He as added his mortgage payments up for the last 13 years which amount to £79400.
So when he reaches 80k(same as I put in at beginning) he then wants me to start paying half the mortgage.
Also at the beginning in solicitors, solicitor advised me to make a deed of trust to guard my 80k in the event of anything happening in the future.

He doesn't agree with this now! As he realised that in event off I would get this and half the equity we make, he thinks all off a sudden I'm ripping him off.

This is only in the event off!! Which I have mentioned.

I feel I've just protected myself as advised, he now thinks I'm ripping him off

OP posts:
MistressMia · 17/10/2015 23:36

After mortgage was paid then only then I would make it 50/50

So you have been fair all along.

He is trying it on & sounds pretty nasty.

Leave him. Sell up. Enforce the DOT & walk away with your £80k + 50% of the remaining equity. It will serve him right and give him something proper to feel embittered about.

Original poster
Haribogirl · 18/10/2015 00:03

I can hold my head up high and say I have played fair and beyond 100% all along till his change of the goalpost.

OP posts:
sykadelic · 18/10/2015 00:17

OP You paid your interest years ago when you had the mortgage for the house you sold to put down the $80K deposit. Why should you pay interest on a loan that you didn't need? Why does he get an interest free loan? How is it fair that he gets 13 years to pay off his, and you used your savings? You could have bought a new car instead and got a full $160K loan together, then you'd both be paying more (more interest etc etc). Having a smaller mortgage also means he was able to pay for more things, you were able to pay for things you wouldn't have otherwise paid for, AND you weren't able to put your $80K into a high interest account or anywhere else. He too got the benefit of your money.

If you didn't have the deed of trust, but you still paid your $80K, and the mortgage had $40,000.00 left... there'd be $210K left. Split that you each get $105,000.00 back.

He now has a profit of $65,000.00 (paid $40K for a $105K return) and your profit is $25,000.00. (paid $80K for a $105K return), you would, essentially, get less.

He did not get an interest free loan, and you shouldn't be the one punished by that. He had just as much time in his life to save $80K but he didn't. He also wouldn't have got a $160K home loan without you. YOU are the reason there's a house, and YOU are the reason he's been able to get a house for "only" $80K, and YOU are the reason you both now have this $250K investment.

Out of interest, why is your name on the mortgage? Cheaper interest rate? He wasn't able to get it alone? Again, you helped him and he's decided that's unfair? No. This is his mortgage to pay.

That said, if he chooses to not pay the entire mortgage, and the home is foreclosed on, you would be penalised by this as well. He cannot make you pay the mortgage though. Again, it's HIS loan because HE didn't have the money and HE needed to borrow it to get the house. His loan also means you both get less profit when the home is eventually sold. It's his interest to pay. Plain and simple.

suzannecaravaggio · 18/10/2015 00:25

DP as not spoke last night/to date, but expects I still clean,cook etc and he do his own thing

what a barsteward he's being, take him to the cleaners...

amarmai · 18/10/2015 00:43

time to stop doing the woman work , op.

paramedicswift · 18/10/2015 02:30

Do you feel safe, Haribogirl?

Is he likely to get angry?

HappyMeerkat · 18/10/2015 02:37

i haven't read the whole thread but it seems like he is getting screwed its being said that you paid 80k and thats yours and the mortgage is his 80k and he's been paying it off himself up until now. well it sounds like you are asking for 50% of the 80k he had to put in so in reality what you're actually saying is you would want a 75%-25% split which i think is unfair.

its also arguable that you also wanted to move into that house with him and knew he didn't have 80k and that this was the only way it was going to happen, therefore ultimately giving little choice because if all his capital came from a mortgage then if he didn't want this it would never have happened and would have probably been a deal breaker for many not living together.

i have a feeling if it was reversed others would say that there were some issues of financial abuse here and less its his own thought.

HappyMeerkat · 18/10/2015 02:40

also (and i state again i haven't read the whole thread) you said if you pay half his mortgage you get half the proceeds but i think you said that he' paid about 79k back so its generally interest left which is not half the amount besides even if it were would it not be half of half if he had already paid the 80k that would have been half?

NameChange30 · 18/10/2015 02:47

Well Happy that's why you need to RTFT Smile
Or if you can't be arsed to read the whole thing, you could at least read the OP's posts.

HappyMeerkat · 18/10/2015 03:19

Emma,

if it makes it better, i did report my posts shortly after posting and reading more of the thread Blush

diggerdigsdogs · 18/10/2015 03:47

LTB

He sounds a nasty one.

Grazia1984 · 18/10/2015 07:42

The reason she had to go on the mortgage was because the partner's income was not big enough and the lender insisted and also they don't do loans I think to one joint owner of a property.

I did know someone who had moved in with a partner (not married) and their agreement in writing, a deed of trust, said if one wanted to sell then they could force that sale. The other did not want to sell so it had to be taken to court. Ultimately the one wanting to sell was bought out by the other and their new partner. It was mess though and the court proceedings were expensive.

SouthWesterlyWinds · 18/10/2015 08:16

He's definitely trying it on. Funny how a sudden windfall makes a person a skinflint. The OP has stated how she is being fair:

DOT protects her £80,000 until such time as the mortgage is paid off. Then it will be 50-50.
If he insists on her paying the mortgage now, then she can enforce the 80,000 then 50% of the remainder as she did state from the beginning, if she paid the mortgage, she would have 75-25 in her favour.

From the sounds of things though OP, he's trying the stonewalling treatment to get you to cave. He's also going out and refusing to tell you where or how long which would be normal communication in a healthy relationship -
~ What are your plans today Tom?
~ Well, I need to go to the bank, the meet Dick and Harry and have a mans lunch and then do manly things. What about you love?
~ Pottering around the house then will have dinner in for 6.
~ Lovely, call me if you need me to pick up anything.

I get the sense that he isn't communicating this way and is basically ignoring you until you kowtow to his financial and lifestyle way of thought. Basically he wants you to pay more so he doesn't have to part more with his rather large payouts of late. I do think it's time for some legal advice OP, just to cover your back.

petalsandstars · 18/10/2015 08:36

I think your solicitor was spot on and their advice has really protected you from him screwing you over. Don't get rid of the deed of trust - he could quite easily pay off the capital remaining with his inheritance etc. The interest paid to the bank is beside the point and his alone. This is what he wants you to pay effectively. Sounds like you would be best placed to look at your options as living like this is not what you want for the future surely.

CrapBag · 18/10/2015 21:03

OP, get that Will made protecting your DS. If anything happened to you now, what would happen to your money? I'd guess as you would die intestate it would go to your NoK, ie DS but because you have a joint mortgage with your DP that would complicate things wouldn't it? You do not have to tell him what the Will says or that you are even getting it done. I'd protect your son because your DP sure as hell won't. He'll be out for every penny he can get as he seems to think he is owed.

Do you actually want to stay with him? You have mentioned how selfish and money orientated he has become, he is also acting like a petulant child and still expects you ru around after him! Does he have any redeeming qualities at the moment?

I can't believe the amount that of lump sums he has received lately and he is bitching about the mortgage, he can pay it off FFS! But he'd rather you pay half wouldnt he and he still gets to keep all of his money.

Original poster
Haribogirl · 18/10/2015 22:46

Thank you all once again ladies, for your time and effort as I now most of you have young families/work and your time is precious to you.

Will he's still giving me the silent treatment! (But I am used to it by now, so no real hurt there)

I never thought of money outstanding on mortgage(both names on it) and having to pay half of it, if just say I die tomorrow(God forbid) more money to him cha Ching !!!

There's not a cat in hells chance he would use his lump sums/inheritance to pay of mortgage.
I think he likes to see what he's worth and his balances going up!!

I'm going to broach the subject tomorrow aghhh
He will probably shut me up with I'm not discussing it. Your not stressing me out
So maybe I might later put something down on paper what some of you ladies have kindly formulated for me and put it in his lap.

Watch this space !! Xxx

OP posts:
BYOSnowman · 18/10/2015 22:48

perhaps he needs to understand that if he has a big cash balance and a big mortgage his balance is going down not up (unless he has found a super savings rate)!

Grapejuicerocks · 19/10/2015 10:59

Good luck.

clam · 19/10/2015 11:34

Well, refusing to discuss it is not going to help him in a month or two when he decides the time is right for you to start helping to pay off the interest on the loan he took out.

Living like this sounds intolerable.

Grapejuicerocks · 19/10/2015 12:32

Are you actually getting anything out of this relationship? I can't imagine DH not speaking to me for 10 minutes let alone days. I think you have bigger problems than this mortgage tbh.

ENtertainmentAppreciated · 19/10/2015 12:39

perhaps he needs to understand that if he has a big cash balance and a big mortgage his balance is going down not up (unless he has found a super savings rate)!

Absolutely.
OP you should point him in the direction of the Money Saving Expert site.
Advice is always to clear debt if you can rather than amassing savings beyond a rainy day pot, especially at your time of life.

I think you also need to get some specialist advice as to what would happen in the even of either of you dying.

Getting all your affairs in order is important and even more so with the deterioration of your relationship.

whatsthatcomingoverthehill · 19/10/2015 12:42

The more we hear the stupider he sounds.

laureywilliams · 19/10/2015 13:01

Does he realise that if he pays off the mortgage (which he could) he'll then get 50% of the house if you sold? (Hope I've got this right)

Why on earth would he expect you to help with his re-payments when he could pay off the mortgage outright (AND then own 50% of the house to his benefit)?

clam · 19/10/2015 13:06

Of course he won't pay off the mortgage using his precious capital! Because he reckons he can get the OP to stump up half of his interest bill.

howabout · 19/10/2015 13:35

As I understand it his problem with paying off the mortgage would be that he would deplete his savings to do this and the Op is intending to entail her half of the property to her son with only a life interest for him should she die first. This would permanently tie his affairs to his stepson, who although an adult currently still lives with his Mum and step father.

I agree he is behaving badly and has been financially naive, but I think he does have a valid concern which the Op should consider if she has any hope or will to resolve matters amicably and fairly.