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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think mil should pay?

129 replies

Lj8893 · 15/10/2015 20:41

Dhs youngest sister is 14 and lives with his mum, in the October half term mil is going on holiday with her partner and has asked us to have sil. Not a problem but we have said we can't afford the extra costs etc so she will need to give us a contribution, she has offered £50 which will cover her food costs and extra electric, gas etc for the 9 days just.

In that week it's also our dds birthday and we have planned to go to a localish family attraction park which costs about £25 each (not dd as she's under 3). We have set that money aside as we are on a very low income and have to budget things carefully. We explained we will be doing this to mil and would she be able to pay for sil to come as we can't stretch to another £25 easily.

She has said she can't afford to do that.

So our options are:

A)change our plans and not go
B) find the extra £25 ourselves
C) leave sil at home (which seems really mean!)
D) say tough, we won't be able to have her for the week then.

Aibu to think if mil can afford to go on holiday, she can afford to pay £25!

OP posts:
Original poster
Lj8893 · 15/10/2015 20:42

Should add that we made our plans before we were "asked" to have sil.

OP posts:
SleepyForest · 15/10/2015 20:43

You could leave dh at home and take sil? Or explain to her, at 14 she would probably rather be out with friends.

Joopy · 15/10/2015 20:44

If your DD is under 3, I'm guessing 2, she won't know it's her birthday so celebrate the next week. During half term most attractions are heaving so it might work out better.

MushroomMama · 15/10/2015 20:46

D! Mil is being dead cheeky in my eyes

Specialsnowflake1 · 15/10/2015 20:46

Wow yabvu if you can't cover the £25 between the two of you then i think you should cancel the trip until you don't have your SIL. If she is under 3 then she won't really know the difference .

Sparkletastic · 15/10/2015 20:47

Poor SIL. Why don't you offer to split the expense with MIL and meal plan for the 9 days assuming a £37.50 contribution to food and bills. The impact on your use of water / power from an extra child should be fairly minimal over such a short stay.

Original poster
Lj8893 · 15/10/2015 20:47

She doesn't have any friends where we live, we live about an hour from her town.
Not an option to leave dh at home, we want to celebrate dds birthday as a family.
Unfortunately, it's the only week we can do it really as I am at uni 5 days a week usually and dh works the weekends!

OP posts:
Bellebella · 15/10/2015 20:48

I would put off the attraction until the week after. Your dd will be none the wiser if she is under 3 and you can skip half term. Theme parks are so much better during school term.

TheSpottedZebra · 15/10/2015 20:49

You can't leave her out!
Change your plans and do something cheaper.

LizzieMacQueen · 15/10/2015 20:50

Just a side question, why is your MIL on holiday in the half term week but not spending it with her school-age child?

VimFuego101 · 15/10/2015 20:50

What is the attraction park? if it's something like Gullivers then I can't imagine a 14 year old being interested - she'll probably be happy to stay at home if you leave her some snacks!

Baaaaaaaaaaaa · 15/10/2015 20:50

£50 for 9 days food + a bit if leccy and gas? You're making on that. You want another £25 on top? Take it out of the £50. You're supposed to be helping MiL out not charging excessively.

YABU

honeysucklejasmine · 15/10/2015 20:51

I get that as she's family you should pay, as some might think, but she's also a child who is not yours, and you are on a tight budget.

Especially if your dc knows about planned trip I bet they'd be gutted to not go.

In this instance I might ask 14 yo to organise a day with friends as you already have plans. It's not her fault, but it's not yours either.

Original poster
Lj8893 · 15/10/2015 20:51

Last time she stayed with us she ate us out of house and home and our gas costs were astronomical! I think I was the same at 14 though to be fair.

I do feel really sorry for her, she hasent had a great upbringing and has been passed from pillar to post her whole life. Hence why I would feel mean leaving her at home and want to include her in our activities whilst she is with us, but we do have a low income and it's going to be a tough week financially! £25 may not sound a lot to many people, but it is a lot of money to us!

OP posts:
patterkiller · 15/10/2015 20:51

I feel really quite sorry for SIL. She's fourteen and nobody wants her on her school holidays.

Can you make a fuss of her staying but say that the farm trip was pre arranged so she will have to sort herself out for the day. She will be a helpful ali babysitter in the next few years. Be kind to her.

Specialsnowflake1 · 15/10/2015 20:52

VimFuego101 how does that convo go? "Hi SIL we are away out for a lovely family fun day out. You can't come but there is some crips have fun!!"

And OP you are totally on the make.

Floralnomad · 15/10/2015 20:53

Blimey ,how to make a visitor feel welcome ! your mother is going on holiday without you and your brother needs paying to look after you for 9 days ,poor girl must be really looking forward to her half term break .

ohtheholidays · 15/10/2015 20:53

YANBU but your MIL is,why isn't she taking her own daughter on holiday with her?Like you said your already doing her a favor and if she can afford to go on holiday she should be able to affor the £25 for her daughter to join you on a day out.

I can't believe overs are suggesting your in the wrong,not go out for the day,leave the birthday girls Dad at home Confused Why would you,if I suggested that to DH I think he'd think I'd lost the plot.

Grazia1984 · 15/10/2015 20:56

Could she get a job that week eg temporary paper round say and earn the £25?

Original poster
Lj8893 · 15/10/2015 20:56

That's a whole other story lizzie Hmm

Dd will be 2, and is very aware of what we are planning, it's a safari park and we have been telling her about it for a few weeks and she is waking up everyday roaring like a lion and aaying the name of the place! I know that sounds stupid but it would be disappointing not to take her.

If we didn't go half term, we probably wouldn't have the chance to go until Xmas hols when it will probably be too cold!

OP posts:
KP86 · 15/10/2015 20:57

How rude of MIL to not give her daughter spending money for the holidays, while she is staying at someone else's house.

My parents looked after DS (then only 15 months) for 8 nights and I left them $150AU, with more available if needed.

What is SIL meant to do during the week? Just hang around the house with you guys? Not saying that won't be nice for her, but how boring, especially if she's an hour away from friends.

Since MIL is going on her own holiday, that is especially mean. Poor SIL, she must feel very unloved.

CrapBag · 15/10/2015 20:59

She isn't a visitor. OP had plans for that week and MIL wants to dump (and that's exactly what she is doing) her DD on OP and her DH so she can fuck off on holiday.

Your MIL should cough up. She wants to swan off, she should be prepared to pay up. If she can't afford it, tough shit, she'll have to find the money for HER child.

Don't cancel your day out or leave your DH at home. Why should your child's birthday be scuppered because your MIL can't take her own daughter on holiday.

Original poster
Lj8893 · 15/10/2015 20:59

We are totally not on the make, how rude!

We are very happy to have her for the week, she's a lovely girl.

My mum has offered to pay for sil, worry over!

OP posts:
RedSoloCup · 15/10/2015 20:59

Is it a Theme park you can use Tesco days out vouchers at?

link

HelsBels3000 · 15/10/2015 21:00

The answer is you can't have her then - sorry!