To think mil should pay?

[Lj8893]

Dhs youngest sister is 14 and lives with his mum, in the October half term mil is going on holiday with her partner and has asked us to have sil. Not a problem but we have said we can't afford the extra costs etc so she will need to give us a contribution, she has offered £50 which will cover her food costs and extra electric, gas etc for the 9 days just.

In that week it's also our dds birthday and we have planned to go to a localish family attraction park which costs about £25 each (not dd as she's under 3). We have set that money aside as we are on a very low income and have to budget things carefully. We explained we will be doing this to mil and would she be able to pay for sil to come as we can't stretch to another £25 easily.

She has said she can't afford to do that.

So our options are:

A)change our plans and not go
B) find the extra £25 ourselves
C) leave sil at home (which seems really mean!)
D) say tough, we won't be able to have her for the week then.

Aibu to think if mil can afford to go on holiday, she can afford to pay £25!

I'm relieved to hear that usual, I have little experience of teenagers and was basing my calculations on what I was like as a teen and what my friends with teens tell me!

MIL is taking the piss. Teenagers eat as much as a grown man if not more. If posters think it costs less than £50 for 9 days to feed and provide hot water, laundry etc, they obviously are not the ones paying the bills.

I think £ 20 per day for looking after her is quite a conservative amount to offer( and I'm someone who lives hand to mouth)

I'd love a holiday; but funds don't permit.

Effing tightwad MIL!!

School lunches are £2.30 per day here Okay eating at home is cheaper but you know doing someone the favour of hosting their child for 9 days when they are on a tight budget shouldn't be costing them money!

Yes you can feed a family on very little, but it's not fun having to spend every day cooking from scratch etc.

I would say no I think, if I couldn't afford it.

usual - would you cancel your own child's birthday plans in order to fund your sister staying with you? When the parent is going on holiday?

This is not some emergency situation, the MIL hasn't been taken ill or had to rush off to deal with another ill family member. She is going on holiday.

As I have said already, we have never asked for money for looking after her before. But our financial situation has changed and we would not be able to afford to do it if not.

If we said no, then she would get left with someone else or at home alone or mil wouldn't go away and would resent sil for that. Dh frequently gets reminded of the time mil couldn't go on holiday as his nan and grandad were also away so couldn't look after him and his older siblings.

StackLadys
Who are these MNers who don't believe a healthy 14 year old doesn't cost at least £50 for 9 days' worth of food and bills?? Barking, the lot of you

Well, me for one (I have 19, 16 and 13 yr olds, so have been doing this a while). Or, if you want lots more examples, go and have a nose over on the 'Higher Education' threads where people are wondering how much they need to give their dc to survive on week after week when living in their own accommodation (clearly a lot more expensive than eating as part of a family). I'm not barking in the slightest.

oops, dc3 is 14 now, not 13

mil wouldn't go away and would resent sil for that

She would resent her own daughter for not being able to go on holiday, or leave the 14 year old home alone?

Seems there is way more to this.

I think people are being unreasonable harsh. OP sounds like she's living in a financially tight situation.

This is just another MIL bashing thread.

No, it really isn't! Bashing this particular MIL - or rather mother of the 14 yr old - yes. Bashing MILs generally - of course it's not.

This woman is going off on holiday but begrudges leaving money for her daughter to have a day out. If she can afford a holiday for herself she can afford to pay for her own child to have a nice half-term.

Shame on you, OP for daring to save enough money for your family and not (psychically!) realising that SIL would join you.

I really didn't want this to be a mil bashing thread, I do actually have a good, if distant, relationship with my mil.

There is more to it, mils parenting has also been slightly dysfunctional and it's only recently sil has come to live with her. I don't really want to say more than that, but she has been passed from pillar to post a fair bit, hence why we have had her stay lots.

I'm still wondering why the MiL is going away, without her daughter, during a school holiday. Why then when the daughter is around all day?

I think it's the MIL that's out of order. I couldn't imagine handing my child over for someone else to look after and not leaving them an envelope of cash to do with as they see fit, and I certainly wouldn't be trying to work out the exact amount it would cost them. They are helping me out, so they get money to cover it.

Gosh, I leave my friend a $250AU per week, a stocked fridge and wine fridge as she's doing me a favour. She keeps telling me she doesn't want any money, she's doing me a favour, but I don't care what she spends it on, and that's just for looking after my dogs.

When I say financially tight, I wouldn't say we were living hand to mouth. we have made cutbacks for the last 2 months to be able to afford the £50 (plus small birthday present). We will continue to make those cutbacks for Xmas money.

We are lucky that we have had the opportunity to make cutbacks, I realise many people wouldn't be able to do so.

If we had had more warning then we could have saved the extra £25 but it's only just been put on us, not that we resent it before someone says that again! Just would have been nice to have a little more prep time

cactus the OP didn't say she is living hand to mouth. She just said she's on a low income and has to budget carefully. She has chosen to save her money for a special day out. Then suddenly she has to pay for an extra person, which if you've been on a low income, you'll know throws the careful calculations out.

OP it sounds like there's a huge backstory here with MIL's parenting. Given that, YANBU to want her to pay but perhaps you were being unreasonable to expect her to pay if she hasn't been much of a parent up until now. Just be assured that your SIL will remember and treasure any kindness and affection you have shown her if she has been passed all over the place.