To think mil should pay?

[Lj8893]

Dhs youngest sister is 14 and lives with his mum, in the October half term mil is going on holiday with her partner and has asked us to have sil. Not a problem but we have said we can't afford the extra costs etc so she will need to give us a contribution, she has offered £50 which will cover her food costs and extra electric, gas etc for the 9 days just.

In that week it's also our dds birthday and we have planned to go to a localish family attraction park which costs about £25 each (not dd as she's under 3). We have set that money aside as we are on a very low income and have to budget things carefully. We explained we will be doing this to mil and would she be able to pay for sil to come as we can't stretch to another £25 easily.

She has said she can't afford to do that.

So our options are:

A)change our plans and not go
B) find the extra £25 ourselves
C) leave sil at home (which seems really mean!)
D) say tough, we won't be able to have her for the week then.

Aibu to think if mil can afford to go on holiday, she can afford to pay £25!

I feel sorry for the SIL.

jorah already --not so gently* reminded him of that.

We are on a low income whilst I'm at uni, in the past when we have had sil we have done lovely things with her as we had slightly more money (although we have never been well off!) and we have never asked for a contribution to her costs before.

Although we did ask for a contribution when slightly older sil stayed with us for 4 months we didn't receive a penny

She is spending 25 per head on one of those hugely overpriced 'family attractions'. She's not that hard up, is she?

Even families on low incomes save up to have treats for special occasions.

Whether you think they are overpriced is irrelevant.

This family has planned a nice day out that they are really looking forward to. No need to sneer.

We don't get to make decisions on how other people spend their limited budget though, do we? And cactus your clapping seems fine, it's your reading and comprehension I was worried about as you decided the OP 'resented' her SIL visiting even though she repeatedly said she feels sorry for her SIL, enjoys her visits, that she's lovely and pleasant. I've been on a low budget; I've still saved and planned for special treats. Having to suddenly fork out unexpectedly for an extra person would have been a major strain but I wouldn't have been keen to change plans I'd been saving for and looking forward to.

Special my parents went away too but there's something about this OP that's a bit wretched - MIL going away at half-term and not leaving any money for her own daughter without being asked. If I could afford to go on holiday without my DC, I would make damned sure I left plenty of entertainment money.

LJ you obviously take after your Mother that is really kind of her to pay for SIL to come with you.

Your MIl sounds bloody awful,4 months and no money,what the hell is wrong with the woman?

I'm glad your SIL's have you and your DH and I bet they are as well.

And your DD sounds adorable roaring when she wakes up,hehe

holidays thank you, your post has made me smile. Haha, she even roars in her sleep some nights!

Agreed bathtime and sneer is exactly the right word. I can't figure this place out sometimes. Someone on a low budget saves hard for a special occasion, agrees to care for a 14 year old for a holiday week and then yes, gets sneered at for wanting the mother of the child to contribute. Bonkers.

Next time she asks I would say no though.

I actually do like mil, and get on well with her. I just don't necessarily agree with her actions and thoughts sometimes. She can be a little selfish.

Dh has a strained relationship with her, because he was bought up in the same way sil is. He resents mil quite a bit.

Your welcome LJ,my big brother used to roar sometimes when he was woken up in the morning,not a problem till he did it the morning after my Mother had stayed up at night and watched An American werewolf in London with him,my God we'd never seen her run so fast

If we had the money and the room we would happily have sil come and live with us. In 3 years time when we have the money and space she will be 17 and sooooo not interested!

I really hope you enjoy your day out OP and I'm glad your DM has come through for you. I just don't get the comments judging how you plan to spend money you have saved up to do something nice as a family. Just because DD won't remember the day out doesn't mean she won't enjoy it at the time, which is just as important. Roaring like a lion is so cute! I also think the comments about you resenting SIL's visit are very unfair.

Am still staggered that a mother would go on holiday without her school age DD during half term. Clearly more to this.

OP I am glad the trip is sorted out. I am sure you are a lovely SIL, it sounds like you have done a lot for her in the past.

Your MIL IBU. Whilst £50 would cover staying home and eating in, it'd be easy to spend that over half term. If MIL gets a holiday, SIL should get some treats too. MIL should be ashamed that it's your mother who's stumped up the cash.

Glad it is sorted.

Your MIL is completely out of order, she should be making sure that you have plenty of money to include SIL in your plans, and with enough left over for you and DH to get a takeaway or a nice bottle of wine as a thank you.

All you people telling the OP she is the one being harsh - if you suddenly had an extra family member turning up which meant you couldn't afford the plans you had already made for your DC birthday, and it was your MIL's fault. Are you seriously saying you wouldn't have a problem?

Well done your mum! Certainly she should be the first destination for any left over cash (ha!) and I would not be returning anything to mil!

OP ignore the horrible comments, I must be reading a totally different thread because to me its blatently obvious that you are just trying to find a solution that keeps everyone happy, including your dsil. £50 for a 14 year old on half term for 9 days is nothing.

There are people that don't mind moving birthdays around if they can get away with it (and there is absolutely nothing wrong with that) but to others (like me) the actual birth date is important and warrants being celebrated on the actual date. So I can understand you not wanting to change your already made plans.

Glad its sorted anyway, I just thought after reading some rather mean comments I'd add my two cents in

usual - she is family, but money doesn't grow on trees. Why should the OP and her DH compromise their own plans for their week off simply to accommodate MIL?
Turn it on it's head - if one should bend over backwards for family, why isn't MIL offering to fund the whole thing?

Who are these MNers who don't believe a healthy 14 year old doesn't cost at least £50 for 9 days' worth of food and bills?? Barking, the lot of you.

OP, YADNBU, your MIL is bloody cheeky and I feel very sorry for her poor DD, but it's not your job to take care of her. You are NOT her mother or a childminder.

Your mum sounds lovely!

Sorry to drip feed again, but on the odd day mil has looked after dd she has always asked for money to cover her lunch etc, which we dont resent as essentially we were getting free childcare on those days. (It wasent a regular thing, maybe happened 2 or 3 times when we were stuck)

leeds my mum is incredible!