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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think mil should pay?

129 replies

Lj8893 · 15/10/2015 20:41

Dhs youngest sister is 14 and lives with his mum, in the October half term mil is going on holiday with her partner and has asked us to have sil. Not a problem but we have said we can't afford the extra costs etc so she will need to give us a contribution, she has offered £50 which will cover her food costs and extra electric, gas etc for the 9 days just.

In that week it's also our dds birthday and we have planned to go to a localish family attraction park which costs about £25 each (not dd as she's under 3). We have set that money aside as we are on a very low income and have to budget things carefully. We explained we will be doing this to mil and would she be able to pay for sil to come as we can't stretch to another £25 easily.

She has said she can't afford to do that.

So our options are:

A)change our plans and not go
B) find the extra £25 ourselves
C) leave sil at home (which seems really mean!)
D) say tough, we won't be able to have her for the week then.

Aibu to think if mil can afford to go on holiday, she can afford to pay £25!

OP posts:
Specialsnowflake1 · 15/10/2015 21:01

There is no way a 14 year old will cost £50 a week to feed and water.

putcustardonit · 15/10/2015 21:01

I definitely think you should take her.
£50 is not a lot for a 14 year old so I think MIL should stump up the extra £25. You're enabling MIL to have a holiday without her DD.
I dog in a kennel would cost more than £75.

CactusAnnie · 15/10/2015 21:02

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Sandsnake · 15/10/2015 21:02

You are only BU if you go with the option of leaving SIL at home and still going. I think that would be unacceptable.

But otherwise YANBU! You're doing MIL a massive favour providing essentially free (with the exception if expenses) paid childcare for a week whilst she goes on holiday with her BF. If she can afford that then she can afford £25 for the day out. Thinking about it I can't believe that a mother would begrudge her daughter one day out in half term whilst she's swanning off on holiday without her. Really crap behaviour on her part.

Original poster
Lj8893 · 15/10/2015 21:03

Ah the other thing I forgot to include in the £50 is petrol costs as she has two party's that week we need to drive her to and back from. That will cost about £20.

Anyway, as I have said the problem is solved thanks to my dm!

OP posts:
usual · 15/10/2015 21:04

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BackforGood · 15/10/2015 21:04

The theme park entrance is slightly different, I agree, but I think it's incredibly rude of you to be demanding money to have dh's sister stay with you for a week(+). there is no way in the world that she will cost you £50 extra - I suggest you use that money for her entrance.
I have a 6', hollow legged, 19 yr old ds. When he's away at University, my food bill goes down around £15 per week. I totally refuse to believe that yours will go up £50 by having a 14 yr old stay with you for 9 days.
How horrible for her that nobody wants her during her chool holidays Sad

grumpysquash · 15/10/2015 21:05

OP, if it is somewhere you can use Tesco vouchers, I have a few and don't mind donating a voucher so you can all go. PM me if you want this and we can work something out.

alicemalice · 15/10/2015 21:05

If you're really skint though, do you want to spend £50 going to a family attraction that your DD will barely remember?

I would feel awful if I was your SIL. Let's just hope she's none the wiser.

TheSpottedZebra · 15/10/2015 21:06

Have a nice party at home for you 4.
There I have saved you over £40.

TheFairyCaravan · 15/10/2015 21:06

YABVU

She won't cost you an extra £50. I've got a 20yo who is in the army, he's in the gym every day and runs miles. When he's home on leave he eats loads and showers at least 3 times a day, not to mention the washing, our living costs don't increase by £50 for 9 days.

RandomMess · 15/10/2015 21:06

LOL at a 14 year old not costing £50 to food and water for 9 days!!!!

Lurkedforever1 · 15/10/2015 21:07

Yanbu. Could you perhaps plan a cheap day for sil with her friends that day? Like perhaps one coming for a sleepover the night before, and then them staying at yours together in the morning and going swimming or something?
As to the budget, my dd would cost you that so unfair to say you're profiting. Although tbh if I was going on fucking holiday without her a) it wouldn't be at half term. b) I'd make sure my spend for a holiday wasn't the reason she couldn't go on a day out, and c) I'd make damn sure whoever did have her did have enough left from budget for a treat themselves.

Sparklingbrook · 15/10/2015 21:07

I have only just finished reading and it's all sorted anyway?

CactusAnnie · 15/10/2015 21:07

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MrsJorahMormont · 15/10/2015 21:07

Some of the comments on this thread are revolting - claiming the OP is on the take? That she resents the visit? Hmm Seriously? She's on a very low budget so way to kick her when she's down

I'm glad your mum has stepped up and is helping out but your MIL is a fucking disgrace and your DH should be telling her that. If she can afford a holiday with her partner, she can afford to pay for her own daughter to go on a day trip.

I get so fucked off at men and women who neglect their own children for the sake of a new partner Angry Angry Angry

Original poster
Lj8893 · 15/10/2015 21:08

That's a lovely offer grumpy but it's all sorted now and tickets have been purchased. Smile

Definitely don't resent her staying with us at all, she stays with us regularly. Although it is a squeeze! Maybe it won't cost us the £50, but last time she stayed for a weekend, she went to the shop with soft touch dh who let her buy loads of food treats which came to about £20 Shock

OP posts:
MrsJorahMormont · 15/10/2015 21:09

And definitely look into the Tesco vouchers as you might get lucky with entrance fees.

OllyBJolly · 15/10/2015 21:11

Could she get a job that week eg temporary paper round say and earn the £25?

Don't think my DD's paper round paid that in a month!

I also think you're making this into a bigger problem than it has to be. This is family. You're getting a generous contribution already (imho). Change the plans and have a cheaper day to celebrate the birthday.

I took my kids to Disney world when they were 6 and 4. Neither remember it.

Specialsnowflake1 · 15/10/2015 21:11

Its hardly neglect MrsJorahMormont. My parents often went on holiday for two weeks and my grandparents looked after me. I was hardly neglected.

I am going on holiday on saturday with my DP for a week. My DD is spending the week with her grandparents when she is not at school and my SC not have their regular sleep over at ours . Its hardly neglect again.

CactusAnnie · 15/10/2015 21:12

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MrsJorahMormont · 15/10/2015 21:12

X-posted OP. I think if you're on a low budget you need to gently remind DH not to go mad getting treats when you're already going to be having a big outing.

Original poster
Lj8893 · 15/10/2015 21:12

I'm relieved to hear that teenagers arnt as expensive as I believed though, hopefully at the end of the week we will have enough money left from the £50 to pay my dm back (not that she would take it back) or take sil and dd on another cheap day out somewhere.

OP posts:
BathtimeFunkster · 15/10/2015 21:13

You should have gone for option D, regardless of your mum's offer.

As a PP said, your MIL is a disgrace to dump her daughter on you like that.

Poor kid :(

mineofuselessinformation · 15/10/2015 21:13

I'm with the people who say MIL is seriously out of order....
Who clears off for a week and expects someone else to look after their dc?
Bloody cheek - and totally unfair on the SIL who must be aware that she's 'in the way' of her DM's relationship.