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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Or is this a little strange for a "separated" couple

152 replies

FrancescaP · 15/10/2015 17:43

Top and bottom, my cousin who I don't really see often and aren't particularly close with, well I think she and her ex partner have some dodgy set up going on. So i'd just like some perspective as maybe I'm barking up the wrong tree, but to me it's a little weird.

Anyway, her and her ex partner have four children, they own there own house and they seemed very happy and have been together for years. A couple of years back she announced that her and her partner were splitting up. Instead of one of them staying in the family home and one moving out they both moved out. She got to the top of the council list and got a house very quickly and he moved back home to his father's house despite being in full time work and wing able to afford a place of his own, and they got a tenant in to rent their home. This was about two years ago and for a separated couple they still live like they are very much together and are even going on holiday together to Spain at half term, now all I want to know is this usual for couples who separate?

The thing is my cousin doesn't work so gets full benefits and I fear if the counci/Dwp/hmrc found out about their unique set up then they'd be in a lot of trouble. Don't get me wrong it's great if parents can stay amicable for the sake of the children but my cousin has her ex round almost daily, he stays over some nights, they still go on days out etc and I just think it's a little odd, AIBU here?

OP posts:

Snossidge · 15/10/2015 17:44

Why does it matter to you if it is usual or not?

DoreenLethal · 15/10/2015 17:46

If she is committing benefit fraud then report her. Or don't. your choice.

WorraLiberty · 15/10/2015 17:47

Well have no 'fear'

Her ex is allowed to stay over some nights

honeysucklejasmine · 15/10/2015 17:48

It's a little odd that they are able to get social housing when they own a home, but then I am not au fait with the rules.

The fact that they get along is fine, and good on them.

Seeyounearertime · 15/10/2015 17:48

It sounds odd, I think if she was getting a share of the rental income then it would be of interest to HMRC otherwise it sounds perfectly legitimate.
Also, if he stays more than 3 nights a week I think Council would be interested for HB sakes.
But I'd say leave the to it, if theyre doing something shifty and they get caught it'll be their own fault. As long as the kids are well looked after etc, that's the main thing.

WhetherOrNot · 15/10/2015 17:49

So they have got rent coming in from their own property, but have a council house and are receiving benefits? Fraud. Report.

BeanIontach · 15/10/2015 17:50

Well, it's the most common type of benefit fraud in my country. couples pretending to be single. The single mothers always take the blame. Even though they're not actually single! So women who are genuinely single and genuinely struggling are flagellated for a couple crime.

In my country if you're in receipt of OPFA, then no man can stay over more than two nights a week. You're either in a relationship or you're not.

WorraLiberty · 15/10/2015 17:52

It's possible that the ex partner is the only name on the mortgage

This could be why he moved out and went to live with his Dad.

In which case the mother is doing nothing wrong.

gamerchick · 15/10/2015 17:55

Lots of different scenarios of benefit fraud threads about at the min. Or I'm cracking up.

MammaTJ · 15/10/2015 17:58

Oh what a sweet way of dressing up 'Should I report them for benefit fraud', a totally new take on it!

Original poster

FrancescaP · 15/10/2015 18:01

They are both named on the mortgage and she told my mum that she is getting housing benefit towards her rented house because she proved that their house was in negative equity and that it couldn't be sold.

OP posts:

Anniegetyourgun · 15/10/2015 18:04

Well, if she proved it, it was probably true then.

Is there a problem with this?

Seeyounearertime · 15/10/2015 18:05

Then i fail to see what's wrong? At most they've played the system. Seems that they've got into financial difficulty (house negative equity, possibly home owner loan? Remortgage? Etc) they've taken the option to separate, her house the children in Social Housing and he's living at his dads to save money. I'd wonder if the rent they get actually covers the mortgage tbh. Either way, leave them to it, if that's the best they could do to make sure the kids don't end up homeless then poor them tbh.

OfaFrenchmind2 · 15/10/2015 18:06

MammaTJ Completely!! What do you want, OP? Somebody to support you in reporting even if you gave us just a glimpse of their life.

Woman up, and report them, you are itching for it!

hairbrushbedhair · 15/10/2015 18:07

As a "Seperated" it sounds kind of similar to us, we're working on getting back together but don't live together, he stays round sometimes, we go on days out together and holiday together

DH lives at his mums and I live with DS in a new home

We're not committing any kind of fraud

Lemonfizzypop · 15/10/2015 18:09

The coy way you've written your op is quite irritating

Original poster

FrancescaP · 15/10/2015 18:09

I'm not saying that it is a problem but their set up to me seems odd and I'm not just talking about er claim for housing benefit. I expect most couples would want to stay friendly for the children but these two spend more time together than me and my dh and we are still together! He lives literally at the bottom of her street as that's were his dad has just bought a house so he literally has to walk for two mins and he's at her house. Like I said he earns a decent wage so there's no reason why he would need to move back home and I genuinely belwife that this is a carefully thought out scam no doubt constructed by my cousin as she is money mad and it's all she ever talks about. Think about it she lives practically rent free courtesy of the council, he lives rent free with his dad and they have a tenant in paying off their mortgage for them, pretty cosy set up really.

OP posts:

Arfarfanarf · 15/10/2015 18:09

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster

FrancescaP · 15/10/2015 18:12

I assure you they aren't in financial difficulty. She gets loads in benefits and he gets a decent wage, yes the house is in negative equity but only slightly and the mortgage my cousin said only amounts to £497 a month!

OP posts:

Arfarfanarf · 15/10/2015 18:12

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

gatewalker · 15/10/2015 18:12

I live with my ex - we're housemates in the house I rent. It can work very, very well.

But that's not really what you were asking, were you?

juneau · 15/10/2015 18:13

Well if you were being cynical you could say that they got into financial difficulty paying their mortgage and decided that the best way around it was to pretend they were splitting up in order to get the council to house them. Then they could rent out their house to cover the mortgage, get HB and massively reduced rent on a council flat and otherwise carry on as normal. That's if you were being cynical .... or maybe just smelling a dirty great rat ....

Seeyounearertime · 15/10/2015 18:15

Op, unless you're their financial advisor and have unrestricted access to their accounts then you know nothing. They can tell you what ever they want, doesn't make it true.

At the end of the day though, theyre not doing anything illegal by the sound of it. It sounds like they've hit hard times and this is their response.

But please do report it, let the HMRC and Council Look into it, you might be right and then there will be 4 kids homeless. You'll feel better then.

Original poster

FrancescaP · 15/10/2015 18:17

Yes I'm wondering if they're getting money that they aren't entitled to but mainly because when I do spend any time with my cousin all she talks about is money. Yesterday she nipped round for a cuppa (in her brand new mini) and all she did was go on about the holidays she is going to book for next year, how much her car finance is and what handbag she's going to buy on her next shopping trip. Now I'm not saying that single parents should live in poverty but this to me screams scam, as there's no way if she's not working and on her own that she'd be able to live this kind of lifestyle. I have genuine single friends and they just about manage a weekend at Haven every year and a night out every other month.

OP posts:

Original poster

FrancescaP · 15/10/2015 18:20

If I genuinely thought that they had fallen on hard times then I wouldn't even think on it I really wouldn't but they haven't, and I don't need to no the ins and outs of their finances to no this.

OP posts:

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