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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Or is this a little strange for a "separated" couple

152 replies

FrancescaP · 15/10/2015 17:43

Top and bottom, my cousin who I don't really see often and aren't particularly close with, well I think she and her ex partner have some dodgy set up going on. So i'd just like some perspective as maybe I'm barking up the wrong tree, but to me it's a little weird.

Anyway, her and her ex partner have four children, they own there own house and they seemed very happy and have been together for years. A couple of years back she announced that her and her partner were splitting up. Instead of one of them staying in the family home and one moving out they both moved out. She got to the top of the council list and got a house very quickly and he moved back home to his father's house despite being in full time work and wing able to afford a place of his own, and they got a tenant in to rent their home. This was about two years ago and for a separated couple they still live like they are very much together and are even going on holiday together to Spain at half term, now all I want to know is this usual for couples who separate?

The thing is my cousin doesn't work so gets full benefits and I fear if the counci/Dwp/hmrc found out about their unique set up then they'd be in a lot of trouble. Don't get me wrong it's great if parents can stay amicable for the sake of the children but my cousin has her ex round almost daily, he stays over some nights, they still go on days out etc and I just think it's a little odd, AIBU here?

OP posts:

RhodaBull · 15/10/2015 19:45

I know someone who lives with partner but claims to be single. They live in the dp's sister's house, for which she gets housing benefit. The mother lives in the dp's house, for which he gets housing benefit. He is building a big house and his "home" is his parents'. The mother goes by her married name in this country and her maiden name in another country where she rents out a property and does not declare the rent. And breathe. They've been shopped a couple of times but continue to get away with it.

sugar21 · 15/10/2015 19:50

This isnt making sense apart from the council houses in the South of France and the goat.
Well I'm just going to come straight out with it and say bullshit

KatharineClifton · 15/10/2015 20:16

Lots of different scenarios of benefit fraud threads about at the min. Or I'm cracking up.

Innit! The script involves cars and holidays.

gamerchick · 15/10/2015 20:24

And bragging about it it seems.

ghostspirit · 15/10/2015 20:24

just after xmas it will be how can my neighbours afford to buy their kids xxx they dont work. they even took their kids to see santa. and they had a big xmas dinner and treats.... must be frued....

StrawberryTeaLeaf · 15/10/2015 20:28

I would really enjoy a thread where OP's relative had stolen OP's children in order to claim more benefits and OP came to MN for advice about what to do. That would be a nice new variation on the genre.

Unfortunately we must make do with threads that reflect exactly what is truly occurring IRL this week. Oh well.

KatharineClifton · 15/10/2015 20:35

must be frued....

Said in exactly the same tone as Spamalot's 'plague'

Stratter5 · 15/10/2015 20:38

Still no goats?

ghostspirit · 15/10/2015 20:48

i could never report anyone i cant poxy spell it for a start hhahaha.

there was a goat up thread or was that the other thread?

KatharineClifton · 15/10/2015 20:50

This one has the goat.

Just feel I have to shout FREUD randomly on all these threads now.

Verypissedoffwife · 15/10/2015 20:51

God what a nation of busy bodies we've created. This is the 3rd thread I've read on benefits fraud today!

OP get a life. Read a book, study, travel, play patience repeatedly. Whatever.

KatharineClifton · 15/10/2015 20:51

Except for the Concentrix one though.

Booyaka · 15/10/2015 20:51

That isn't exactly true about having to be evicted. You have to take the summons to your housing officer which might be the letter to which she refers. Often, especially where children, and more especially when some number of children, LAs don't wait for the family to go through an eviction with baliffs but arrange homeless accommodation a few days prior, because at that point it will be a certainty it's going to happen.

Anyway, it's marvellous Mumsnet is having a good laugh about this. If any of you had ever had the misfortune to spend time in homeless accommodation I don't think you'd find the idea that a home owning family are blocking a council house families in need could have quite as hilariously tickling as most of you seem to.

VenusRising · 15/10/2015 20:58

Must be Freud? Eh?

Really op find something to do besides being a nosy Parker!

Your cousin's finances and relationship are absolutely none of your business, so if I were you I'd butt out and mind my own.

FrizzyPig · 15/10/2015 21:05

All those people who claim that benefit fraud isn't as widespread as people make out, clearly don't live where I do.

I know 3 families personally who have told me that "he's not down as living here". I'd never report them because there are plenty of reasons why people feel the need to commit benefit fraud.

My youngest DC is 6, and I'm lucky enough to earn enough money now to not have to rely on tax credits.

However, this has only been the case for the last year or two.

I know for a fact, that definitely a few years ago, even advice centres like connexions were advising young parents to lie and claim as a single parent in order to get the maximum benefits. They would even fill in all the forms for you and tell you what to say if anyone questioned you about the baby's father being around.

I will leave it up to you to work out how I know this for a fact, but put it this way, i know it is true.

I am very lucky to have worked my way up to a job which means I'm not entitled to any benefits or tax credits.

The reasons that people do it are complex. But at 18, with a boyfriend who was an unreliable employee, and rent to pay and nappies to buy- sometimes mothers have to do whatever they have to do to make sure they keep a roof over their head and food on the table.

What I find most shocking is that in these situations, when people do get caught, it is only the mother that gets into trouble as it's her fraudulent claim. What about the useless men who encourage the mothers of their children to risk everything to do it?

hairbrushbedhair · 15/10/2015 21:06

OP i holiday with my DH despite being Seperated because "seperated" does not mean permanently ended in the way divorce does. We are doing counselling and trying to work through the difficulties our family has faced. Going on holiday is a really positive step for us and allows our child to have time with both parents and not miss out on the things we would be taking away from him by permanently ending our relationship.

Whether you can understand it or not, if she talks of unhappy memories in a property they have probably not the idyllic relationship and cushy set up you imagine.

ChilliAndMint · 15/10/2015 21:29

I've not read all the replies but I know of people in my neighbourhood who have separated ; one has got a council home.

A few years down the line the council tenant gets a job , buys the council property for a fraction of it's real value and " surprisingly" the couple get back together

A close friend of mine works for a scheme similar to " better homes"; he sees this time and time again; also with ownership changed to an elderly person in the family in an attempt to get essential repair and modernisation carried out for nil cost .

GreatFuckability · 16/10/2015 06:45

I go on holiday with my ex. Because my kids like it. Its certainly not for my benefit.
How old are her children just as a matter of interest?

GoblinLittleOwl · 16/10/2015 08:55

Sounds like fraud; they appear to occupy a council house while owning their own property and receiving an income from it. They are also depriving another family with greater need of a council house.
'At most they have played the system.'
No. They are dishonest.

derxa · 16/10/2015 09:15

What colour knickers does she wear? That's what I was wondering, Worra.

GruntledOne · 16/10/2015 09:17

I'm stunned by the number of people who think it's absolutely fine to take a council house when you already own a property and simply don't fancy living there because you say it has bad memories. But what I really don't understand is how this family came to be allocated a council house anyway assuming they were completely open about their circumstances with the housing office.

0dfod · 16/10/2015 10:04

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

hairbrushbedhair · 16/10/2015 10:42

I thought if you owned any property at all you weren't allowed a council place?

threenotfour · 16/10/2015 10:58

You don't really need to discuss it here really. You have all the info and suspicion that you need to just report her. If she isn't doing anything wrong then she'll be able to prove that.

From the small amount of info we have as observers, then yes it sounds carefully planned out for the money. It could have been recommended by a dodgy FA if they sought help when realising their house was in negative equity.

LagunaBubbles · 16/10/2015 11:01

She gets loads in benefits

I can just picture her now, sitting counting her gold every day

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