Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Or is this a little strange for a "separated" couple

152 replies

FrancescaP · 15/10/2015 17:43

Top and bottom, my cousin who I don't really see often and aren't particularly close with, well I think she and her ex partner have some dodgy set up going on. So i'd just like some perspective as maybe I'm barking up the wrong tree, but to me it's a little weird.

Anyway, her and her ex partner have four children, they own there own house and they seemed very happy and have been together for years. A couple of years back she announced that her and her partner were splitting up. Instead of one of them staying in the family home and one moving out they both moved out. She got to the top of the council list and got a house very quickly and he moved back home to his father's house despite being in full time work and wing able to afford a place of his own, and they got a tenant in to rent their home. This was about two years ago and for a separated couple they still live like they are very much together and are even going on holiday together to Spain at half term, now all I want to know is this usual for couples who separate?

The thing is my cousin doesn't work so gets full benefits and I fear if the counci/Dwp/hmrc found out about their unique set up then they'd be in a lot of trouble. Don't get me wrong it's great if parents can stay amicable for the sake of the children but my cousin has her ex round almost daily, he stays over some nights, they still go on days out etc and I just think it's a little odd, AIBU here?

OP posts:
StrawberryTeaLeaf · 15/10/2015 18:41

Ah but juice the imaginary cousin is money mad Wink

ConstanceMarkYaBitch · 15/10/2015 18:42

How is she getting both a council house (and straight to the top of this list?) AND housing benefit for a rented house? While still owning a house that is let out...so she has three houses now?
Pull the other one OP

ShadowsCollideIsSurroundedByAd · 15/10/2015 18:42

So it went from

'I fear if the counci/Dwp/hmrc found out about their unique set up then they'd be in a lot of trouble.'

to

'It's pretty clear that it doesn't affect me but that doesn't change the fact that I think my cousin is committing fraud and taking the absolute piss!'

in no time at all. Couldn't keep up the wide eyed, disingenuous, 'oh but I'm worried for them' shite for long, could you?

Original poster
FrancescaP · 15/10/2015 18:43

Yes I'm aware that there is a difference but it's irrelevant. What I meant by confusing the children was that say if mum is telling the children that yes, mummy and daddy love you but we will no longer be living together and doing the same things we usually do, but then nothing actually changes then I imagine that's were the confusion would set in. Most ex couples can and do stay amicable but continuing to live as a couple when they've announced to their kids and the world that they're are separating to me is weird and isn't typical.

OP posts:
unlimiteddilutingjuice · 15/10/2015 18:43

Also- If only more men paid their full share for non resident children, your cousins lifestyle would be completely normal for single mums.

ElsaAintAsColdAsMe · 15/10/2015 18:43

Hair I really hope you declared your ill gotton gains new TV to the benefits office Grin

BeanIontach · 15/10/2015 18:44

ha ha!

Take her handbag though. Is it balenciaga?.

ghostspirit · 15/10/2015 18:45

thats not fair... i want a jet

Booyaka · 15/10/2015 18:45

Report them. Report them too the council. I know a lot of people on Mumsnet subscribe to the 'benefit fraud doesn't hurt anybody school of thought', but in this case it directly does. Because somewhere out there, there will be a homeless family who are stuck in horrible, scummy, dirty, dangerous, soul destroying homeless accommodation because this woman fancies a few extra bob in her pocket.

Fuck 'don't report because you'll make ' 4 kids homeless, if they're doing this they haven't given a shit about 4 of somebody else's kids being homeless because they're greedy.

They shouldn't be block in a council house. Report.

StrawberryTeaLeaf · 15/10/2015 18:47

Most ex couples can and do stay amicable but continuing to live as a couple when they've announced to their kids and the world that they're are separating to me is weird and isn't typical.

Yes, much too pleasant.

Come on OP you have a responsibility to bring some nastiness into the situation and drag everyone down. People being cheerful and getting on is horrible isn't it?

What do you think of my murder idea?

tethersend · 15/10/2015 18:49

How funny.

Two threads about benefit fraud that almost definitely happened on one day.

Original poster
FrancescaP · 15/10/2015 18:49

No she has the council house and the one she owns with her partner. She previously got HB towards her private rented house that rented or six months after her "separation" but then she got made "homeless" and that's how she got to the top of the list, sorry I wasn't clear.

OP posts:
GruntledOne · 15/10/2015 18:52

Either way, leave them to it, if that's the best they could do to make sure the kids don't end up homeless

But why would they end up homeless? They've got their original home and it appears their parents between them get more than enough to cover the mortgage and keep the family.

Original poster
FrancescaP · 15/10/2015 18:53

Thanks Booyaka I've still not decided if I should report her or not, after all she is family but she enrages me she really does. She hasn't even got the sense to commit the actual fraud and keep quiet about it no! She has to brag and go on and on about all that she has, saying that though she isn't the brightest bulb in the box.

OP posts:
ElsaAintAsColdAsMe · 15/10/2015 18:55

Where has she committed fraud though?

You can be a single parent in a relationship, even in a relationship with your ex.

Original poster
FrancescaP · 15/10/2015 18:56

Gruntled, that's exactly what I said to my cousin and she just shrugged it off! I outright asked her why either her or her ex couldn't live in the house that they own and she replied by saying that he ex couldn't afford the mortgage on his own (utter crap!) and she didn't want to stay as it was "too many painful memories" for her, yeah right.

OP posts:
Original poster
FrancescaP · 15/10/2015 18:57

A single parent who is being supported by a partner or in this case an ex partner is not single, sorry.

OP posts:
hairbrushbedhair · 15/10/2015 18:59

There's likely nothing to report but a big fat end of stick

The new car could be because if you're in receipt of benefits there is a cap on how much savings you can have and they used up cash from house sale as couldn't afford another property? Hazarding guesses and asking before deciding you know it all would be my advice

ghostspirit · 15/10/2015 19:00

so it should be like this... the dad can only see his kids every other weekend... no staying over... dad can not stay with his parents rent free because thats not fair. mum can claim housing benefit as long as she does not have any contact with kids father... oh and no holidays.

does that sound more normal?

hairbrushbedhair · 15/10/2015 19:02

A single parent who is being supported by a partner or in this case an ex partner is not single, sorry.

No we really are. Fathers paying maintenance doesn't mean the parents aren't seperated.

ElsaAintAsColdAsMe · 15/10/2015 19:03

A single parent is absolutely entitled to child support for their children Hmm

Original poster
FrancescaP · 15/10/2015 19:04

They'd haven't sold the property though. It's only negative equity by a couple of grand so if they really wanted to sell the house then they could but no they've realised that it'a raiser to live rent free whilst having their house paid for them, I just junk it's so wrong, if they own a house then one of them surely should live in it instead of relying on handouts

OP posts:
ghostspirit · 15/10/2015 19:04

what does supported mean? i bf does not live here but we have a baby together and he pays csa and sees him about 3 times a week and sometimes stays over... he also got new car so theres enough seats. and we are going on holiday next year all together. he does not contibute any money apart from the csa. am i frueding?

SurlyCue · 15/10/2015 19:05

Ahhh the ol' "full benefits" i keep seeing mentioned only on MN threads. (Either in relation to a Mner's DP's EX or someone's lone parent relative)

I've still not met anyone in RL who gets "full benefits" i dont think anyone in the UK would be entitled to all the benefits available at the same time.

Pseudo341 · 15/10/2015 19:05

The one thing I'm really struggling to believe is that a woman with 4 kids drives a mini. Does she put one of them on a roof rack or something?

I do think benefit fraud affects us all, takes taxpayers money away from other causes and makes it harder for genuine claimants to get what they deserve. However I also think it's extremely rare and I'd rather let a few people get away with cheating the system if it meant those in need actually got proper help (not that they do but that's a different issue). Personally I'd leave well enough alone unless I really hated the person and I don't think I hate anyone. It seems fairly plausible that she's entitled to what she's getting and it could put her through a lot of difficulties being investigated even if she's innocent.