Or is this a little strange for a "separated" couple

[FrancescaP]

Top and bottom, my cousin who I don't really see often and aren't particularly close with, well I think she and her ex partner have some dodgy set up going on. So i'd just like some perspective as maybe I'm barking up the wrong tree, but to me it's a little weird.

Anyway, her and her ex partner have four children, they own there own house and they seemed very happy and have been together for years. A couple of years back she announced that her and her partner were splitting up. Instead of one of them staying in the family home and one moving out they both moved out. She got to the top of the council list and got a house very quickly and he moved back home to his father's house despite being in full time work and wing able to afford a place of his own, and they got a tenant in to rent their home. This was about two years ago and for a separated couple they still live like they are very much together and are even going on holiday together to Spain at half term, now all I want to know is this usual for couples who separate?

The thing is my cousin doesn't work so gets full benefits and I fear if the counci/Dwp/hmrc found out about their unique set up then they'd be in a lot of trouble. Don't get me wrong it's great if parents can stay amicable for the sake of the children but my cousin has her ex round almost daily, he stays over some nights, they still go on days out etc and I just think it's a little odd, AIBU here?

I'm happy to hear that council houses are practically free where your cousin lives. Can you let me know what area of the country you live in please, because I've just been offered a flat that's on a par with a private rental.

God bless your genuine single friends scraping an existence appropriate to your requirements

Very very odd. Given the lack of social housing, benefit caps etc etc Im very suprised that someone can get housed so quickly
Too many benefit fraud threads and no I do not believe any of them

why does it matter if hes a reasonable earner but lives rent free at his dads. saves him a lot of money. why should they not go on holiday together. why should he not spend time there.... how does it actually affect you op.

We live up north and as far as I'm aware the demand for social housing in our area isn't huge. It's a pretty affluent area and most people either own or private rent.

I think it sounds fairly normal actually. I have a similar kind of arrangement with my ex - we're both very focused on the children. And I know other parents in similar situations. It's not a unique set-up at all.

If she's claiming benefits that she's entitled to, then what's the problem?

Interesting first post.

It's pretty clear that it doesn't affect me but that doesn't change the fact that I think my cousin is committing fraud and taking the absolute piss!

Fuck me

You seem to know an awful lot of personal stuff about this cousin who you "don't really see often and aren't particularly close with".

What colour knickers does she wear?

i was just thinking the same sugar seems odd there are a couple threads about fraud. and it sooooo hard to get social housing. i thought most people had to stay in hostels before getting housed by the council. could be wrong might depend on the area

I have cousins that I'm not close to and rarely see.

That generally means that those cousins DON'T 'nip round for a cuppa' in brand new minis (or other brand new cars) to blabber on at length about their personal finances.

Is this a cultural thing?

I know several separated couples who holiday together, do days out, stay over at the family home etc and totally admire them for it.

You know what is amazing on this thread and throughout mumsnet - how much people know about others' finances. You don't see this person often- according to your first post - but you know so much about her! Maybe it's all bravado - the lifestyle is financed by debt. Who knows? Not your business.

I myself came from a "broken" family and my parents certainly didn't continue to go on holiday together after they divorced. They stayed friendly which made things easier for myself and my brothers but that was that. I can only imagine how confused I'd have felt if one minute my parents told me they were separating but nothing in actual fact changed and my dad continued to sleep in our home, and came on holiday with us etc.

It's pretty clear that it doesn't affect me but that doesn't change the fact that I think my cousin is committing fraud and taking the absolute piss!

Oh

Earlier you were worried that they would get into trouble.

Omg I said that I don't see her often maybe every month or so, sorry for the confusion, and the only bloody reason I know about her finances to a certain degree is because she openly tells me! I'm the opposite and rarely talk about money with anyone who is not my dh but she can't help herself.

So because your parents didn't do it, you think it's strange that others do?

How is it confusing for the kids?

"Dad's staying over tonight. Oh and he's coming on holiday with us later in the year"

I can't see the confusion?

I myself came from a "broken" family and my parents certainly didn't continue to go on holiday together after they divorced. They stayed friendly which made things easier for myself and my brothers but that was that. I can only imagine how confused I'd have felt if one minute my parents told me they were separating but nothing in actual fact changed and my dad continued to sleep in our home, and came on holiday with us etc.

Ffs we are not "confusing" our children by being able to be mature adults even if our relationships fail or fall on tough times and there is a world of difference between "divorced" and "seperated"

I am worried for her but only because I think she'll get Ito serious trouble if found out but that doesn't mean I agree with what she's doing. Like I said I think she's taking the piss bending the rules in order to reap every benefit going that she isn't actually entitled to.

Haha are we playing MN bingo.

Single parents getting loads of benefits - check.

Free council house - check.

New handbags and car - check.

Just the flat screen TV and we have a full house

Kill her. Put the body in the mini. Drive it off a pier. Stand howling about morals and taking the piss until the police come for you.

With that kind of provocation, you'll be out in 18 months.

I am a welfare rights officer and this seems legit to me.
They moved into different houses- thats fairly indicitive of a break up in the DWPs book (or anyone elses!). They seem to have declared the capital in the matrimonia home and (for the reasons you gave) it is disregarded for benefits purposes.
Maintanance payments are also disregarded. It sounds like your cousin is entitled to everything shes getting.
Nothing to see here......

but op because your parents done it a certain way does not mean other people should do the same... my mum and siblings dad seperated and still used to go round the family home see the kids and bring his washing round and watch cricket with my dad. this was very long time ago though.

why would it confuse the children. they are probably just happy that mum and dad still get on well. and probably think its ace that they are all going on holiday together

You sound eaten up with bitterness to be honest.

I wonder if all these threads are to do with the run up to Christmas and people worrying about how much/how little money they have?

I know someone who owns their own private jet and they've just been given 4 brand new council homes - 3 of which are in the South of France...

I'll play Elsa! I just got a flat screen TV

A small one as a gift from my parents