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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To tell my sister if she buys a Staffie I won't bring DS around to hers?

436 replies

Annarose2014 · 15/10/2015 10:17

I suspect I am. I've heard so much about them being amazing, wonderful Nanny dogs.....

But I've also heard of a lot of attacks. I'm desperately afraid of them, truth be told. I don't trust them. Especially as the dog wouldn't live with DS, but only see him about once a week so its not like DS would be "his" charge.

Sister has wanted one for years and is bitterly disappointed as this is the year she's finally in a position to buy a dog.

But in fairness I just said that she could certainly get one, but would have to see DS elsewhere other than her place as I wouldn't be comfortable with DS in an enclosed area with one in case DS did something wrong and the dog felt threatened and we wouldn't be fast enough to stop something happening.

AIBU?

OP posts:
Thread gallery
12
minime8 · 15/10/2015 10:46

My friend has two lovely, giddy staffies that play beautifully with her ds (always supervised). However, I have asked that when I visit her dogs are away from my dcs, because I know that unfamiliar, young children round giddy dogs can be a recipe for disaster and it's a mistake that cannot happen even once. That said, when anyone visits I always put my great big ridgeback in the kitchen or garden, partly for his own sanity and partly to keep everyone (including him) safe.

YANBU to say you don't want the dog round your ds, YABU to blame a breed.

ThisFenceIsComfy · 15/10/2015 10:46

Do you know what breed of dogs I always tell my DS to leave alone in the park?

(he knows that we must not approach any dog without checking with their owner but these are dogs I tell him that we won't even ask the owner)

Yorkshire Terriers
Chihuahuas
Jack Russells

Mistigri · 15/10/2015 10:46

The breed of the dog certainly IS relevant, because in the event of an attack, some breeds (including staffies) can do far more damage than a smaller or less powerful animal.

Any risk assessment should take into account not only the likelihood of an accident but the likely consequences.

I'd want to be very certain that the dog was well trained, and that my children would be appropriately supervised at all times, before I let them near this breed.

needastrongone · 15/10/2015 10:47

crap I am not defending the JRT, honest Smile, your poor DD, that must have been horrible. But if it growls when 'you go near it when it doesn't want you to', then that is a dog telling you it's uncomfortable with the situation. And not to go near it!! It's like a human saying 'look, I feel uncomfortable here, please back off'. Usually, if a human said that, you WOULD back off, we don't always to what a dog is trying to say.

Again, I am not defending this particular dog, just that there ought to be better understanding I guess Smile

Pranmasghost · 15/10/2015 10:47

I am in my 70s and have been a dog owner all my life. I have never had a Staffie but have known many and none have been even slightly aggressive. The two nastiest dogs I have known have been cocker spaniels.
My own were two mongrels, two Labradors, a Cavalier King Charles and a Cairn terrier. All were delightful, good with children, cats and other dogs. They were not children they were well trained fun loving dogs. We had a word which meant go to your bed and they did. Even one of the labs who was very stupid would obey.

m0therofdragons · 15/10/2015 10:48

I can't trust the dog or the toddler 100 per cent.
People stand up for dogs so much and post photos of tiny kids asleep with pets and it makes me so cross - a colleague of mine had a wonderful family dog, an old English sheep dog. He was 10 and had grown up with her dc who were 9 and 14 when they were out walking one day. A 6 year old dc approached the dog - no problem it was a placid lovely dog, except for some reason something spooked it and it bit the 6yo's face. She had to be air lifted to hospital, nearly died and is scarred for life. So you can tell me your dog is lovely and would never hurt my dc but I won't believe you I'm afraid. I don't think I am being unreasonable although I'm sure many will think I am.

Original poster
Annarose2014 · 15/10/2015 10:49

I'm a bit freaked out about Labs now, tbh!

If she's not getting a Staffie it'll be a rescue dog, pref Labrador (a breed she's pretty scornful of) but otherwise whatever big dog the husband falls in love with on the day.

She's ironically wanting a Staffie from pup because of the publicity. She would be concerned about a rescue ones history. So even she's not immune!

OP posts:
hellsbells99 · 15/10/2015 10:51

I have been brought up with dogs, and lots of my friends and family have dogs. The two most aggressive ones are a Jack Russell and a miniature schnauzer whilst the most placid, clam, gentle and friendly one is a German Shepherd. I would never leave a young child alone with any dog, the breed is irrelevant. All puppies/dogs need to be socialised and I would recommend going to puppy training classes too. I would never buy a puppy without meeting its mother and I would never buy a timid or nervous one.

ShowOfHands · 15/10/2015 10:51

The breed of dog isn't relevant to concerns around her sister's ability to look after a dog. I think that's the point people are making. If the concerns rest on the fact that the op doesn't think her sister will be a responsible owner, then it doesn't matter if it's their first choice of a Staff or second choice of a Lab. Potential damage might vary by breed but whether her DS should be attending that house is probably absolute.

needastrongone · 15/10/2015 10:51

mother The pictures of babies asleep with dogs and playing with dogs, poking them etc make me fearful and cross. It's irresponsible in the extreme.

KingJoffreyLikesJaffaCakes · 15/10/2015 10:52

I like Staffies. They have pleasingly silly grins. I know a Staffie who has a pet rock she carries everywhere.

Only dogs I've been bitten by are the small Jack Russell/terrier type ones.

LittleLionMansMummy · 15/10/2015 10:53

Yabu.

Staffies aren't even in the top 10 most dog bites list, but other 'family favourites' such as the Jack Russell, Border Collie, Springer Spaniel and Dachshund is.

They have a reputation because they're used by not very nice people for dog fighting - that is, they are bought and raised by a minority of people for a specific purpose. And of course, a Staffie's jaws are extremely strong so when they bite, they don't let go and a lot of damage is done.

My dsis got her Staffie from a reputable Kennel Club breeder, socialised her correctly and, although noisy and tenacious, she's the softest and daftest dog I think I've ever known - with the biggest character. My 4yo ds had a sleepover at theirs a few weekends ago. Dsis found ds and the dog snuggled up in bed together, ds cuddling her and saying 'Oh Poppy my darling, I do love you'.

m0therofdragons · 15/10/2015 10:53

I'm glad it's not just me - I choose not to comment as the people who do that don't want to hear anything other than awwww.

Wolfiefan · 15/10/2015 10:53

I wouldn't tell a family member they couldn't see my kids if they got a certain breed of dog.
I would refuse to take my kids round if they planned on leaving them alone and not supervising. All dogs have the potential to hurt.
My lovely mum got a little border terrier. We never leave the kids alone with her. She's training the dog. I've trained my kids. The dog is wonderful with the children but if one day she has an ear infection or has hurt her back she could turn (doubt it but it's possible.)
If she walks away the kids leave her. The kids never get in her face. They never eat where she could reach food in their hand (not that I think she would take it!) etc etc
Oh and I have seen her teeth. She's certainly capable of much more than a nip.

Original poster
Annarose2014 · 15/10/2015 10:55

I wish I could know for sure what kind of dog owner she'd be. She's amazing with cats.....but with my old JRT she used to do a lot of finger-pointing and shouting. I didn't like it. That dog needed boundaries galore, but was a rescue and didn't like shouting. A nervous dog is a dangerous dog.

Basically I worry she'd be a bit of a Barbara Woodhouse type. It might turn out great....but I just don't know. And with a dog with powerful jaws I'd just be shitting myself for years.

OP posts:
sparechange · 15/10/2015 10:58

But what frightens me about Staffies is that when they attack its not just nips, but hospitalisation!

Any dog can hospitalise and even kill. I've seen the scars left on someone after a weimaraner attacked them, and it was horrible.

But you are looking at this the wrong way. You shouldn't feel 'safe' if she has a horrible, aggressive sausage dog on the basis it won't do too much damage when it attacks.

Rather than lulling yourself into a false sense of fear or security, depending on the breed, or assuming a dog can or can't be trusted simply because of the breed, take the time to ask your sister what training she will do, whether any of the classes are things you can come to as well, whether the trainer will give her advice on how to introduce DS...
Laying down an ultimatum, based on your lack of education and knowledge, isn't going to achieve much beyond pissing off your sister

TooExtraImmatureCheddar · 15/10/2015 10:59

I think YABU to say you will never take your DC to your sister's house if she gets a Staffie. What if she agrees to keep dog and child separate during visits (ie, dog is shut in kitchen/garden/crated)? What if she puts a muzzle on the dog, at least until you both know what its temperament is like?

Original poster
Annarose2014 · 15/10/2015 11:00

By the way, she usually comes over to ours to see Ds so its not like I'd be ruining her life or anything. She takes him into the shops or messes around with the toys here.

But she wants the option to babysit him over there. Fair enough, but I wouldn't be there on those occasions. Christ, the fear of it.

OP posts:
StrawberryTeaLeaf · 15/10/2015 11:00

OP why don't you go and meet the dog in question? FWIW, I love staffies and they really are soppy sausages on the whole. But dogs are individuals. Generalizing about entire breeds isn't really the point here. You need to see what this particular dog seems like to you.

Umbo

I hate dogs and never let my DD go near them unless they are muzzled and on a lead.

Muzzled? How will your DD develop the important lifeskill of interacting safely with dogs? Please don't pass on your hysteria.

cashewnutty · 15/10/2015 11:01

I think you are massively overreacting about a dog that doesn't even exist for your DSis yet. Wait until she gets a dog, get to know it, see what it is like. Make sure your DS is never unsupervised with said dog. If your DSis is a reasonable person she will understand that it might need to be shut in the kitchen when you visit.

I have a dog but would never allow a young child to be unsupervised with her. She is placid and gentle with us but at the end of the day she is an animal and could react if provoked or anxious.

ThroughThickAndThin01 · 15/10/2015 11:01

Yabu to make it all about you.

If she's wanted a staffie for years, she should get one. You'll just have to see her at other places than her house, if you are serious about your threat of keeping your DS away.

Original poster
Annarose2014 · 15/10/2015 11:03

But am v glad I started this thread. Its put the fear of god into me about other breeds but thats no bad thing.

Maybe it doesn't make any difference what she gets. I dunno. I'm still scared of Staffies. Thats not gonna just reverse when hers will be the first one I've ever met.

OP posts:
ReginaBlitz · 15/10/2015 11:04

Yanbu as it is your choice and why put your child in a possibly dangerous situation if you don't have to! Yes the likely hood of something happening may be low but it could still happen. I hate how people say oh it's because it's a staffy blah blah well yes! Stafford are the dog that do attack the most as that's what they were bred for, just like sheepdogs are known to nip/herd children like sheep as that's what they are bred for. I personally have nothing against the breed and have looked after 2 rescue staffies in the past with great caution one ended up killing my rabbit, the other my kitten. Doesn't mean I hate the breed killing is just unfortunatly bred into them and they don't stop and lock jaw until they do, put it this way you have 100 percent more chance of getting say a Shih tzu or a spaniel off a child than you have a muscular staffy that's locked it's jaw. My dog is a mixture of two breeds and one of the mix has been in the papers twice for killing babies..it's all about being sensible though, but even though I have her I still would never have another staffy while my kids are so young.

Original poster
Annarose2014 · 15/10/2015 11:04

But am starting to think I should tell her to get what she wants and I'll judge the situation based on the actual dog.

OP posts:
LittleLionMansMummy · 15/10/2015 11:04

I agree with Strawberry to - my sister got her Staffie even before her own dd was born. Therefore we've known her for years and she's been raised with a baby/ toddler/ pre-schooler without incident. I agree that dogs can snap if they're unwell or whatever, so perhaps lay down some ground rules instead - such as no leaving your ds alone in the same room as the dog?