To think that booking a group meal shouldn't revolve round one persons food issues

[notasausage]

It's the dreaded Christmas lunch booking at work. There are 11 of us in the team. Those of us in yesterday had a chat about where to go and selected a tapas place that has a set menu plus the main menu to choose from. One of our team is veggie which we alway accommodate, but is also currently on an exclusion diet for ibs issues. AIBU to think that if she feels the need for us to accommodate her food needs further she should have offered to organise it herself and that we have done enough? Everyone else is happy with this choice.

What places did she suggest?

I'd struggle to think of anywhere that would be suitable for someone on a strict exclusion diet, TBH. She's probably find a problem with anywhere. It's one of those situations where you tend not to eat out if it's for the short term.

What is she excluding, exactly?

I dont like indian food. I dont like the smell of indian reataurants. If people book an indian i just dont go. Ynbu

YABU - they're not being deliberately awkward. It's a team lunch, designed to bring the team together, not to exclude one person. Why not say to her that you're finding it difficult to find somewhere suitable, please could she shortlist 3 suggestions for everyone to decide from?

Agree with ThomasRichard - she has a problem with the choice, she needs to bring you a solution.

What is she excluding that couldn't be accommodated at a tapas place? Genuinely wondering since tapas covers pretty much anything you want.

Book your tapas restaurant and ask for a copy of the Christmas Menu to be sent (or it might be on-line if you already know what they are offering).

Tell her to phone the restaurant herself to have a chat to the chef if she has any extra requirements. Once she has assured herself that she can be accommodated (by the chef - NOT YOU AS THE ORGANISER) then she can decide whether to attend or not. That way, you don't get any additional pre-dinner organising to do [and you would only be trying to convey information as a middle-person anyway] and she can then only blame the chef herself if it is not to her satisfaction on the night.

If I was her I would find a place with acceptable food or just have a drink while the others are eating if no restaurant could cater for me.

YABU, IBS is a medical need and it sucks. They aren't being deliberately awkward.

Tapas will be gruesome for IBS because of the onions and garlic.

Can they not cater for her requirements?

I would suggest she phone them and discuss what they can do for her, they probably wouldn't want to lose the booking.

I have a friend who does this and the majority of places are more than accommodating

Tell her to sort it! I agree she'll probably find a problem with anywhere so she can do the organising!

Is her name Gareth?

Onions and Garlic don't cause my IBS to flare up - everyone is different - I love Tapas

There is usually something on the menu I can eat

If a genuine medical need for a particular diet, I would attempt to accommodate. If just a fussy, faddy load of nonsense then I wouldn't.

It's hard though - I had a gluten-free, vegan friend stay with me recently. Finding appropriate food was a nightmare.

I did think Gareth from the thread title

SantaLopez I totally get that ibs is a medical need and not a choice. However she has known we need to book for Christmas and has not proactively offered to find something that suits her rather than leaving it to to the rest of us.

Santana - to be fair, not being able to have onions garlic or meat, does rule out most restaurants. The colleague needs to say where she can eat, not just where she can't. It could well be that there's nowhere that would be suitable.

If it's a medical issue then I'd feel sympathy. Ask if she has any suggestions of anywhere that would cater for her. If not just go ahead and book the Tapas place. I'd have thought Tapas would be ideal with the amount of choices of tapas. The chances are you'd book somewhere else and she'd not go anyway. (This is not unknown)

I'm vegetarian on Low FODMAP ( IBS type issues) 'tis a blighter and I;m debating if I'll be able to go to the Christmas meal (which AFAIK is not tapas)

Edith - everyone is slightly different but my particular diet excludes{

aside from being vegetarian so no meat/fish/chicken/seafood

onion/garlic/wheat/orange juice/apples/pulses/dairy (I can eat feta) cherry tomatoes/celery/

I can't eat cheddar (painful) and even small amounts of Quorn causes side effects.

I think, I'll hope it's a Friday and eat rice

Did she offer any suitable alternatives?

We have a tapas restaurant in town, the veggie selection is dire. Managing IBS would be a nightmare.

Tbh I'm not going to our work xmas do because they didn't cater for gluten free veggies. No great loss.

Could they make her a veggie paella without onions/garlic if she's avoiding those?

People with complex food issues need to politely excuse themselves from group meals, end of. Just like people with mobility issues need to step aside when the group wants to go ice skating or rock climbing. As long as there are some activities organised that everyone can share, there is no need for every social event to be arranged around one individual's personal limitations.

Ask colleague to give you three places she can eat at. My ibs flames up with the evil brown bread. Onions etc no problem. Ive got it hopefully controlled now due to years of experience. I bet your colleage has to. Hope the meal goes ok.

Gosh, no, YANBU.

I eat almost nothing (seriously, I'm limited to fruit, vegetables, poultry, fish and eggs) and I have an eating disorder but never in a million years would I expect people to cater to my whims. It's so embarrassing when they try, in fact!

I almost never agree to eat out. And if I do I either find something I can eat or I don't. I will always self cater in a group type situation if I can.

Thanks 70s. So, where would you eat for xmas do type of meal? That must be quite difficult.

OP - has your colleague said what they're excluding?