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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that 10 year old girls who aren't great at friendship...

54 replies

colourdilemma · 12/10/2015 21:52

Might get better? Dd may or may not be a bit rubbish at friendship; dh sees nothing wrong, I see a girl who really loves being around people but is not all that great at the business of friendship and a bit fickle. She is talking a lot at the moment about not being included in gangs/games and I'll admit that sometimes I could see why. She does like her ideas to be heard and isn't great at being told what to do. Dh thinks she's ten and that I should let her get on with it. I agree with him to an extent.
I want a crystal ball though-I want to know that young kids get better at friendship with age.
Anyone have a daughter who struggled about with friendship but got better at it?

OP posts:
Original poster
colourdilemma · 12/10/2015 21:53

She also has serial "best friends". Is that normal?

OP posts:
Brioche201 · 12/10/2015 22:04

girls and friendships are awful.It starts at about 9 and finishes... when?

chinam · 12/10/2015 22:04

No idea, but watching with interest as I have an identical situation with my 10 year old.

Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost · 12/10/2015 22:06

. Relax it is completely normal. They're alwsyd falling in and out at that age. Frustrating yes but It's just a part of growing up. My dd had a different friend every week at that age. I just used to let her get on with it. It's not worth getting worked up over. Because while parents are getting worked up and worrying. The children are back friends.
She got senior school and made a best friend and never looked back.
So it does get easier when they go into the big school.

winterland · 12/10/2015 22:08

10 year old girls are tricky. a whirl wind of power struggles. my daughters power struggles are constant. now she is being bullied by a bunch of girls but she says she 'is fine'. but how can it not hurt when people tell you to go away. breaks my heart. ill always be there as a sounding off person but i know she wants to be independent x

Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost · 12/10/2015 22:09

However if she is being excluded from groups. Then that is bullying. You need to speak to the school about that. But not about falling out.

Bunbaker · 12/10/2015 22:09

DD is 15 and it still happens at this age.

Mmmmcake123 · 12/10/2015 22:10

The best thing is not to worry, easier said than done. The first year of high school usually leads to quite a change in how children interact. That is when they start to mature and hopefully learn what works and what doesn't in terms of friendship.

calzone · 12/10/2015 22:12

Am working in y6... Say no more......

Social media seems to be the biggest problem......

Original poster
colourdilemma · 12/10/2015 22:14

Starting to relax a bit. Dh can't engage with discussion about it because a) sun shines out of various parts of dd for him b) he wasn't a friendless teen like me and isn't projecting that onto dd (I am a bit!) c) he doesn't have time to mither about it!
I am worried either way with dd, it's awful! Last couple of years I was worried she wouldn't do lunchtime clubs. Now I'm worried that she does in case it's friends related.

OP posts:
Original poster
colourdilemma · 12/10/2015 22:15

Oh yeah, and I taught year 6 for years and somehow that hasn't helped with dd!

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Parietal · 12/10/2015 22:15

I was like this at 10/11 yrs. A great teacher pulled me aside one day when I was in trouble for arguing & being silly with 'friends'. she told me that I was being immature compared to everyone else in my year, and that if I didn't pay attention, watch other people & learn how to make friends by being nice, I'd never get anywhere. So I did & it worked.

Sallystyle · 12/10/2015 22:17

My dd aged 8 is a bit rubbish at friendships too.

I am afraid she has inherited the family trait of getting pissed off by people far too quickly.

She is introverted but has yet to develop the understanding that it isn't a good idea to completely ignore a friend because you want to be alone and then expect them to want to play again after you have just walked off without any explanation. She unfortunately comes across as quite rude at times because sometimes she will just blank people. I have talked to her about this over and over again and I still give her a gentle poke when she is ignoring someone who is waving hello to her when she just doesn't want to talk to anyone.

I worry about her too.

Original poster
colourdilemma · 12/10/2015 22:17

She sounds great! I have seen dd's teacher and tbh, he was great. Has daughters and said one is very like dd and that he'd watch out.
Irony is, dd finds the work at school straightforward, but the social side is where she is less intuitive and that's the bit they're left to work out for themselves.

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SchnitzelVonKrumm · 12/10/2015 22:17

Why on earth is any Y6 child on social media? FFS.

Original poster
colourdilemma · 12/10/2015 22:19

U2, I think your dd sounds normal! The she sounds great comment was about parietal's teacher otherwise it sounds sarcastic!

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Original poster
colourdilemma · 12/10/2015 22:20

Yes-why to social media? Last thing they need!

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calzone · 12/10/2015 22:20

Schnitzel......Whatsapp and Instagram are the current favourites.

Mmmmcake123 · 12/10/2015 22:20

Social media can be seen as a problem but I think it's just a big visual playground. The same issues happened years ago. It may well be that things were not recorded visually and therefore with evidence, but for children today they have been born into it and don't know any different. They learn to negotiate the social rules in the same way you do in a playground or later on when you go out to clubs. It's not easy but is just part of growing up.

SchnitzelVonKrumm · 12/10/2015 22:25

Minimum age for an Instagram account is 13, for Whatsapp it's 16. Allowing your children to set up social media accounts when they're 10 is neglect IMO.

Youarentkiddingme · 12/10/2015 22:25

My friends DD had a lot of trouble last year (yr 5) with friendship and my friend was extremely concerned about her. This year she's flourishing. She was very much the child who expected people to hang on her every word, was the controlling type, very emotional etc. she figured out for herself through some quite lonely and upsetting months how to successfully fot in and how to find like minded people.
the school has mixed year 5/6 so I think being on the immature end of social development she struggled to fit in where many year 5's developed maturity quicker as they copied the year 6's.

She had my friend and me in hysterics when she rolled her eyes this weekend at how annoying the year 5's in her class are Grin - my friend did point out the irony to her!

Mmmmcake123 · 12/10/2015 22:25

I suppose I am saying you can't pretend social media isn't there or indeed wish it wasn't. It's better to educate on what should be posted, in the same way parents years ago would say you're not going out wearing that

Warriorsoftheworld · 12/10/2015 22:30

I never had friends when i was 10 my mum saw it as normal DP says now at the age of 22 im not normal because i freeze up and hyperventilate when other people my age try socialise with me i just have no idea what to do in social situation or around people id get her checked out by a child phycologist to make sure if you think its nesessary

Mmmmcake123 · 12/10/2015 22:32

Schnitz, don't think anyone has said a 10 yo should be on social media, one post said it makes things worse, referring to her y6. I think the posts referring to it have developed as op said she wished she had a crystal ball, so they are just thinking forward Smile

grumpysquash · 12/10/2015 22:37

Schnitzel, I think you have a good point. But it's very difficult denying a 10 or 11 year old access when all the peer group has access and they are the only one left out. Especially as they spend ages each evening messaging and sharing pictures. Imagine how bad it would seem to be excluded....
Instagram is not too bad IMO as you can control who can see your account. It's a lot better than Facebook, which also is 13+
Even my 9 yo goes on YouTube (I had no idea until literally this minute that you had to be 18, or 13 with an adults permission Shock)

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