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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Offering a bed to distant relatives in law??

131 replies

tootsietoo · 12/10/2015 12:20

I don't think I'm being unreasonable and DH doesn't either, so there is no drama but I am curious as to how many might have done differently from me.

FIL has connections with some very distant New Zealand relatives. When I say distant, I mean that DH has no idea how they are related, he thinks it's via some family about 100 years ago who moved to NZ, so 3-4 generations back. It's the sort of thing FIL does, very nice too. DH has never met them. They are visiting the UK and are in our area this week and need a place to stay on Thursday night. DH is away overnight on Thurs, but asked me whether I would be willing to have them to stay. My instant reaction was no! I really really don't fancy it. I work from home, so making up the spare bed and getting a meal ready wouldn't be a big deal, but Thursday is swimming + Beavers night so I would be out with the children from 4pm-7.30pm. So they would either have to be in the house on their own or arrive late-ish and I wouldn't be available to "entertain them" until about 8. And I can't bear the idea of having strangers to stay and having to talk to them for the evening! DDs are aged 7 and 9 - I don't think it's ideal having strangers in the house with just me and the DDs. I don't think I'm being unreasonable, but the fact DH has asked has made me feel as if I should be more friendly!

I am curious as to whether any of you would say yes to this? Just off out for a few hours, so won't reply till I'm back!

OP posts:

Oysterbabe · 12/10/2015 12:22

I would have said yes but yanbu if you don't want them to stay.

AbeSaidYes · 12/10/2015 12:24

for me this would very much depend on the size of the house.

overthemill · 12/10/2015 12:24

I would probably say yes but because my sister was often the recipient if such kindnesses while travelling. And going on a big trip is expensive! But they must have planned for costs when they planned trip so it's fine to say no. Might it be possible for you to meet them next day for coffee so you can say hello? You might love them

Eastpoint · 12/10/2015 12:24

I'd say yes, it isn't a big imposition & it would be a kind think to do. Who knows, in the future one of your daughters might be traveling in NZ and need a bed for the night.

NotMyMonkey · 12/10/2015 12:25

Can't they stay with fil?

I have to say I don't think i would be very keen on the idea but I really don't enjoy visitors anyway.

HorseyCool · 12/10/2015 12:28

I probably would let them stay but try to get a lift for Beavers as until I met them I wouldn't be happy leaving them in the house.

I have a friend who did similar, a very distant relative from Aus and she ended up marrying him!

Original poster

tootsietoo · 12/10/2015 12:29

ok, a few yeses. I will think on. There is enough space. FIL lives 3 hours away.

OP posts:

Original poster

tootsietoo · 12/10/2015 12:30

Good story HorseyCool!

OP posts:

BarbarianMum · 12/10/2015 12:34

I would say yes. In fact I would, and have, put up people on far more slender relationships if they've travelled a long way. And, conversely, I've enjoyed a lot of wonderful hospitality both from distant relations, friends of relations and (occasionally) friends of friends of relations during my wanderings abroad.

expatinscotland · 12/10/2015 12:34

For one night I'd say yes.

dun1urkin · 12/10/2015 12:36

I'd say no. But then again I have been described as somewhat anti-social.

2rebecca · 12/10/2015 12:39

I would feel obliged to say yes but if they've never met you I'm surprised they wouldn't rather stay in a hotel as this is their holiday. I wouldn't fancy a holiday that involved being put up by strangers I was vaguely related to. I'd rather spend money on a b&b and have some privacy and not have to make small talk.

strawberryblondebint · 12/10/2015 12:40

I'm afraid I would say no too. I can think of nothing worse than strangers in the house. I am an introvert. Don't mind kids but other adults no thanks and husband feels the same

Pootles2010 · 12/10/2015 12:42

I'd say yes - always interesting to meet new people, especially if they're from a different part of the world. But as pp has said i'd prob try to arrange a lift for swimming & beavers.

coconutpie · 12/10/2015 12:48

Hell to the no. You don't know these people AT ALL. Just because they ate some long lost relation doesn't mean anything. They are still complete strangers. If they can afford to travel from NZ, then they can afford to pay a few quid for a B&B for one night.

maybebabybee · 12/10/2015 12:50

I would have said yes too but I was raised in a culture where family (any family - even if they are your second cousin's second cousins etc) stay with you if they're in your home town regardless of how well you know them.

When I was a kid we had random cousins come to stay with us for weeks on end...

Not that I'm saying this is ok, just that I would say yes because that's what I grew up with.

maybebabybee · 12/10/2015 12:51

Oh and also an introvert so goes right against my natural instinct too.

cleaty · 12/10/2015 12:52

I would say yes. It is only one night, and might be fun. But would be trying to get someone else to give a lift to swimming and Beavers. I would also cook something easy like pizza.

villainousbroodmare · 12/10/2015 12:55

I'm really surprised at the nos.
I'd skip the swimming and Beavers to give yourself a chance to cook and have an enjoyable evening.
It'll be too jammers otherwise, and awkward for your visitors.
I've sometimes felt hassled at the prospect of guests but have honestly never regretted hosting people, especially just for one night. Wouldn't the kids enjoy it?

SevenOfNineTrue · 12/10/2015 13:00

Personally I would not say yes. They can pay to stay in a hotel. Distantly related or not, they are effectively strangers you know nothing about.

WhereYouLeftIt · 12/10/2015 13:00

Have they stayed with FIL whilst on their travels? Presumably FIL asked your DH if they could stay? TBH, people who offer up other people's hospitality piss me off a bit.

These people are complete strangers. They're not even your family, they're DH's and even he doesn't know if how they are related to him. He won't be there, and you are busy running round after DC.

So I would say no. If DH had been there that night and wanted to meet them, that would have been different. But in your situation, I'm not even sure that these people would want to come visit. In their shoes, I wouldn't.

And just as an aside, since DH knew he would n't be there, why did he even ask you ?

ExitPursuedByABear · 12/10/2015 13:02

I would say yes.

I love hosting people.

villainousbroodmare · 12/10/2015 13:04

If you don't want them, though, don't have them.
Nothing would be worse than being grudgingly accommodated and realising that you are not welcome and just a big nuisance.

EldonAve · 12/10/2015 13:04

I would say yes but that's cos it's the sort of thing our family does
We have stayed with distant relatives and hosted
Has your FIL met them before?

cleaty · 12/10/2015 13:04

I doubt this is just about saving money. I have stayed with some of DPs family abroad who I had never met, and it is way easier to just stay in a cheap B&B. But it is about meeting family, even if distantly related, and having a fun evening socialising.

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