To be offended by BIL?

[Ephelant]

I'm planning to have my ds christened in a month or so and decided it would be a nice gesture to ask BIL, DP's brother to be a godparent. He has tended to be a bit distant and didn't actually acknowledge ds's birthday recently but he's really the only possible candidate from DP's side and I felt it might seem like a slight not to ask, plus was living in foolish hope it might bring us all a bit closer, make him feel he has a role and generally generate some positive feeling.
BIL did not reply to my message. DP then texted a day or so later to check he'd got my message and he said he was thinking about it and would call the following night. Nothing.
Three days after that I texted to check, he said sorry, still thinking and would call the following night. This is now three days ago. I made it clear it wasn't a problem at all if he wasn't comfortable with the idea, I just can't understand why the man doesn't have the courtesy to get back to me! Even if he doesn't want to do it being asked deserves some sort of acknowledgement doesn't it? It's meant to be something special and his reaction has gone beyond slightly distant uncle into plain rude. I feel offended for myself and ds tbh .

YANBU. I would be inclined to send him another text telling him you are rescinding it.

Maybe he was offended that his brother didn't deem it necessary to phone him and ask and instead his sister in law messaged him?

it seems a bit of an odd way of asking someone to do an 'honoured' job

I agree with BYO. If it was that important why didn't your DH call him at the very least? Bit of an impersonal way to ask an 'honoured' question (IYSWIM). Maybe he is a bit miffed and not sure how to reply.

Do not let this man be your child's godfather. A godfather should be honoured and excited to be asked for the privilege of this role. He didn't acknowledge your son's birthday. He doesn't reply to texts. He cannot be relied upon. I'd be offended too but you can't force closeness that he clearly has no interest in forming. My bil showed as little interest when we got married which is why he was an usher instead of best man. It's sad but people are who they are.

Are you a member of a church congregation? Is he? If no then i can understand the reluctance.

Is there any chance he has something major going on

He might be checking with travel plans to see if he can afford to travel and/or take time off work. I tell people I'm thinking on something when I'm waiting on an answer from the "powers that be" to see if something is practically feasible on my end.

Or he could just be stringing you along.

Hard to call when all we have is just a paragraph to go on without knowing him or if he has form for this sort of inconsiderate behavior.

Is he actually a practising Christian?

or maybe he is just giving the question the serious consideration it deserves.

You (and DP) sent a text to his DB asking him to be Godfather and you are offended? I'm stunned.

I've got nothing helpful to contribute but I hope you don't mind me place marking - we're likely to have an almost identical situation next weekend

YABU
Hopefully he's thinking it over carefully
I wish I had done the same, I said yes immediately and regretted it later.

What Sighing said. We turned down SIL as we aren't religious and didn't feel comfortable being god parents. Maybe BIL feels the same?

I think that you are BU. If you have said that it's fine for him to say no and he says that he is thinking about it, then I assume that he is....err.... thinking about it!! :) Perhaps he is of the school of thought that the role of being a Godparent is a serious one and wants to weigh up his commitment.

Also, I am another one who thinks you should have called and asked. Text is so blurghh.

It is a serious role so I think needing a few weeks to think about it is normal

He's not keen.

Was your first message asking him a text message? Because I think that's a bit off? Impersonal? For such a question/role etc. Perhaps as a previous poster suggested, he's a bit pissed off the request didn't come from his brother, via a phone call or face to face.

And lastly, I think a week is fine also.

Is your BIL a practising Christian? If not, why exactly did you ask him to be a godparent?

If you aren't serious about the role, why should he be?

You TEXTED your dh's brother to ask him to be your ds's god parent?!

If my sil texted me to ask me this rather than my own brother ringing me, I'd be pretty pissed off to be honest.

Pretty rude of your bil, but he's probably thinking the same of you and your dh.

DP didn't want to call for some reason and I don't know him well myself, probably should have called but felt texting would be less pressurising. I tried to word it as nicely and warmly as possible.
If he's thinking it through then why ignore my original text altogether? Why say, twice, that he's going to call and then not? He didn't say he had questions or what he was considering, didn't say thank you for asking me.
The text was a preliminary to talking, it wasn't meant to be impersonal and I personally don't think it came across that way under the circumstances.

Wolpertinger I haven't said anything about who is and isn't a practising Christian in this scenario so maybe don't make assumptions wrt whether I take it seriously. Thanks.

even the text should have come from his brother

the fact that your dp didn't want to ask him speaks volumes about their relationship and probably explains bil's reaction

Get DH to call him.

I just feel the ball is in his court. He's said twice he would call. It's just so unfriendly

Why would you want some distant relation to be a godparent? Surely it's a role for those who are important to you. The very fact that his SIL texted him, rather than his brother phoning him, speaks volumes.