To be offended by BIL?

[Ephelant]

I'm planning to have my ds christened in a month or so and decided it would be a nice gesture to ask BIL, DP's brother to be a godparent. He has tended to be a bit distant and didn't actually acknowledge ds's birthday recently but he's really the only possible candidate from DP's side and I felt it might seem like a slight not to ask, plus was living in foolish hope it might bring us all a bit closer, make him feel he has a role and generally generate some positive feeling.
BIL did not reply to my message. DP then texted a day or so later to check he'd got my message and he said he was thinking about it and would call the following night. Nothing.
Three days after that I texted to check, he said sorry, still thinking and would call the following night. This is now three days ago. I made it clear it wasn't a problem at all if he wasn't comfortable with the idea, I just can't understand why the man doesn't have the courtesy to get back to me! Even if he doesn't want to do it being asked deserves some sort of acknowledgement doesn't it? It's meant to be something special and his reaction has gone beyond slightly distant uncle into plain rude. I feel offended for myself and ds tbh .

But nooka the issue is not ow we the readers think a text sounds it is how the OP's BIl thinks it would sound, and it doesn't seem the sending of a message by text is a big deal. Maybe he never checks email or maybe he doesn't like email. I think the idea of giving a message in a way as a warning, rather than a conversation is a good idea.

I think that if you feel the recipient of your request needs a warning then they aren't the right person to ask! At the very least I think that you need to initiate the follow up phone call/get together otherwise you are still putting that person on the spot, just making them take the initiative which could be quite awkward. I would hate to be put in that position personally and would quite likely respond by procrastinating.

Of course we don't know how the OP asked, and it may be that her text message was lovely and sensitive with just a tentative suggestion. Although I must admit I missed the bit that said the christening was in just a month so there was some time pressure.

To me it's not the initial text that's necessarily the issue, more all the follow up ones. Sounds like communication between them all just isn't good at all.

Anyway OP I hope that it's all OK and that you find another more committed godparent for your son and have a lovely ceremony and celebration.

I don't get the obsession with phoning people on MN.

Phone calls bug the shit out of me! A text is much more convenient and I'd never be offended that someone had text me

Horses for courses.

Matchstick, I don't get it either. Every other poster has had to say something about me sending a text message and it's just distracting from the whole point of what I was saying. The text aspect was never the problem, I have at no point had any reason to think he found that offensive or offhand and I'm not an insensitive person, if anything I overthink things, and I am confident this was not the issue.
Others have said it should have been DP doing the asking, this I can understand more but still not in terms of it being offensive.
If I've taken anything from this it's that I shouldn't have worried about what anyone else thought about who I was asking. I was thinking about it seeming hurtful if I didn't ask, especially as ds may end up without a godfather at all now. I was also a bit silly to think someone who is nice but not that interested in ds would be a good candidate just because I want us to be a big happy family and just because if the shoe was on the other foot, I would be really happy to be asked. Everyone's different and I think sometimes I try too hard to make reality match up to my hopes. DP's family are just a non touchy feely bunch.

Nooka it's not in a month actually I wrote that by mistake, it's more like two months. And I definitely would say the message was sensitive etc

Waltermitty that's how I feel, even if I can see it's a friend calling I often don't want to answer . I'd rather have a nice friendly message I can read, think about and respond to in my own time. My texts are quite often mini letters really.

Ah well, it's always a bit unwise to assume that someone else will feel the same way you do. For what it's worth I have a very close relationship with my family whereas dh hardly speaks to his. I find that really quite difficult, but we are two very different people and the dynamics are very different. I quite like my ILs but leave his relationship with his relatives to dh. It's much easier that way!

"I don't get the obsession with phoning people on MN. "

It's probably a generational thing. Those of us who predate mobile phones still use the telephone to have conversations. I even use the landline!

Texting bugs the shit out of me. I hate faffing around with a tiny keyboard. I would rather talk to someone if it is anything more complicated than making an arrangement to meet someone. And for something as important as asking someone to be a godparent I would talk the person in question face to face, which is what we did.

I was asked to be a godmother to an ex-friend's child, she wasn't religious and neither am I - I struggled with whether or not to accept as I respect Christianity and didn't want to be half-heartedly saying those things in church. After some soul searching I accepted, reasoning that I could be more of a spiritual guide.

She told me on the morning of the christening that she'd decided to make another friend of hers godmother instead. One of many reasons she's an ex-friend.