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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Dp is a twat

152 replies

Fuckingfuming82 · 11/10/2015 16:42

I've name changed because I'm so embarrassed.

One of dp and my friends came too see me today, she came to tell me that while dp was out with a bunch of our friends he took it upon himself to discuss our sex life.

He told them what gets me off and the things we get up to. The sounds I make and other really personal things that I wouldn't want anyone else knowing. Every intimate detail.

My friend said that she told him to stop it but the males of the group were egging him on to tell more. So he did.

Now I personally think that what goes on between us should stay between us. I feel humiliated and really upset. It's a total breach of trust IMO.

Aibu if I bin bag all his belongings and chuck the twat out?

OP posts:

Seeyounearertime · 12/10/2015 12:24

Go tell his mates he likes "being the girl" ask them if they've ever tried "Pegging" cause your OH loves it.
Don't forget to let them know he has a man crush on Justin Bieber and sings his songs in the shower. Etc.

Most guys would hate having manliness or sexuality brought into question, they'd fear that more than sexcapades being shared.

reni2 · 12/10/2015 12:33

I'm not suggesting the "revenge chats" to get even, but the OP's dp doesn't see what he did wrong or doesn't admit that he does see it. He is "sulking" when he should be tearing his hair out and trying to come up with solutions. A short sharp taste of his own medicine (or better still just the suggestion of one) might get him into the right mindset.

Thenyou can talk about no more drinking, dropping those friends, telling the friend's partners what they did, trying to rebuild trust. Or just chuck him out as you suggested. He can sulk in the pub talking about past glories to his friends.

BestZebbie · 12/10/2015 12:57

While you think of other things to do, I'd suggest a period of simply pointing and laughing whenever he suggests having sex with you, given that you two having sex is just so funny.

OnlyLovers · 12/10/2015 13:45

I like Best's suggestion.

AliceDoesntLiveHereAnymore · 12/10/2015 14:15

I wouldn't insist that he stop drinking, either. I'd be looking for him to suggest that he thinks he needs to stop drinking.

This is true. Until he realises the gravity of what he's done and admitted he is in the wrong, nothing the OP asks him to do is going to mean anything. Until he admits he was wrong and is actually sorry (and I don't mean saying it and sulking), then it's pointless.

And HE should be coming up with ways to fix this or earn back trust.

But until he realises he was incredibly wrong here, he's pretty much a lost cause.

ShebaShimmyShake · 12/10/2015 14:34

Has he apologised, OP? Properly?

Original poster

Fuckingfuming82 · 12/10/2015 14:51

Sorry I haven't replied. I'm in work.

Yes he has apologised and he said he will speak to his friends about the sniggering.

It's going to take a hell of a lot for me to forgive him.

OP posts:

Original poster

Fuckingfuming82 · 12/10/2015 14:57

best that's exactly what I'll be doing.

OP posts:

OurBlanche · 12/10/2015 14:59

He'll speak to them about the sniggering?

Not good enough! He should be offering to explain to all of them, loudly and repeatedly, what a shite awful partner he was for having that discussion in the first place and to tell them that the shame is his, and he will be angry with them if they ever, ever embarrass you because of his utter twattishness.

And even then he will need to do more...

OnlyLovers · 12/10/2015 15:01

Yes, it's not really their fault for sniggering but his fault for opening his stupid mouth.

SoDiana · 12/10/2015 15:22

Well he'll be shitting himself again soon lol. Fucking parading his delusion of sexual prowess lol. Little bollocks

ShebaShimmyShake · 12/10/2015 15:30

A sincere apology? And rather than scolding them for laughing at his heee-larious joke, he should be saying, "Guys, all of us were complete dicks but especially me. I've apologised to my wife for being a huge dick and I want you all to as well. I cant see you again until you do because I was a huge dick. And if anyone mentions it again, I won't be able to see you again because that would make me a huge dick all over again. And I've really hurt and embarrassed my wife so the least I can do is to stop being a huge dick."

SoDiana · 12/10/2015 15:35

I can be quite cruel when scorned. Hell hath no fury ....
Id tell him that research suggests that male obsession with female 'ejaculation' is an indicator of a secret desire to have a male ejaculate on him.
But I am evil lol.

OurBlanche · 12/10/2015 15:37

Sheba!!!

So OP gets to be a bitch who won't let him play put as well? Get a grip... he owns the problem is his and his alone.

SoDiana · 12/10/2015 15:37

Sheba. That sounds good except I would replace huge dick with little prick.

EllyHigginbottom · 12/10/2015 15:51

Well, to be fair these lads who were egging him on were no friends at all. A real friend and gentleman would have said: "Go home and go to bed."

ShebaShimmyShake · 12/10/2015 15:57

OurBlanche, sorry but I don't follow your point, could you rephrase?

I think rather than scolding his friends as if they weren't following his lead as the biggest dick in the room, he should own his part in it and let them know that if they don't now follow his lead in trying to do as decent a thing as possible, he won't be seeing them again. Not because OP is a harpy who won't let him but because he is doing it of his own accord in order to acknowledge, own and atone for having been a huge dick. If he plays it as his silly wife hen pecking him, well, that tells us how sorry he isn't and how little he appreciates what an enormous betrayal and hurt he has caused her.

OurBlanche · 12/10/2015 16:59

Sheba, it's the way you worded it, in the original. It did read as though he says he isn't allowed out until he/they apologise. Who isn't allowing him to play out? Who is demanding an apology?

It really woud have made OP look like a harridan!

ShebaShimmyShake · 12/10/2015 17:07

It would only make her look like a harridan if he presents it that way. And if he does, we know the shitwad isn't sorry.

MiscellaneousAssortment · 12/10/2015 17:27

Naughty Sheba with the humumgous size mistake :)

Sorry OP, I know it's not actually funny and it's a horrible situation gallows humour.

ShebaShimmyShake · 12/10/2015 17:27

That's why the emphasis was on the fact he's doing it because he was a huge dick, not because his wife is a harridan.

MiscellaneousAssortment · 12/10/2015 17:40

Yes I got what you meant Sheba of the huge dick

I think it could be twisted into an 'op as gaoler' scenario but I can see that wasn't the intent, and it's not like the OP would be using the post verbatim...

eddielizzard · 12/10/2015 17:47

jeez this would kill any desire i had for him.

ShebaShimmyShake · 12/10/2015 17:49

The irony is, of course, that no decent person would think any less of the OP for hearing about this...they would just be appalled at the huge dick of a husband. He should be the one too embarrassed to show his stupid pointy head in public now, not her. She's done nothing wrong and he has shown himself to be an absolute raging arsewipe. But it would seem that he doesn't keep the kind of company that thinks there's anything wrong in such a horrendous betrayal of trust, love and intimacy.

I know I keep saying it, but I would honestly forgive an affair quicker than this. I realise there are all sorts of situations, but generally speaking, affairs aren't born of a desire to impress a load of overgrown frat boy pissbabies for a few minutes by humiliating your partner forever by making her sexuality into a shameful cheap joke.

Can't believe how angry this story has made me, actually. Maybe because I enjoy kink and trust is such a huge foundation of that, I feel sick to my stomach to imagine it being betrayed.

Pidapie · 12/10/2015 18:15

What a knoblet. I really hope you and your partner manage to work past this, and he will understand why he was way way out of order. x

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