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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To contact the school bully

65 replies

CookieDoughKid · 10/10/2015 21:01

Who bullied me mercilessly throughout my secondary school years and on the last day, beat me with a dumbell on the back of my head and I was knocked unconscious? I found her on Facebook. I want to thank her for making me the strong woman that I am today and that I have never ever forgotten her name. And did she remember her doing this to me as I now PITY the child that she was.

OP posts:
Fatmomma99 · 10/10/2015 21:04

Why poke a wasps nest?

If you're doing brilliantly, just keep on being brilliant and screw her.

Original poster
CookieDoughKid · 10/10/2015 21:04

And yes, the school knew all about the bullies but did nothing about it. State school that got closed down in the 90s. The school was in South East London. It was a terrible experience for any bright child like me. Only two kids left this school with 5 GCSEs. Sink state school that should have had its pupils locked up. Yes. Police was at our school often, it really disrupted our so called ''lessons''. Teachers were so afraid after chairs being thrown at them. Sorry, clearly I still have issues.

OP posts:
MissFitt68 · 10/10/2015 21:05

I'd say I 'vaguely remembered her name'

Electrolux2 · 10/10/2015 21:06

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
CookieDoughKid · 10/10/2015 21:07

Please tell me that state schools are no longer like that today and that bullies are being taken seriously. As I have irrational fears for my dc.

OP posts:
BitOutOfPractice · 10/10/2015 21:09

Oh you poor thing. I've welled up for you. It sounds vile. I admire you so much for coming through that. Thanks

Should you contact her? I don't know. Do you think it will make you feel better? I just worry that, if you don't get the response you want, you'll end up feeling worse. Because chances are she either doesn't remember or care

AgentZigzag · 10/10/2015 21:09

' beat me with a dumbell on the back of my head and I was knocked unconscious'

Bloody hell that's extreme! Thanks

IMO definitely don't contact her, she might react well and you can have a measure of 'closure' on what must have been a shit time for you, but could you handle it if she turned out to be still a nightmare?

Not that I think she would do anything now, but there's a risk that it could make you feel worse, like if she couldn't remember you (or pretended she couldn't).

It's good that you can feel for the child that she was but try and leave her and you where you should be in the past.

nothing to stop you fantasising how the adult you would deal with her though Wink

BitOutOfPractice · 10/10/2015 21:10

And op at the state school my kids go to, bullying is very much NOT tolerated.

Original poster
CookieDoughKid · 10/10/2015 21:10

I did stalk her for a while in my twenties but her life didn't amount to anything remotely interesting and I lost interest. So I left it. And now I have dc's it sort of has brought it back.

OP posts:
londonrach · 10/10/2015 21:11

I wouldnt. Leave sleeping dogs alone. You are amazing strong woman who will let the past go. If you have to do anything write everything you want to say to her down then set fire to the paper. We had a bully at our school who contacted me via fb asking to be a friend. After a 2 min quick look at her profile i realised she wasnt worth my time and declined her friendship request and blocked her. Cant tell you how that felt! Well done op for becoming the strong woman you are x

AgentZigzag · 10/10/2015 21:11

'Please tell me that state schools are no longer like that today and that bullies are being taken seriously.'

I don't have huge experience of it but I think generally it's much , much better now.

And your fears aren't fucking irrational! Not with what you had to go through.

Floppy5885 · 10/10/2015 21:12

How long ago was it?

Id be more temped to say that I really pitty her as she must be really fucked up to have bullied you to such a serious extent. Bulling you though out secondary school and knocking you unconscious with dumbells was a really disturbed abnormal thing to do.

Francoitalialan · 10/10/2015 21:13

Don't do it. Imagine how crushed you'd feel if she says she can't even remember and that what you experienced was irrelevant to her. Living well is the best revenge.

Original poster
CookieDoughKid · 10/10/2015 21:13

I think it helps me to write this here. Thank you.

OP posts:
PirateSmile · 10/10/2015 21:15

Lets not give the bully headspace.
Tell us about the fantastic things you've done in your life CookieDoughKid

FeelingSmurfy · 10/10/2015 21:20

I went through this in school and I would never get back in touch, I may be strong now but opening up an old wound could cause a lot more pain than you imagine

Drmum83 · 10/10/2015 21:25

If you're fairly confident her life is now shit this might be controversial, (and the bitch in me screams -'do it' ), but could you send a message along lines of 'Hi, how are you? Just wanted to update you. Do you remember how you made my life a misery by doing xxx? Well thank you. I now have x (amazing job), X (lovely partner and children) and holiday in X/drive X etc
I'm content with life and if it wasn't for you being such a cunt to me and nurturing my inner strength, I doubt I would have achieved my amazing life. Looking at your pathetic profile, I see your life is shit and you've achieved very little. Karma's a bitch ain't it? (You could insert personal insult depending on what you know (is she ugly? Big nose? etc)

Alternatively you could forget her and carry on with life and ignore me but having been a victim of bullying myself, I really feel for fellow victims!
This week the school bully updated her Facebook status (saw via friend of friend) complaining that her 12 year old kid was being bullied and it was 'disgusting' etc. Had to sit on my hands to stop myself writing 'the irony' underneath.

CatMilkMan · 10/10/2015 21:30

IGNOREIGNOREIGNOREIGNORE Don't do it, forget about her vent here and completely forget about whatever happened.

TheWitTank · 10/10/2015 21:31

I would write a letter venting and letting it all out and then chuck it away or keep it in a drawer and move on. You have a great life now, don't bother involving someone who made your life a misery. I doubt you will get the answer you are looking for with your message. You have won, it's all in the past. Block her and move on.

Themodernuriahheep · 10/10/2015 21:33

DrMum, your last para resonates.

The bitchiest bar none girl in my year recently wrote that she was miserable at our school because she was bullied so badly. It was she who made our lives a living hell.

70sDinnerPartyClassic · 10/10/2015 21:36

Thing is she might still be a right cow and if you message her and she is not remotely contrite then you're just going to feel even worse.

Your school days sound hellish and I know there is a thing about confronting stuff but sometimes that just opens it all up surely.

I would block on facebook so you don't have to see her and talk on MN or even see if there's someone to talk to IRL, your school days sound hellish and it might help put some of it to rest.

RabbitSaysWoof · 10/10/2015 21:36

I don't think you should do it.
I don't think you should let her know that you are looking backwards like this, it undermines all the "my life's great thanks" message to have deliberately looked her up.
I think you should talk through the experience, because it's not put to bed for you to feel like this, just not with her talk to someone else.
I was bullied in school, not physically but still it effected me a lot, in my 20's I saw a lot of my old bullies in a pub I was working in, I felt better, I looked better (I was pretty hot then actually!!) and to look through them and treat them like I didn't even recognise them was quite empowering iykwim, I wasn't even hostile about it just acted as if they were no one I've evr met.

Muskey · 10/10/2015 21:37

Don't do it. Recently I found out that a dc who had made my dd life a misery in school was actually asking another dc if my dd had left the school because of her. She was actually pleased by the thought that she had been so vile to my dc that she had almost destroyed her. This kind of person never has regrets about their behaviour. Please don't give her any more power over you than she had.

70sDinnerPartyClassic · 10/10/2015 21:37

God I keep repeating myself sorry. Must proof read better.

TwoLeftSocks · 10/10/2015 21:42

Personally I would wait till everyone else is out then shout 'fuck you' really loudly at the computer, and then block her. She doesn't deserve another minute of your life.

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