To stop DDs dance lessons

[Thisishalloweenfifteen]

DD has done a bit of baby ballet and she loves everything about it. Loves the costumes, the other girls, the music and her passion for dance can't be matched.

Unfortunately, even to my doting eyes I can see she's got no talent at all. Fundamentally, she's just the wrong shape - slightly protruding tummy, short legs and long body, no natural sense of rhythm.

I'm concerned that getting older will lead to mocking and that it means she isn't doing something she actually could shine at (can only really afford two extra curricular things at present) - or should I just let her do it as she loves it?

Thoughts? :)

It's amazing how far they can get through passion and hard work. Let her enjoy it. She will end up with stronger muscles, more graceful and in control of her body, and more receptive to music than she would be if she gave up.

Maybe consider her trying gym too.

Gosh she's 4. If she loves it let her continue. She's not going to get " knocked back" by exams / not being picked for star roles etc for ages yet- unless you let her..... Someone's else might be the chief star in the little Christmas ballet let for parents or what ever, but she won't notice, she'll be her own sparkle in the night sky or what ever.

Fwiw my eldest looked like a pink hippo at 4 but utterly loved it. I recently met the lady who played the piano for the classes ( and still does, though seemed ancient 18yrs ago!). She remembered her as the little one with the most lovely feet for ballet ??.

Dd ( and DS and DD2 ) all danced for a bit then it just naturally was replaced by something else before it got all competitive. ( though DS did some musical theatre as a small boy through it , and loved it! )

Dancing isn't only about body shape, but fluidity of movement

Draylon, did you even read the op? The child ADORES ballet. Her passion for it can not be matched, in the OP's own words.

The sole reasons given for the op pulling her dd, who LOVES EVERYTHING about the activity, are the child's body shape and lack of notional grace. And the possibility that someone might mock her for those things in the future.

If the kid was ambivalent, or didn't much like it, or was crying in the corner, it would be a whole different story. But this is about a woman considering denying her dd something that she is passionate about because she thinks she is the wrong body shape and might be a bit crap at it, and people might laugh later. Not even that the dd might become disenchanted later, but by what other people might say, even if the dd still loved it.

The kid adores it and is having fun. If you know you wouldn't have enjoyed ballet, good for you. This kid loves it. Adores it. Is passionate about every last bit of it. But she has short legs and the op's dad has done a real number on her own esteem for that exact reason.

I'm the last person to suggest that kids should be made to continue activities they hate. But I'll fight to the death for the right of any kid to do an activity they love, even if they don't meet some crappy social stereotype that exists in the ether, but not reality.

Welsh, nothing wrong with deciding that it wasn't the right environment for dd with cp. we always visit a number of schools and select one with the right ethos for dd2, hence her still dancing with cp at 12 in a regular class. She will tell us when she is ready to quit. Although she has also joined debate club (complete with dysarthria caused by her brain damage) so thankfully she is making decisions based on what she wants to do, rather than potential opinions of other people. I was secretly petrified the first time she was in a tournament. Would the judges understand her speech? Would the audience? Would they be rude? She came out with a gold medal lol. Hope your dd is finding her niche too.

2 years ago DS was "borrowed" fir a few hours and same home with a part in Scrooge with Tommy Steele. DS is more interested in singing and acting than dancing, and is about to take a break after 2 years of lessons (he's 11)

Soon after he started, DD1 (now 8.5) and DD2 (5 thus week) also started lessons.

DD2 is incredibly sporty and excels at every physical activity she turns herself too, DD2 is a different shape to DD1, she is a bit stockier, but is in no way fat. DD2 has so much character. She will shortly have her first professional show, should be the final week of a UK tour, but could be pantomime, fir a 6 week run. She is really too young for panto, but, is capable of the required steps and would steal the show. She is very beautiful, and will love bring in front of any audience.

If she enjoys it, let her carry on.

dd1 did ballet until she was 8 She would do it still but the place moved and logistics became hard. She was useless, and they had to do an exam to move up a class, (but no-one every stayed down a class!)

2 left feet and stuck her bum out, she was also the tallest of her age.

No-one cared least of all her. She just enjoyed it. I thought actually, given that she has 2 left feet, ballet was good for her, helped with co-ordination etc.

Now she does football. can't do that for toffee either, lots of enthusiasm, no skill, but that is OK, after all she is 10 now and it is still about participation.

I would let her carry on, my dd1 started a martial art at just turned 6, she was away with the fairies, fell over frequently, and rarely remembered any moves, almost 5 years later she's still at it, doing amazingly well and is actually only 2 grades away from black belt, something I'd never have imagined when she was 6, as long as she's happy is let her stick with it.

If a dance school were nasty, I wouldn't send my child there even if she was outstandingly gifted, actually.

As for having the right body for ballet, surely that only matters if they are planning to make a career of it and I seriously doubt that the OP's father was that expert in judging how a ballet dancer's body should be, besides the fact that so very few children even think of making a career out of ballet

DD is 16. Some of the girls in her dance classes have classic ballet build. Others don't. They are all fit and healthy and having a wonderful time dancing.

forbade me from dance classes because he said I was the wrong shape

I believe you when you say that you don't think this has given you body image issues (and I'm really pleased) but the exact same thing happened to me and not dancing is one thing I really regret. I also felt like an elephant for my whole childhood, though looking at photos now I can see I was tiny so no idea where any of it came from.

If the dance school is positive and inclusive and your daughter keeps on enjoying it then I think that's all that matters.

I thought all four year olds had protruding tummies. My very skinny (by the growth charts, we WISH she would eat more and gain some weight) 3 yo DD has a protruding tummy.

Find a new ballet school if this one is giving you worries about body shape! Like many pps have said most ballet schools are not worried about the shape of the dancers, if this one is making you anxious then find a new school!

Speaking as someone who has moved dd quite a lot between ballet schools to find the right fit. She dances for the love of dance. There are girls of all shapes and sizes and talents at her school and they ALL get to go on stage for the annual performance.

YABVVU

Dance-trained person here. I still do regular ballet class (several per week) in middle age. And I'm not the oldest person in class by a long chalk.

You can't tell whether a girl will have a "dancer's body" till mid-teens. And anyway, you're invested in a false and damaging stereotype. Dancers come in all shapes & sizes, and learning ballet can be a joyful celebration of tbe body's amazing abilities to move strongly and beautifully.

How is teaching your child that you shouldn't do something you love, because you aren't the right shape a good thing. How is teaching your child not to do what they love doing incase someone, somewhere down the line makes fun of you, a good thing?

Fwiw dd was was never the most graceful in her class, in fact she looks more graceful executing a hammer kick when competing at kick boxing, than she did at ballet. She adores kick boxing, so do I. If she was rubbish at it but still loved it, I would still encourage her to do it. Our dojo has kids of all abilities and views on the sport. Some come for exercise or to meet new friends, some for self defence, some for fun, some to get their belts, some for something to do, some take it seriously and compete. Even in the ones that compete some are not amazing and don't often win. At no point would our Sensei make a comment that put them down. All the kids and adults are respected for turning up. They are worked with to improve and that's it.

If your child is taking lesson where the teacher puts them down or allows other kids to make fun of them, then it's the wrong class for them and I would give that person my money.

But the OP is considering stopping her child from doing something she loves, incase some one says something bad down the line. Which is extremely sad imo.

Dance teacher here. Although it's exciting as a teacher to meet a child who is naturally gifted at dancing, my favourite pupils are always the ones that have huge enthusiasm, despite their ability level, and who practice, practice, practice. It gives me great joy to see them moving to music with a huge smile on their faces.

Therefore, YAB massively U and should let her continue for as long as she loves it.

Yabvvu and I don't envy your dd the messages you seem likely to give her. Obv what your dad said has had an effect on you , as otherwise in what world would you stop a 4 year old doing something they love, for the reasons you stated.

Look at sports teams, there's plenty b and c teams. Why do you think those players continue - clearly they're the average players. They do so because of what they get out of it, playing sport they love, developing skills, enjoying ten work, making friends , gaining experiences, competing etc. Are you going to seriously deny your dd the chance to do something she loves because she might not be on the (ballet equivalent) A team?

And maybe you should consider whether its something about your possible embarrassment that your dd is not 'as good ' as the others that's making you want to stop her. Maybe its not which is great but I have seen parents who pull kids out of activities because they're uncomfortable with other parents seeing their child as being not very good at activity...

Dd did dance from 4 tilll 8/9 she never competed never did levels or exams she probably wasnt gifted but she enjoyed going and had fun i think your op is quite sad you are critizising your little girl for not being perfect thats a shame she is only little if you think in a few years tge classes are to competative and all about the exams and she isnt progressing and feeling it then move her but dont sit and cringe at her round tummy and little legs embrace them see the enjoyment she is getting it doesnt matter.

Another thought: my DD is 14 and she goes to athletics training every week and competes in summer and winter comps when she can.

She is never going to win. She comes last or next to last in lots of her races. She knows this, we all know it. But she still likes to do it and I love that she does something athletic which gives her a new group of friends to chat to as well.

She really really can't throw; but last summer the team needed a hammer thrower in her age group, so she stepped up. I was so proud of her getting points for the team. And on competition day she was far from the worst :)

Nobody mocks her. Why would they? cos they are better runners? people are nicer than that OP. At least the people we know are.

What a boring place the world would be if we only ever did what we were good at. It's teaching her not to try at things she finds more difficult or isn't naturally geared towards and she will have a LIFETIME of people doing that to her. It's also sad that you're judging this not on her internal enjoyment and evaluation of it, but on how others might externally judge it (including yourself). YABU. Let her have her joy. Childhood is short. Don't take something she loves from her because she doesn't reach some version of perfection you have in your head.

Continue with it. It will teach her grace and a sense of rhythm, strengthen her muscles and above all give her exercise that she enjoys.
I would have all children taught ballet exercises to aid their future development.

Oh OP, no. Don't be my mum. I did ballet from 4 to 13. Was I talented? Nope. Not remotely. Did I have a 'dancer's body'? Quite clearly not, in her opinion, given her pointing out of my big bum, big thighs, bigger-than-average boobs as soon as I started puberty, turned in knees, etc. Did I enjoy it? Yes, I did. I might not have been Fonteyn but I passed the exams and had fun in the performances.

My mum never tires of telling me how it is important to be an unconditionally supportive and positive parent. Nor does she tire of pointing out my endless flaws. Odd woman!

Continue you never know where it will lead. My DD did ballet for three years despite body shape nit being ideally and slightly mechanical movement. Then she moved on to tap which she is actually very good at, jazz, modern and hip hop. These are combined with singing in musical theatre which requires all body types.

I know what you mean OP, but if she really loves it just grin and bear it.

My DS was hopeless at mini-football, he was clumsy at running and had no ball-skill (dyspraxic), he played for 2 years and it was hard to watch at times. When he was 5 we watched him play a match where he got kicked and tackled by his own team mates and then managed to score an own goal. We all were sympathetic, and said the important thing was he TRIED, and that he did his best.

Well, he disagreed. He was 5. he said: "I know you have to say that because you are my mum, but I am just really rubbish at football." It was a little heartbreak moment.

But he got over it (as kids do) and started doing Judo instead, and also rugby when he was older.

He was such a funny, un-coordinated little boy, he is very athletic now (at 10). The round belly is gone too (sob).

Don't give up on your girl, and maybe in a year or 2 she will want to try something else (if I and a girl, I'd suggest martial arts). But let her continue a bit more for now if she loves it.