To stop DDs dance lessons

[Thisishalloweenfifteen]

DD has done a bit of baby ballet and she loves everything about it. Loves the costumes, the other girls, the music and her passion for dance can't be matched.

Unfortunately, even to my doting eyes I can see she's got no talent at all. Fundamentally, she's just the wrong shape - slightly protruding tummy, short legs and long body, no natural sense of rhythm.

I'm concerned that getting older will lead to mocking and that it means she isn't doing something she actually could shine at (can only really afford two extra curricular things at present) - or should I just let her do it as she loves it?

Thoughts? :)

Draylon, she said he forbade it. Not discouraged or asked her - forbade it. Because he didn't think she had the body for it.

That is horrendous.

"Mummy, can I go dance?"
"No, sweetheart, the boys don't think you're pretty enough."

Give me a break.

Agree with others OP and how sad that you never got to enjoy dance as you were "the wrong shape". DD's annual ballet show was last week, and featured dancers of all shapes, including those who are older teenagers.

I'm guessing they do it because they enjoy it. Like your DD. Nobody was laughing or pointing (and in fact they were fantastic). Very very few of them will be dancers for a living.

And you say you might be depriving DD of doing an activity she could shine at - seriously, extra-curricular activities for kids are not about them becoming a footballer, an athlete, a musician, a gymnast, an actor, a cricketer, a swimmer. All of these are things my DC have done and enjoyed, and while DD wants to go on stage and DS2 cherishes dreams of football stardom, we all know it's not ever so likely. They are good, but even with my mum goggles on I can see they are not that good

Please let your 4yo DD do something she has a passion for. How wonderful that is.

Ballet is something that is so incredibly healthy for kids to do (until they go on pointe!) so far from stopping her I would encourage her to the hilt. She's not auditioning for Sadler's Wells here.

One of my kids in technically speaking untalented at something but really liked it, so I made sure they did it loads and had full support, and it was really surprising how much progress they made. Nobody ever laughed or anything.

She loves everything about it.

She has a passion for dance.

Your words.

Leave her be OP and stop projecting. If it's a serious dance school that won't let her dance for fun, find one that does. They do exist.

I was the fat girl at dance school (not that anyone cared or commented) and I started when I was 3, 34 years ago. I'm still dancing and nothing gives me more pleasure. I've danced with people all shapes and sizes, all levels and all ages, unless you are headed for the Royal Ballet no one gives monkeys.

The only day she should stop is when she tells you she wants to. Until then stop critiquing her body and let her dance.

You are worried that your precious child might be mocked or face disappointment down the track, and you, as her mother, want to protect from that. That is completely understandable, to me.

Not to me. This is stopping her from doing something g she loves to prevent other people from judging her. By making this judgement before anyone else has the chance and stopping her from doing something she loves. Not a horrible stranger, but her own mother is doing this. Much more hurtful. If your mother doesn't think you're great, who will?

Unfortunately even for young children such classes and teams like football can be insanely competitive. Locally at least it happens a lot, e.g. little boys stuck on the bench for the entire time week after week, getting left out because they aren't good enough. It's crazy, and it gets to me - these little children should just be having fun playing, not made to think they are useless because they aren't showing what would really be very precocious talent. It's surely a great way of putting children off being active for fun.

My DCs didn't do these clubs when they were younger as it seemed a waste of our limited money at that age, but they do a fair bit now (we're homeschooling so they have more time) - they both seem to prefer the type where they compete against their own records, like rock climbing. DS had a speech disorder and I think that made it very hard for him to play team sports at school, because he didn't always understand. I often saw other boys refuse to let him play in the playground because he wasn't good enough :(

But Draylon, the OP says "DD has done a bit of baby ballet and she loves everything about it. Loves the costumes, the other girls, the music and her passion for dance can't be matched" and then goes on to say that she is thinking of pulling her out because she is worried she will be mocked for her body shape and lack of talent! It is not a case of the DD losing interest or feeling humiliated, it's a case of the DD having a very clear and strong interest in continuing but the mum wanting to pull her out in case it goes wrong. Obviously if the DD loses interest that's a different story.

I'd let her continue. It's great she enjoys it, and if anything maybe it is helping her more than the others (eg I have started yoga recently exactly because I have poor balance and flexibility so even though I'm not the best in the class I think I might be getting more benefit iyswim)

I did dancing for years, not a "natural" but enjoyed it, I don't have a dancers body (came to realise that without any harm), I didn't push to do exams (or get pushed) and the lessons seemed to come to a natural end around the time of secondary school and I got more into water sports/windsurfing as a teenager. I don't see it as wasted, I enjoyed it.

It would be worse in my opinion to be coaxing her to a different extra curricular which she could excel at but was a bit ambivalent about going.

And I do agree that it wouldn't be good to tell her that she can't do it. DH still hasn't forgiven his ex for telling their DD at about 8 that she couldn't possibly reach her dream of being a vet, because she wasn't clever enough. But I'm sure the OP wasn't going to do that.

What I meant was that I can understand why OP is worried about other people judging her DD, because teasing can happen even with young children and even encouraged by parents according to some of my friends with children in sports teams.

But OP I'd really let her keep going - she is having fun, she's being active. Just keep a quiet eye and IF it turns into a horribly competitive thing - which if the teacher is good, it WON'T - then take her out and look for another class.

Tbh I think this is awful.

How can you set her up to fail when it's a hobby. She is four

I can understand why the OP is worried about other people judging her dd as my dd was starting to get comments and she wasn't enjoying it as much as she did before.
This isn't the reason she stopped and she is very hard, doesn't let it get to her, but some girls might do. Also, a class of ballet dancers aren't always the nicest to each other as time goes on and competition builds up.
Yes, they start young and its rocking the baby, pointing toes and learning to skip. As they move up it becomes a huge discipline, costly, competitive and time consuming.
At this age OP, I would just let her go tbh, she'll let you know if there becomes a time to stop.

My mother generally only supported activities I was good at.

I was not particularly naturally sporty, so sports weren't encouraged. In fact my mother pulled me out of swimming (fairly angrily) because I didn't 'graduate' from Intermediate 1 to Intermediate 2 or something (I can't really remember, I was 9 ).

This was to protect me / let me focus on things I was good at apparently. I was very academic, so the upshot of this was that I essentially didn't have to persevere at anything I wasn't good at until I was an adult. I don't think this was helpful.

Incidentally I am now enthusiastically sporty, but still not terribly good at it. i do wonder if I would be better at sports had I been encouraged to persevere.

Watch the John Lewis insurance advert. That girl dances for joy. Ballet school teachers I know love it!

She's four. She's happy dancing. Let her dance. Life's too short to give a crap about other people's opinions all the time.

We hear this all the time on here though.

I wouldn't let my dd have short hair, she might get teased.
I won't let my ds grow his hair/wear pink/play with dolls, I need to protect him from bullies.

Ffs. Taking a 4 year old who loves ballet out in case she gets teased is wrong.

Let her enjoy it. Deal with any bullies when and if it happens- but deal with the bullies for bullying, don't tell your dd she has to change or stop doing stuff she loves.

At 4 you simply can't tell what a child might be good at. They all have little pot bellies and leap around like fairy elephants.

OP your little dd is 4. At the moment, she is getting plenty of exercise, learning to take instructions and take turns, to join in and to copy others; and she is also learning balance, co-ordination, spatial awareness, rhythm and musicality. All without realising it because she is having so much fun.

Please let her carry on for as long as she wants.

I did ballet for 17 years, came first in the country in the royal academy exams and auditioned to dance with Nureyev.
I have a long body and short legs. When I was 4 I had a big round belly.

It doesn't matter.

If she enjoys it, let her go. Let her dance, feel the music move her body, learn to stand well and control her core. It's a wonderful thing.

She should be the one to decide when to stop, not you.

I have seen ballet dancers all shapes and sizes. And good ones too. No they will probably not be a professional dancer but neither will lots of ballerinas with the "right" body shape either. Let her do it for as long as she enjoys it and you can afford it.

Please don't stop your DD from doing something she loves.

DD(8) has her own unique sense of rhythm. She goes to a street dance class where they encourage dancing for fun and then have a crew who compete. DD has no interest in joining the crew, she just loves prancing about and leaarning the routines. When she signed herself up at school (they were using the primry school gym) I took her round to another dance school so we could compare and I'm so glad she prefers her current class because the other one is really into competitions and grading, and that would have ruined her confidence.

I went for ballet between 4-7 and remember my mum pulling me out because the teacher said that I had the grace of a hippo. I was gutted and my dad sat me down and told me that even hippos are graceful in the water , and so I became a swimmer. However, that comment dented my confidence with regards to dancing, to the extent that I won't dance at all even when drunk, and the 1st dance at my wedding was more of a shuffle and only done to appease the ILs. I'd love to learn how to dance but I can't let myself go enough to do so

OP i do think yabu but i understand because i've recently had something similar myself. My DS recently started football club, and so far he's spent the vast majority of lessons running around aimlessly in the direction of the ball and i think last lesson he kicked it baout twice within the hour duration.

Now i've been a bit unhappy with the coach etc, but imagine how i felt when i was standing near to a competitive "football mum" modelling herself on Nikki Graham (voicewise). Her son was one of about 3 kids who are quite argy bargy and so get in there, boot the ball and score goals.

Imagine how i felt when i hear a conversation between her and another couple complaining how her son was the only good one on the team, none of his teammates were very good and that's why they lost. This is 5yr olds!

upset me quite a bit but i decided if my DS enjoys it he'll do it, if the lessons don't improve then sure i might switch to an alternative coach but i won't let it stop him having fun.

I have a DS who has been doing loads of dancing at 2 different schools.

The weekly one which is more laid back has kids and young adults of differing shapes and sizes. Obviously the older ones love dancing, work through the grades, put on great shows and they help out at the younger classes.

The other school is more serious and there is more competition and more ambition to get into weekend, summer and residential schools. The tutor suggested DS audition for a weekend school and said we would need to send photos of him from different angles. We decided not to apply for the audition. Not for the time being. Maybe not ever.

It sounds as if you worry what might happen if your DD gets rejected in this sort of situation? That's understandable.

But my point is, in the right school your DD can enjoy ballet, tap and jazz/modern if she wants to. It won't matter if she is a classic ballerina shape. She'll excel if she has a passion for dance!

My DDs do a lot of music. One of the leading teachers in the service clearly rewards the hardwork and commitment of the less musical kids. They have a lot of competition winning ensembles but one of the teachers said recently that what he finds most rewarding is the shy kids who don't speak for ages finding the confidence in time to be part of a great performance. It doesn't matter if they don't get to play in a professional orchestra. They are learning skills for life and love all sorts of music.

I grew up in a family with a tyranny of excellence - if you weren't going to be first cello there would be no point in learning at all and it stopped me doing lots of things I would have enjoyed.

Good luck. Great idea to post here for anonymous, diverse advice and opinions! When I have a dilemma I know I will get challenged on MN and that's usually a good thing

Oh please stop it she is 4 years old honestly she enjoys it I think saying you dd is dumpy with little legs is a bit cruel let her enjoy her dancing

*my son was on her son's team

Chilly the photos would be to look for things like posture, potential back probkems & proportion of limbs to body, not necessarily bidy shape.