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AIBU?

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Original poster

To wonder why this mother has not been prosecuted for the death of child

225 replies

Marmotte3 · 10/10/2015 00:03

www.independent.ie/irish-news/courts/he-wouldnt-settle-so-i-had-to-take-him-in-my-hands-while-driving-inquest-31595840.html

The article details the outcome of the inquest - death by misadventure. The father blames the airbag for killing the child but it is clear to me that it is the mother who is responsible for the death.

Maybe I'm wrong, I suppose it's possible there is a separate legal prosecution against her but it doesn't sound like it form the article.

OP posts:
Mermaidhair · 10/10/2015 00:37

I have compassion, for the baby, for the siblings, for the family. I have compassion for the mother and if she was here with me now I would love her and comfort her, and explain that a punishment is necessary as it was illegal and unnecessary.

RJnomaaaaaargh · 10/10/2015 00:39

Multivac don't be dis ingenious. At no point did I ask for pity or sympathy.

Unlike other posters who are defending this woman who drove up the street the wrong way (possibly easy mistake) while carrying her very small baby (okay perhaps stress reaction) while not wearing a seatbelt (I'm out of excuses here)

And yes I do feel sorry for the life sentence she has. I feel sorrier for the life the child didn't have and I fail to see how not implementing the law may help other parents and children in the future.

However feel free to resort to sarcasm in the attempt to invalidate my response if that is truly all you have.

multivac · 10/10/2015 00:39

I have compassion for the mother and if she was here with me now I would love her and comfort her, and explain that a punishment is necessary as it was illegal and unnecessary

Ok - enough now. I'm torn between hysterical laughter and my jaw hitting the floor at the solipsism. This is a parody thread, right?

HorribleMotherCo · 10/10/2015 00:40

If someone other than the mother had done this (childminder, grandparent, friend), would all those saying that she does not deserve legal action feel the same?

Original poster
Marmotte3 · 10/10/2015 00:41

I have no doubt the woman will suffer for the rest of her life as a result of her actions but, in comparison, a woman in the UK has been jailed for 5 years when her child fell into a pond in the garden.

In my mind, the woman in the car is more culpable from her actions.

OP posts:
RJnomaaaaaargh · 10/10/2015 00:41

Or if someone else had been killed? The baby in the other car perhaps?

mummymeister · 10/10/2015 00:42

mermaidhair I am glad that during these stressful situations that you have had, you have still had the clear headedness and right thinking to pull the car over.

I am talking about this situation. I am just thinking of some of the stupid things I have done child left on the changing table for a couple of seconds who could have rolled off onto the stone floor. Seeing to the baby in the pram and momentarily letting go of toddler near the road. Nodding off whilst breast feeding. Numerous other occasions when for a few seconds I just did something I would never normally do because I was excessively tired, emotional or distracted.

100% of people asked if this was a stupid thing to do would say yes of course it was. my view is that the punishment has already happened. sending her to prison, fining her, banning her from driving makes no point in law.

Mermaidhair · 10/10/2015 00:43

Multivac , and if you were here with me now I would help you pick up your jaw from the floor and we would have a hug and I would love on you to. Wink

DixieNormas · 10/10/2015 00:44

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
Marmotte3 · 10/10/2015 00:44

multivac - this is absolutely not a parody thread, never heard of the term before.

As I have said before, what stands out the most for me is the father blaming the airbag. Madness.

OP posts:
Mermaidhair · 10/10/2015 00:44

Mummy , I think the difference is that this wasn't a few seconds lapse in judgement. It was a conscious decision to stop the car, get the baby out of its seat, hold baby and start driving.

HorribleMotherCo · 10/10/2015 00:45

Marmotte3 as I understand it, the woman who's 2 year old son drowned already had SS concerns about her neglecting her children and had not bothered to cover a large pond in the back garden, which was an obvious risk to them, despite being urged to. I mean who would leave a 2 year unattended in a garden like that? I think they are on about the same level.

Mmmmcake123 · 10/10/2015 00:47

Horrid, good point about if it was another person in care of the child.

mummymeister · 10/10/2015 00:48

Mermaidhair - you cannot possibly say it was a "conscious decision" I have no idea as to her true mental state and neither do you. I have no idea on what planet she was on when she thought that it was a good idea to do this. the crime here has had a truly sad and awful punishment.

Yes the childs life is over but actually so is hers. However can you recover from this.

AgentZigzag · 10/10/2015 00:48

I don't think anyone's after locking her up and throwing away the key but there's not even a nod at the decisions she took being wrong.

Google says death by misadventure is 'death caused by a person accidentally while performing a legal act without negligence or intent to harm' and 'an unfortunate incident; a mishap.'

I don't think she intended to harm her son, but it certainly wasn't a fucking mishap was it? You can get a bollocking for being on your phone, doing your lippy or having a drink if you're driving in the UK, so picking up your newborn while you're actually driving is pretty extreme whatever the state of her mind at the time.

mummymeister · 10/10/2015 00:51

the purpose of punishing someone under the law is to stop them doing it again.

Mmmmcake123 · 10/10/2015 00:51

Marmotte, I think father blaming airbag is probably his way of trying to get to grips with the trauma of what has happened without blaming a mum who is clearly distraught enough. He is just standing by her as he knows it was not on purpose but has to blame something

Mermaidhair · 10/10/2015 00:51

If she can put kids in a car and drive she is making conscious decisions.

RJnomaaaaaargh · 10/10/2015 00:53

Not solely mummy.

AgentZigzag · 10/10/2015 00:53

I thought that too about the dad Mmmm.

mummymeister · 10/10/2015 00:54

there are a lot of people out there mermaidhair with more knowledge of mental health issues than me who would actually disagree with this.

Mermaidhair · 10/10/2015 01:00

If this lady was so unwell that she wasn't able to make good decisions and thought she was on another planet I would hope that her dh or someone would have noticed and got her help. Would she still be able to drive and look after kids if she was so unwell she couldn't make conscious decisions? I don't agree with your theory. I think she was irresponsible. I'm wondering where the babies right are. Poor thing must have suffered.

Mmmmcake123 · 10/10/2015 01:01

Mermaid it sounds like she was trying to settle lo and obv thought a trip in the car would work, this would be a fairly sensible conscious decision. When it wasn't working she must have been stressed and clearly not thinking straight to take lo out of seat. Others have said she should have pulled over to settle him, clearly she was relying on the movement of the car to do that. It's most definitely not what she should have done but it does sound like she was desperate and therefore not consciously thinking properly.

lexigrey · 10/10/2015 01:02

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Mmmmcake123 · 10/10/2015 01:06

BTW think it's a bit cut and dried to suggest mental health issues are so easily recognised by family members. Things like this are gradual, most people cry or get stressed now and again, but family members can't just declare you unfit to drive!