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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

about Star of the bloody day

163 replies

JessePinkman33 · 08/10/2015 19:28

Or rather how can I convince youngest dd in yr4 not to be unreasonable about it?
She's desperate to get it & some kids have had it twice, she's quiet & conscientious (teachers words) but the children who regularly get sent to the headmistress get it for good behaviour on that particular day. So I can see where she's coming from, I hate the bloody thing but I want her to give up caring about it preferably...

OP posts:
Katedotness1963 · 09/10/2015 16:29

Star of the week was given to each child in turn then done when everyone had had it.

The bear for the weekend I hated. Our kids went to a primary school we could never have afforded but DH's work paid for it. So there were a lot of wealthy families, even a couple of football players making millions. So the bear did the rounds, going on foreign holidays, ski trips, spa weekends, etc then our turn when it went to the supermarket and watched the X Factor.

driveninsanebythehubby · 10/10/2015 03:57

I haven't made it through all of the posts yet, so not sure if anyone else's school does this! Our star of the day is awarded in the morning. They take it in turns to have it and the idea is that whoever has is going to be the star that day - it means that they're going to have a few little extra responsibilities and things to do. That way, everyone gets it and it is not based on behaviour, merit or their parents contributions to the school! It also then encourages that child to step up for the day and if you have a naughtier child they tend to try a bit harder to follow the rules.

I didn't realise this until last school year when I said well done to my middle ds for getting star of the day as he'd been going through a difficult spell at school (read: being a little bloody shit) and he said that everyone gets it and explained what it meant/how they do it.

That said I can't remember when my eldest last had it so maybe they only did it in the infants?

I do like that way of working it though.

Vickisuli · 10/10/2015 19:17

PTA thing is total bollocks. Teacher neither know nor care who is on the PTA.

Our schools do have enforced fairness whereby every child gets a certificate for something during the term. Annoys me because my daughter who works really hard will still only get one although she still thinks by working extra hard she might get another one. If everyone gets one it makes it totally meaningless. If everyone got one (working on the basis that everyone needs encouragement for good work/behaviour) but if you work really hard you can earn additional ones then maybe I can see the point.

The only awards that truly pee me off are the ones for 100% attendance. "You've not been ill all year, have a prize" These are the LUCKY kids they have done nothing of merit.

theycallmemellojello · 10/10/2015 19:20

It's the start of term! Surely there hasn't been time for all the kids to get it yet? I think it's fine to mention to teacher that your child would like it, but waay too soon to be angry that she hasn't got it yet. A good teacher will make sure everyone gets it. And it is a useful tool for rewarding/incentivising good behaviour and so on. I really doubt that teachers favouring the children of PTA volunteers is a common thing - that would be odd to say the least!

ArkhamOffitt · 10/10/2015 19:22

Print off Class List.
Work your way down Class List. Not in an obviously Alphabetical Order.
Make sure every child is Star Of The Week once, for whatever reason is applicable to them. Whatever that reason is will be meaningful to that child, so don't be a dick about picking favourites/whose Mum is a stalwart of the PTA.

BathshebaDarkstone · 10/10/2015 19:29

In my DC's school they seem to use it properly. DD's got it a few times for written work or for speaking confidently in front of the class. DS has been there 9 months and never got it, he gets lots of letters home about behaviour. Hmm

lexigrey · 10/10/2015 19:41

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ArkhamOffitt · 10/10/2015 19:44

That seems awfully serious. What did he do?

Attaining a consistent standard of behaviour for a week is a massive deal to some children. Deserves a reward imo.

CalleighDoodle · 10/10/2015 19:48

atkham that is exactly what i do

ArkhamOffitt · 10/10/2015 19:53

A lot of teachers do, Calleigh. The lucky ones, who don't get hauled up in front of the MN Jury Wink

WALT: What is the difference between a genuine school problem and a superannuated Froth?

lexigrey · 10/10/2015 19:53

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Pixi2 · 10/10/2015 19:59

Hate, hate, hate star of the week. I write my own out now and surprise my DC with it.

ArkhamOffitt · 10/10/2015 20:01

I can see why you would be concerned he had attained the rank of Naughty Kid Sad
Bright side though, maybe it was a cunning plan of Baldrickian proportions to make sure his teacher stopped fannying about with the DC of the PTA and ones in the class who can't sit the fuck still for 5 minutes Smile

flixybelle · 10/10/2015 20:21

This drives me crazy as well, my dd is in yr 4 and has probably had it 3/4 times ever! She is quiet, and always does her work the only time she got it last year was when she had a falling out with her friend and then made up! Its almost encouraging them to misbehave. Which worries me as my dd2 in yr 1 (also never picked) is quite savvy and once she figures it out will no doubt act up accordingly.

For what it is worth I am PTFA chair and a governor (for 4 years) and ALL the teachers know me well!

ArkhamOffitt · 10/10/2015 20:25

You could explain to her how it works in your school, maybe. That it doesn't matter in the long run and there are reasons why it operates in the way it does at her school. At 8/9 they are capable of understanding that. And that they have parents who will always praise them.

BathshebaDarkstone · 10/10/2015 20:56

afghanda oh dear, DD may be a Hermione Grainger type. Blush

Lurkedforever1 · 10/10/2015 21:25

To play Devils advocate, isn't awarding it for good behaviour to a child who is always good the same as giving the academic awards to children who always do them well?
Tbh I think either they should give them out on an everyones a winner encouragement basis, or when there has actually been effort for that particular child. If primaries gave out awards based on who naturally found it easier, especially in ks1, I'm pretty sure the majority would object.

Zetetic · 10/10/2015 22:36

Ah right. Well behaved quiet children who get good results shouldn't ever get rewarded because they are -

a) Lucky
b) Advantaged
c) Obviously need no encouragement to behave / perform well so why bother
d) Always get high marks so obviously don't ever put in extra effort Hmm
e) Should speak up more

Lurkedforever1 · 10/10/2015 23:00

I didn't say that. I just pointed out that if they handed out an award to the most academic based on the fact they always do great work, people would be up in arms. Ditto sports days at primary not being about the sporty kids winning awards. So being well behaved all the time is just being awarded on the same lines as all the rest, whether it's percieved as achievement for the individual. Didn't say I always agreed with it though.

nooka · 10/10/2015 23:14

At primary I had one very well behaved child and one terribly behaved one.

dd loved school, loved her teachers, loved helping and found school work very easy. She is a September baby so had an inherent advantage to start with. ds (May child) generally found school very very difficult, struggled with the work (he is dyslexic) and found just sitting still very tricky let alone doing what he was told.

We were in and out of school talking about his issues and how to address them, he was assessed by various specialists and had interventions of more and less effectiveness. dd on the other hand was practically perfect.

ds got stickers for very small things that were for him very hard. Sometimes dd complained. She got positive reinforcement every day though simply for being a nice, kind and bright little girl. However when it came to reports etc she got A's and lovely comments across the board whereas with ds we had to find and point out the positive things, and he often was upset.

At their school the Star of the Week got a big card with a photo and comments from all the other children. It was lovely. I've no idea how it was allocated. The one star of the week certificate ds got he treasured for years. I can't even remember if dd got any!

madamginger · 10/10/2015 23:18

My ds1 has had star of the week twice so far this year, but his school do a house points system and the kid with the most merit points in each class per week wins the trophy.

Every class has an award and then they add the points up at the end of the year and the house with the most points gets a pizza and movie afternoon.

I'm secretary of the PTA but promise that I didn't buy the reward!

Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost · 10/10/2015 23:30

I know your son got his reward on merit but I'm sure you can see why parents get pissed off, and roll their eyes. Especially when the same child is given recognition in the same week. And his mother happens to be secretary of the PTA. You can see why it is viewed as favoritism.

Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost · 10/10/2015 23:33

Same term sorry not same week

madamginger · 10/10/2015 23:40

My involvement with the PTA has absolutely nothing to do with his merit. DS1 works hard at school and deserves the recognition for that. If the other parents are pissed off they need to look at themselves and get over it.
I have 2 other kids at the school and they haven't won it yet so i can't have that much influence.
There are only 4 of us on our PTA and I don't even get front row seats at the nativity.

Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost · 10/10/2015 23:53

Where did I say. Your ds got that award because you're on the PTA. Erm nowhere. But it's how a lot parents will see it. It's the way the world is.
You say your son works hard at school but how do you know the children of the envious mothers don't try hard. Or are you oneb of those. Oh my child is a saint, all other children are little horrors. I get that feeling from your comment. If other parents are pissed off they need to look at themselves and get over it. Well no you don't just get over it if your child is doing their best but not getting the recognition.