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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

about Star of the bloody day

163 replies

JessePinkman33 · 08/10/2015 19:28

Or rather how can I convince youngest dd in yr4 not to be unreasonable about it?
She's desperate to get it & some kids have had it twice, she's quiet & conscientious (teachers words) but the children who regularly get sent to the headmistress get it for good behaviour on that particular day. So I can see where she's coming from, I hate the bloody thing but I want her to give up caring about it preferably...

OP posts:
Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost · 09/10/2015 09:57

That's also my argument, Angry. A naughty child who is good for two minutes gets all sorts of awards recognition and praise, yet children that are well behaved all the time get nothing.
There have never been truer words spoken than . The good don't get attention ".

CocktailQueen · 09/10/2015 10:02

Last year, ds's teacher gave out the class for toy depending on who was going on the best holiday! So the soft toy went to Disneyland Paris, Florida etc. The teacher would ask everyone their plans for half term and then decide based on that! So ds didn't get it...

Bonkers.

brokenvases · 09/10/2015 10:03

My dd who has SN but is quiet and well behaved was the invisible child and never got star of the week once in junior school despite me talking to the teacher.

In secondary they have a merit system. They get prizes per so many merits. Guess what? She has one merit, the noisy ones have tons. That one merit was given accidentally when teacher signed wrong book but told her she could keep it as 'you are always well behaved anywhere' annoys me no end.

CharityBarnum · 09/10/2015 10:13

I think it's unfair when children who are good all the time aren't rewarded but you have to appreciate that for some children it's much harder for them to be good.

I'm remembering the circumstances of some of the children I've taught. Kept up stupidly late in another house, no breakfast, crisps for dinner the night before, getting smaller siblings to school on their own aged seven and having a huge amount of stress before the school day even starts.

Being tired and hungry makes most of us irritable and unable to concentrate. The difference is, we are adults and have the power to change that situation.

Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost · 09/10/2015 10:21

Bonkers, Cocktail. I,'d say fucking ludicrous and discriminatory against the children whose parents who can't afford flash Disney Land holidays. Some poor children are lucky if they get to the park, let alone jet off to around the world.
I,'d have been up there having a long conversation.

CharityBarnum · 09/10/2015 10:26

Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost sorry, I've just seen your comment about my colleague. Yes, she was a diamond. The chicks made going into work a real treat Grin

Greengardenpixie · 09/10/2015 10:30

I told her where she needed to improve. Which she has done, so far the children who have been awarded star of the week are the naughty children who have behaved slightly better.

In response to this:

Every child should get a chance to be star of the week. I agree. This is totally what i have been trying to say:

I think it's unfair when children who are good all the time aren't rewarded but you have to appreciate that for some children it's much harder for them to be good.

I'm remembering the circumstances of some of the children I've taught. Kept up stupidly late in another house, no breakfast, crisps for dinner the night before, getting smaller siblings to school on their own aged seven and having a huge amount of stress before the school day even starts.

Being tired and hungry makes most of us irritable and unable to concentrate. The difference is, we are adults and have the power to change that situation.

Totally 100% agree with this. When you have these children in front of you and you see what they have to cope with in their daily life, you can understand why they behave the way they do. A reward is a way of steering the behaviour in a positive way for them, rather than focusing in on the poor behaviour that my be displayed. On the surface, it may seem they are getting rewarded but in actual fact it is more to do with positive encouragement to behave appropriately. And yes, it can make a difference.

Zetetic · 09/10/2015 10:50

It can make a difference when you don't reward well behaved childen as well though. My dc turned out every achievement evening for five years to pay music to entertain the parents of those receving awards. This involved setting out chairs, me as taxi service, playing & practising music, serving tea, clearing up afterwards. After five years and having received no award they declined.

Zetetic · 09/10/2015 10:50

play, not pay

EponasWildDaughter · 09/10/2015 10:59

Sorry but i've seen a lot bit of favoritism in schools too (8 years a TA) re: DCs of certain parents being picked for things a lot. (Not so much the Weekly Star stuff, that was always about behavior ... one way or the other ... ).

Those who have worked in schools and never witnessed it at all, perhaps it depends on the size of the school to some extent?

Ours was a village primary. Everyone knew who everyone who had a lot to do with the school was, and who's kids were who's. Even people who didn't work at the school could name a fair few PTA members, some of the governors and their DCs, let alone the teachers. You'd think this would mean less favoritism as it would be so blatantly obvious - but no sadly.

It was always the same faces winning stuff and being the lead characters in plays etc. You could have placed a bet on it. It's not the kids fault at all though of course.

BoyFromTheBigBadCity · 09/10/2015 11:36

My y6 class had a system where you moved up a chart if you got 20/20 on your spellings, and at the end of the year you got a prize if you were at the top or in the top parts of the chart. If you were in the top spelling set, you had to stay in at play to rewrite any mistakes 20 times. The poorly behaved kids in the bottom set got moved up if they got 3/5 from the bottom set. Now I'm older I can see the logic. At the time, I felt hard done by and it was always obvious that the kids who were badly behaved got rewarded for being good for the minutes and I was completely overlooked.

miffybun73 · 09/10/2015 12:10

At our school all the children get Start of Day in rotation. There is always a reason, e.g "Trying hard to sit still and listen."

miffybun73 · 09/10/2015 12:11

Star of the Day, not Start of the Day.

reni2 · 09/10/2015 12:13

I propose Star of the Hour, then it could be done fairly.

PaulAnkaTheDog · 09/10/2015 12:21

A male teacher where i worked gave it to the same few children all the time.

Why is being male relevant?

Op, it sucks for your daughter. I honestly think that rewards like this at a young age are never fair. No matter what system is used there is always a flaw.

ThatGuyPeedOnIt · 09/10/2015 12:31

My kids are ALWAYS the last of the year to get it. I couldn't help but laugh when my daughter was in reception and got it the very last week of that year. I thought, "Ahh, just like big brother. She starts as she means to go on." My youngest will surely follow in the same footsteps.

Alfieisnoisy · 09/10/2015 13:18

Have read through the thread and agree that it's probably pretty crap. However it was a boon for my DS who is autistic. It gave him so much pride and confidence to be awarded it.

They also used to do "Star of the Day".

The class teacher ensured everyone got the award. Even the really challenging children could get it for positive behaviours.

But yeah, there must be other and better ways.

Casimir · 09/10/2015 14:40

Clearly this is a good system to prepare them for the world. Look around, its the same.

Zetetic · 09/10/2015 15:09

That is exactly what I told my dc. Grin

AndLeavesthatweregreenturnedto · 09/10/2015 15:11

I dont care about being labelled that parent any more, they should be worried about being that teacher who is managing to over look a student who needs a break.

go and ask am sure will get it.

celtictoast · 09/10/2015 15:26

I think it's best when all children get Star of the Week/Day, before it then goes round again. It can't be that hard, surely, to find a positive reason for each child to receive it.

Original poster
JessePinkman33 · 09/10/2015 15:30

Clearly this is a good system to prepare them for the world. Look around, its the same
I guess everything can be a life lesson
Thanks teacher for this lesson

OP posts:
Original poster
JessePinkman33 · 09/10/2015 15:32

I think it's best when all children get Star of the Week/Day, before it then goes round again. It can't be that hard, surely, to find a positive reason for each child to receive it
yy and this is part of her grievance, that 3 kids have so far had it twice

OP posts:
Original poster
JessePinkman33 · 09/10/2015 15:35

I dont care about being labelled that parent any more, they should be worried about being that teacher who is managing to over look a student who needs a break
Oh I do, I bend over backwards to avoid being the difficult parent Grin social suicide in this village school

OP posts:
afghanda · 09/10/2015 15:47

I hate star of the day/week. It always seems to be given to either the Hermione Grainger types or the children who have behaviour issues and they catch doing something good. My DS and the others like him (bright, sensible, polite, well behaved, but quiet and don't push themselves forward) very rarely get it (or get forgotten about, so get it only when they've been through everyone else once or twice). It's horrible for them.