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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

about Star of the bloody day

163 replies

JessePinkman33 · 08/10/2015 19:28

Or rather how can I convince youngest dd in yr4 not to be unreasonable about it?
She's desperate to get it & some kids have had it twice, she's quiet & conscientious (teachers words) but the children who regularly get sent to the headmistress get it for good behaviour on that particular day. So I can see where she's coming from, I hate the bloody thing but I want her to give up caring about it preferably...

OP posts:
whois · 08/10/2015 20:39

laffymeal too funny!!

laffymeal · 08/10/2015 20:40

tis true whois Grin

TattyDevine · 08/10/2015 20:40

The PTA thing seems weak. I'm not saying it never happens, because I don't know what goes on in every single school obviously. But my son got it first week back this year (its a weekly one). I guarantee there was someone sitting there bristling thinking its because I'm on the PTA, but the teacher is brand new, its her first teaching post and it was her first week in the school and she didn't even know my face let alone that I am in the PTA. But someone will be convinced it is that. I don't care, because he got it for some poetry stuff he did which they read out. Whatever.

Greengardenpixie · 08/10/2015 20:42

well i have been teaching for 13 years and i give it on merit. I do try to include everyone after all everyone is good at achieving something. With inclusion in the area that i live and teach, we have a lot of children that have special educational needs in the class and very often have behavioural issues that require that extra motivation and positive praise. it may seem that some children who behave poorly get the reward on the face of it, but very often the child is given a reward because the teacher is focusing on motivating and adjusting that child's behaviour for the better by highlighting the small positive things they do in class.
I do believe that everyone should be rewarded for something at some point but just wanted to clarify that. With a teachers workload, it can also be hard to keep tabs on everything in the class especially when you can have up to 33 children.
I dont know anyone in my class that has a parent on the PTA either so that is not a factor in the school i teach in.

CherryPicking · 08/10/2015 20:42

YANBU

At dd's school anyone whose parents have a connection to the school - PTA, TA etc tends to be the superstar the first week of term - sometimes twice in one term. Anyone else has to wait for something completely arbitrary to happen. Is this an object lesson in 'know who your betters are'? because that's the lesson she's taken away. Even the Thatcher's Britain I grew up in was more egalitarian.

DameDancealot · 08/10/2015 20:45

that made me laugh laffymeal can just picture it as well

Washediris · 08/10/2015 20:50

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

CrohnicallyAspie · 08/10/2015 20:52

laffy do I work with you?!

I do think there's a correlation between PTA members and their children getting put forward for things. But generally, this isn't a result of them being PTA members as such. But it's a result of them being involved in the school, supporting the school, and pushing their children to achieve.

For example, a lot of PTA children are on our sports teams... The PTA managed to get the sports club started, they are the parents who can be counted on to bring their children for matches etc.

The PTA children are often confident and organised, they probably picked it up from their parents who were confident and organised enough to go for the PTA.

Unfortunately a lot of children miss out as a result of their parents not being interested in school. They might not do things at home (not necessarily homework, but reading with their child, practicing counting while out and about or just talking to them about things they do at home). They might not bring their child back to school for sports matches or drama performances etc.

Please note: I'm not saying that all non-PTA parents are not interested in school! But PTA parents are and that must rub off on their children! and if you go looking for confirmation that PTA children are favoured, you'll find it. Whereas you might not notice Joe Bloggs getting several awards (because he's doing well despite his home life) because you weren't looking for it. Hope that makes sense!

cremedecacao · 08/10/2015 20:52

Laffy- that is 100% me!!

CharityBarnum · 08/10/2015 20:53

I used to be meticulous about house-points when I was teaching, getting the monitors to keep track of them and added up in time for the weekly collection. It was only when I left that a colleague told me that everyone else just made them up!

Washediris · 08/10/2015 20:53

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laffymeal · 08/10/2015 20:53

ChronicallyAspie..you just NEVER know do you, lol Grin

CrohnicallyAspie · 08/10/2015 20:55

Oh shit, are your initials really LM?

If I do work with you then my username does sort of out me...

laffymeal · 08/10/2015 20:56

Charity I was the same about "merit" points as we call them until I walked in on a colleague frantically dotting her chart in time for the end of term assembly Bronze, Silver and Gold awards. She said "Fuck!, I forgot all about this shite" and submitted it that morning, an alleged entire sessions' worth of merit points awarded in 5 minutes.

laffymeal · 08/10/2015 20:57

...yes, my real initials are LM....sings twilight zone theme....

StealthPolarBear · 08/10/2015 20:57

Oh dear. Ds got it on his very first week in reception. I had no idea. And he broke it.

DancingDinosaur · 08/10/2015 20:58

Dc1 is naughty, she got it when she was reformed! And dc2 is an over the top, polite, helpful extrovert. He got it on the first week.

TellitToTheTrees · 08/10/2015 21:01

I'm with Clam. I've been teaching for 15 years and I agree the PTA thing is a lazy cliche which fits nicely with the 'teachers go home at 3.30' and 'inset days are free days off' brigade. I honestly have never seen it in either the schools I have worked in or my own dc have been taught in, neither has any of my many friends who are teachers (I have actually had this discussion with them and they think it is ludicrous).

Murfles you've either been spectacularly unlucky or there was a misplaced perception that it happened. It's easy for snarky parents to latch on to a reason why their angel hasn't been picked for things and the PTA one is a very easy one to go to.

Helenluvsrob · 08/10/2015 21:01

My eldest ( now 22) Sussed this out about now in reception. She came out under a black cloud, stomping . I said " what's up" ....
" X got the star of the day sticker cos he didn't write on the table. I never , not no how writ on the table and I don't "

Yep. That how it works kiddo. It made you so cross you lost your command of the English language ! We very soon agreed that really it was to help the naughty children learn to be good and "mums awards " are for good children.

For us actually it got better at secondary.they send post cards for special things including high scores in tests and musical performances for instance. Sending postcards home is perfect - mum sees them but you aren't outed as a " teachers pet" at school.

Crusoe · 08/10/2015 21:02

Hate star of the ruddy week. My ds had SEN and never got star of the week. He tried really hard but could never match the behaviour of the majority of the class. In the end he gave up even trying. Thankfully he is at a much better school now where he is understood and rewarded for what he can achieve without being compared unfavourably to others all the time.

TellitToTheTrees · 08/10/2015 21:04

Absolutely ChronicallyAspie, well said!

clairemum22 · 08/10/2015 21:05

What is the problem with the PTA? At our school there appears to be no correlation between star of week and PTA parents. I'm on our PTA and we work hard to make money for the school and also put on events that the children enjoy. It seems on mumsnet that the PTA is despised. I don't get it.

reni2 · 08/10/2015 21:07

Writer of the week. Mathematician of the week. Kindness and friendship award. Pupil of the week.

6yo: Mummy, Jayden won the kindness and friendship award. Mummy: Oh, that's nice wtf? Jayden? Am I mixing up kids?, what for? 6yo: He didn't hit or kick or bite anybody all week.

6yo: I'm writer of the week. Mummy: Wow, that's impossible there must have been an error a lovely surprise! What did you do? 6yo: nothing

At 5 many suspected it was bollocks, at 7 every last child knew it was. They still hand them out up to year 6, it is very embarrassing for those older children.

Washediris · 08/10/2015 21:07

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2512BC · 08/10/2015 21:10

Murles I agree - The chosen few are usually the P.E Masters son, the Parent Governors daughter, the naughty child or lower ability child. If you openly strive to be the best and are top of the class in a particular subject - It is just taken for granted that you will do that anyway. I'm explaining my DC situation. He just accepts that it is for those children - and it breaks my heart to know how he feels as I know he would love that recognition from his teacher. Our school have team points anyway so I wish they would get rid of it, or grow a backbone and be more sincere about who is likely to get it as children are not stupid - even the ones receiving the awards have a fair idea why.