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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

about Star of the bloody day

163 replies

JessePinkman33 · 08/10/2015 19:28

Or rather how can I convince youngest dd in yr4 not to be unreasonable about it?
She's desperate to get it & some kids have had it twice, she's quiet & conscientious (teachers words) but the children who regularly get sent to the headmistress get it for good behaviour on that particular day. So I can see where she's coming from, I hate the bloody thing but I want her to give up caring about it preferably...

OP posts:
messystressy · 08/10/2015 21:13

My DS was the only one not to get Star of the Week last year. It made him miserable. He is shy and quiet and lives for doing schoolwork. When I asked him what a child needed to do to get Star of the Week, he said sadly "there needs to be a change in behaviour". Some of the more challenging students received it more than once. Still annoys me, in case you can't tell...

CrohnicallyAspie · 08/10/2015 21:19

laffy are you pregnant?!

laffymeal · 08/10/2015 21:24

Lol no, I'm 50 years old Grin

TellitToTheTrees · 08/10/2015 21:32

I gave out star of the day last week to a perfectly ordinary little boy whose parents are not on the PTA, he can be silly but mostly is fine, he just did a smashing piece of work that morning which had really shown he had listened and then thought about what I had asked them to do.
I am not an exceptional teacher (Ofsted said I'm good but not outstandingly so I'm not trying to blow my own trumpet) and I would hazard a guess that most other teachers are like me and give praise where praise is due. This determination to seek unscrupulous and unprofessional motives behind rewarding children is both annoying and saddening. I really must stay off these teacher-bashing threads, they are so depressing.

SantasLittleMonkeyButler · 08/10/2015 21:35

We don't have a "Star Of The Week". We do however, have a class soft toy. DD (4) came out in floods of tears on Monday because she wasn't picked to take it home this week. And she really really wants to take it home for a week.

Each child has it for a week at a time. 25 children in the class. It could be a long few months before it's her turn!

Murfles · 08/10/2015 21:43

2512BC. I was livid when I initially realised how the awards were given out. All awards stopped from the day after. It was so unfair on children who were genuinely deserving of recognition. I absolutely refuse to have votes for Team Captains etc now either as the votes were being 'bought'. I honestly would never have believed votes could be 'rigged' but they were.

It's such a shame your DC feels he gets no recognition from his teacher. Personally, if a parent came to me saying that I'd be having a firm word with his teacher. Every child should feel their efforts and attainment are recognised in my view. It doesn't always need a certificate, praise and encouragement can mean more to a child than a piece of paper sometimes.

goawayalready · 08/10/2015 21:49

see my son is a hard worker well behaved (according to his teacher one of the best in the class) he eats all his lunch tidys the classroom is quiet and thoughtful

he still doesn't get star of the fucking week the lady whose daughter bullied a child to the point of leaving the class and going to the other one and two other children wish to leave the school who incidentally helps out on the pta she got it

my son gets demoralised by it all i think they should be fair with it or scrap it because being honest my son can really do no more than he does now they just don't feel they should reward consistent good behaviour

Murfles · 08/10/2015 21:51

We do however, have a class soft toy.

Give the toy a bath when your child gets their turn. Ewww just think where it's been!

When I was at school we had a class hamster. I shit you not, a live hamster! My mother lived in dread of the weekend I got the hamster to stay in its cage. When I think of it now poor wee hamster was an orphan really and went home with a different family every weekend. Shock. I was at school in 1975 though.

BeaLola · 08/10/2015 21:51

My DS was very sad last year that he only had the weekly award once - My friends daughter who is top stream and pretty much great behaviour all the time did not get it once. I go to the parents assembly pretty much every week and to be honest those that get it a lot are those in the lower groups , those with the more challenging behaviour and sometimes those with the upcoming birthday.

I was rather more alarmed that we had the class teddy for the whole of half term rather than just a weekend - the pressure !

2512BC · 08/10/2015 21:58

Tellittothetrees - Alternatively you could take on board the feelings of many children articulated through many of their parents, and consider that in some schools (not necessarily yours) these experiences are possibly real and a concern for our children. Rather than dismissing it as teacher bashing because it challenges the way rewards are being used. I wouldn't mind if it was effective but the same minority of children who are receiving these awards in years 1/2 are usually the same ones still getting them in year 4/5.

Original poster
JessePinkman33 · 08/10/2015 22:03

That's what I mean Iris it just makes the majority feel bad. Every day. Wouldn't mind so much if it was star of the week but it's every day!
Learner of the Day ffs! you win Grin

OP posts:
Original poster
JessePinkman33 · 08/10/2015 22:10

Aww tellit I don't think it's a teacher bashing thread, it's a problem that mine & it seems lots of other 'good' Dc have, it's demoralising to the majority. I think I should be able to bring it up without it being called teacher bashing Hmm Think of a more imaginative way to motivate the 'naughty' ones that doesn't involve making the rest feel bad

OP posts:
CharityBarnum · 08/10/2015 22:12

We had class hamsters and gerbils (surprising painful bites) in the seventies. I also spent year four in a year five class not allowed to do any of their work or the current year four work in order to bring me in line with classmates my age by the end of term Shock

Those were the days Grin

Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost · 08/10/2015 22:16

Go in and have a word. Its not fair the same ones getting recognition all the time.

I did. Every week the same ones were coming out with certificates stickers etc etc. So on collection I said Why little lighthouse got one. She always does her home work, she's always polite and courteous . I've had no complaints about her behavior, and if she is doing anything, then I want to know.
The teachers reply was, sorry mummy lighthouse she's been over looked, not intentionsally at least she was honest though and didn't try to blind me with science.
On collection she had a certificate, though.

Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost · 08/10/2015 22:17

*On collection next day she had a certificate, though

Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost · 08/10/2015 22:19

Amendment on line 4. Comment posted at 22.16.
*Why hasn't little lighthouse got one. I'm terrible for missing words out.

Ilovetorrentialrain · 08/10/2015 22:29

Yep my son's in secondary now but he used to say it was only the 'naughty' kids who got star of the week.

Thing is kids aren't daft, they spot this type of stuff a mile off.

Agree with pp who adopted a house points system, that's great.

NewLife4Me · 08/10/2015 22:30

I think mine only got it once or twice throughout Primary, they soon learn the score they aren't daft.
My dd got it one week in reception for not watching the teacher when she entered the code for the room.
she came home and told me what it was. i wrote a note for teacher with the number on and she said they had to change it. This happened 3 times one week, each time they had to change it Grin
She is 11 now and I guard my pin numbers.

Zetetic · 08/10/2015 22:41

TellItTotheTrees - My three dc's comp is great in other respects but despite the two older ones getting 11 top GCSE's each, all of them having 100% attendance, no detentions they have NEVER had one single prize at Achievements evening in the whole 5 years.

Those who are bright extroverts or the ones who disrupt the class, trash a teacher's car, smoke and collect detentions get rewards (the latter when they showed a turnaround). I can understand this but not at the expense of no rewards for others.

Why? I believe it is because they are quiet. They get glowing reports so I know it is nothing wrong with them - just oversight, busy teachers and no system to catch the overlooked hard workers. By the way it is not teacher bashing as the teacher's are great in all other respects. It is the system that is wrong.

TellitToTheTrees · 08/10/2015 22:44

2512 - suggesting that teachers reward children whose parents raise money (PTA) for the school is suggesting that teachers are morally corrupt so yes I do take issue with that element of this thread. I also have NEVER had a parent come in to articulate their feelings on behalf of their children in regards to a reward system in place. Maybe I am an exception but I very much doubt it.

FWIW I have two of my own well behaved, bright children who have thrived through school despite the horrors of reward systems for good work/behaviour Hmm

OP - we've only had approx 25 teaching days this term so unless your dd is in a small class the teacher wouldn't have had time to make all children in the class 'star of the day'. If it is really bothering her by the time you go in for parents' evening I would mention it to the teacher. Personally I wouldn't go in ahead of then to complain about it until there has actually been time for all pupils in the class to receive it. I'd also try and maintain a bit of the moral highground here. Your Dd sounds like she doesn't have to put a lot of effort into being good and conscientious (she sounds great btw) - some children have to work REALLY hard to fit into the school rules. Although your daughter deserves recognition, at a time of the school year when a teacher really needs to focus on getting the class settled and engaged and learning, maybe you could cut them a bit of slack if the rewards are focused on those who struggle rather than those who find it easy.

Really leaving thread this time!

Zetetic · 08/10/2015 22:44

I used to take the class hamster home when I was little and my mother dreaded getting it. One week it was my turn to take it home and we killed it (well not on purpose, it just died).

Cue frantic weekend searching for a look alike. Teacher never guessed it was a different hamster. It is still under my mother's rockery.

Moodyblue1 · 08/10/2015 22:55

At our school we were very similar to Laffy I must admit. Oh and when parents kept asking why their child hadn't had it yet we wouldn't give it to them because it would be obvious that's why they had got it. We had a sheet in the cupboard we ticked off so knew eventually all kids would have it at least once.

2512BC · 08/10/2015 23:00

Tellittothetrees - "I also have NEVER had a parent come in to articulate their feelings on behalf of their children in regards to a reward system in place. Maybe I am an exception but I very much doubt it."

Well this thread should give you an indication - as you can read many have spoken to the school,
many are pondering
and many don't want to force the teachers hand -
and I'm sure we are not the only ones who find the system unfair on so many children - and happen to report on mumsnet - maybe you should find a way of seeking responses from the children and parents of your school to see if they think that a system that rewards a minority of children is inclusive.
In addition many parents may lack the confidence to approach or challenge the school on issues... but that's another thread I think,

Mmmmcake123 · 08/10/2015 23:02

I agree it's early in the year for all children to have been given a reward. I wouldn't knock the whole system as it worked very well in my dcs primary (tho better in some classes than others). Laffy first post sounded v familiar but I have to admit as a parent I always wished the teacher did actually have a tally chart for the class, as I think it's very unfair if done completely as hoc; the quieter middle children will always fail to be noticed.
Agree with others re pta, governors etc. Their children are generally just a bit more aware of what is coming up, e.g. they know what the play will be before others and are therefore prepared in advance. This is due to administration delays in relaying information to parents and not a big conspiracy IMO.
HAMSTER HORROR my friend's daughter had school hamster for weekend and she let her have it in her bedroom in the ball so long as she kept her door shut. Mmmm not a good idea, cue thumping down the staircase Friday evening, v stressful weekend and v embarrassing on the Monday morning. Hamster 2 went to school on Monday with stressed mum.

CharityBarnum · 08/10/2015 23:04

Zetectic I remember when the gerbils were inadvertently sent home by a supply teacher to the family with the skinhead heroin-addict parent and never returned. All sorts of upsetting stories did the rounds. I don't understand why they weren't just quietly replaced Confused

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