Dd still cross with me about a level results night...

[Hannahspannaaah]

After dd1 received her as level results a month ago (she did really well so was very happy for her/relieved) she planned to have a night out with her friends. They were going to go to a party or somesuch in someone's field and then sleepover in a tent. Fine.

She was cheeky to me that day though end her sister (who also received results that day) was in a pickle as she'd had a friendship fallout and no evening plans. I saw red and "forbade" her to go out (!!) not proud of that, and suggested a family night in.

It has now transpired that dd is still a bit resentful about that! Do you think I was unreasonable?? I can see that maybe I was but feel like it's a bit late to make it up to her. I feel bad

[titchy]

On the plus side when you host next years party (cos yeah, you do owe her, big time), her sister will get a celebration thrown in too, regardless of her friend situation.

Every cloud etc.

[Sparrowlegs248]

Blimey im amazed she didn't just go out anyway. I was in the pub celebrating my a levels. I don't recall how i got there but pretty sure a parent didn't take me despite living rurally.

I wouldn't worry about it too much. She could have rebelled and gone anyway if she felt that strongly.

[LikeASoulWithoutAMind]

Hmm. I think you are being given a very harsh time here OP.

There is no way I would be giving lifts to someone who was being rude to me.
And I think it was unkind of your dd not to invite her sister. No, she's not responsible for her twin but a little kindness goes a long way. I'd be really upset if my kids couldn't do that for each other.

Yes YWBU but I can kind of see why it panned out like that.

I also think your dd is perhaps being a tad dramatic about it. It was her AS levels, not her A levels. You haven't ruined her life. There will be other nights out. I would apologise but then you both need to draw a line and move on.

[MrsGentlyBenevolent]

She could have rebelled and gone anyway if she felt that strongly

Not really - I'm not making a judgment on the OP, but obviously we do not know the full story here. I can only assume by the whole 'but you sister can't go/why don't we have a nice family night in' lines that the first daughter was somewhat emotionally blackmailed into staying at home. Guilt-tripping can have a powerful effect , not matter what the age, especially if it's coming from your mother. I wouldn't have dared gone either - however my mother was a terrifying/mad woman and it really wouldn't have been worth the priced to pay the next day/week/month/until I left for uni.

[starlight2007]

I agree with the others..Yes You were unreasonable..I remember my older sister didn't have many friends.. I also got told I couldn't go places unless my sister went..It damaged my relationship with my sister.. I was very resentful and wanted her to find her own friends and places to go.

I personally would also appologise

[Booyaka]

I think it's the idea of hosting a big party next year is a good one. The party was a recognition of the hard work she's been putting in all year. A bit of cheekiness shouldn't denigrate a year's hard work.

[Mrsjayy]

I think you are just going to have to accept this wasnt one of your best parenting moments and apologise accept her feelings were hurt and you were probably in the wrong not sure why you were upset her sister would be left out .

[Mrsjayy]

Is AS levels not worthy of a celebration then

[ApplePaltrow]

It's not too late to apologize!!!! OP: go to your DD and apologize. It teaches her that parents are not perfect and they get it wrong but being an adult means being big enough to say you were wrong.

I worry for you that by interfering, you are destroying the relationship between the twins. Please stop! The bond between sisters can be incredible and resentment is a relationship killer!

[Lindy2]

She'll never have another a level results celebration. What she will have is a lifetime memory of you stopping her celebrating on that day.
This is why I feel that lifetime events and birthdays should never be used as rewards or punishment.
It's too late now to change things so not much you can do other than on her next life event make sure the memories are happier.
She is becoming a young woman now rather than a child. Encourage and support her otherwise you risk her distancing herself from you as she gets older.

[Mrsjayy]

Its honestly ok to make a wrong decision and accept it as parents we can bugger up sometimes we get it wrong but accepting that maybe we should have done x instead of y and telling our children we are sorry is good for a relationship they may still be pissed off with us for a while but at least its not underlying stewing away.

[Duckdeamon]

You were extremely unreasonable, not surprised Dd is still angry!

[SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius]

I think lostinthewash's post is very wise, and if I were the OP, I would follow her advice.

We all screw up sometimes, as parents - what matters is how we deal with it afterwards. If Hannah can apologise to her dd1, acknowledge that she shouldn't have tried to guilt her into including her sister in the party, whilst explaining why she did and said the things she did - and treating both girls in an adult fashion, hopefully they can move on from this. As lostinthewash says, maybe dd1 wants some reassurance that this won't happen next year too.

It's not easy going to your child and saying, 'I know I was in the wrong when I did that - I am sorry, and I will try to do better next time' - but that is what needs to happen.

[Mrsjayy]

Sometimes it sticks in your throat to aplogise because as little kids we always try and follow through with consequences don't we? But the dynamic has to change as they grow into adults. I was so compacent as an older teen my mum would ground me for every little thing at 17 i was bloody working F/T but i did as i was told and just stewed

[Hullygully]

If you do something wrong you should always apologise, no matter your age or that of the wronged party.

Another valuable lesson kids can learn from it is how powerful an apology is. It is very hard not to forgive someone who makes a sincere apology. A very useful and essential tool for getting along with people.

[LolLolLoLol]

The OP has admitted she made a mistake about a million posts ago

... but don't let that stop another million posters telling her just how UNREASONABLE she was

[RB68]

Frankly I wouldn't worry about it - she was cheeky - she knows she shouldn't have been, its AS levels not A levels, and whilst she did well and would have deserved to celebrate she is the one that put the kybosh on it not you - your house your rules and maybe next time she will keep her mouth shut

[Spartans]

And I think it was unkind of your dd not to invite her sister. No, she's not responsible for her twin but a little kindness goes a long way. I'd be really upset if my kids couldn't do that for each other.

The Op said dd1 is usually very supportive of dd2 but didn't feel it was appropriate this time.

RB the OP doesnt even remember what happen and admits she was trying to pressure dd1

[RB68]

yeah I did read the thread but whether she can remember or not it was the childs actions and the fall out from that so she only really has herself to blame, cause and effect. Life isn't always fair and as I say it was only AS not A levels

[anothernumberone]

Show her this thread she will feel very vindicated. It is spilt milk at this stage but making it up to her would be the best outcome. When I feck up on something with the kids I tell them I fecked up, I find it helps, if they see I realise I am not always right and I realise that.

[Spartans]

RB she doesn't only have herself to blame! That's the point

[Spartans]

I can't remember, we had a silly argument and I felt guilty that her sister would feel left out so thought a family occasion would be more appropriate...

The Ops feelings about the other daughter influenced it too.

[LolLolLoLol]

It would be funny if you showed your DD this thread. It would catapult the whole thing into family legend status - it would never be forgotten and would be retold for generations as the time HannahSpannah fucked up and was almost unanimously told by a kazillion internet randoms that she had fucked up

A bit like the time I told my kids I was taking a phone call and that they mustn't bother me even if there was blood and no they didn't bother me and yes there was blood [blood]

I think it would be cathartic and funny to show her the thread.

[Spartans]

another great point. We all mess up. Nothing to be ashamed of. It's good for kids to see that we make mistakes and can own up to them too.