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AIBU?

Dd still cross with me about a level results night...

202 replies

Hannahspannaaah · 05/10/2015 23:06

After dd1 received her as level results a month ago (she did really well so was very happy for her/relieved) she planned to have a night out with her friends. They were going to go to a party or somesuch in someone's field and then sleepover in a tent. Fine.

She was cheeky to me that day though end her sister (who also received results that day) was in a pickle as she'd had a friendship fallout and no evening plans. I saw red and "forbade" her to go out (!!) not proud of that, and suggested a family night in.

It has now transpired that dd is still a bit resentful about that! Do you think I was unreasonable?? I can see that maybe I was but feel like it's a bit late to make it up to her. I feel bad

OP posts:

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nilbyname · 05/10/2015 23:19

eatshitderek has it, as per.

You owe her a party.

AllChangeLife · 05/10/2015 23:20

I would have gone anyway. I think that is a defining moment in a young adults life and you ruined her chance to celebrate with her friends.

I'd be really angry with you. I can't believe you did it.

I'd bet the argument wasn't all her fault either. You say you were feeling guilty that her younger sister was being left out in a moment that wasn't hers... did that feeling contribute to the argument?!

i'd be apologising and contributing to a night out for her and some friends.

Bubbletree4 · 05/10/2015 23:21

You have kind of clouded the issue with talk of her sister. I can't see how dd1's plans had anything to do with dd2. If dd2 had some issues with friends, you and her could have gone out together and dd1 could have gone out with her friends. Unless dd1 turned all dd2's friends against her, I just can't see how dd2's situation is relevant.

Results day can be a roller coaster of emotions. I'd have let her go out if all she had done was be cheeky. If she had sneered at dd2's results then maybe the punishment was ok.

Hannahspannaaah · 05/10/2015 23:21

No I'm not stealthing fullduty, sorry if it came across that way! Just wanted to give dd's side as she's obviously still upset about it

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AllChangeLife · 05/10/2015 23:22

Ok - AS, slightly less bad than A level... but still. Learn to pick your battles. And give her a night out to apologise.

Seriouslyffs · 05/10/2015 23:23

Was it A or AS Levels? Slightly less bad if AS, but pretty bad.

EatShitDerek · 05/10/2015 23:23

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Hannahspannaaah · 05/10/2015 23:24

It was her AS levels

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PaulAnkaTheDog · 05/10/2015 23:25

Wow. I would have been raging at you. When I got my higher results in fifth year they weren't as good as expected (still good!). My parents were a bit disappointed but would never have dreamed of stopping me to go celebrate with my friends. I honestly think you need to make some sort of gesture. She is rightly upset and additionally probably feels like her sister came before her.

ExitPursuedByABear · 05/10/2015 23:26

Glad you are not my mum

usual · 05/10/2015 23:26

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ExitPursuedByABear · 05/10/2015 23:26

Chillyegg · 05/10/2015 23:27

Yep ywbu.
Apologise.
Also she's 18 back of a bit and treat her like an 18 year old, or she'll pull away from you and push you away. Also stopping her from going because her sister had a fall out with a friend was wrong.

futureme · 05/10/2015 23:28

Surely you know by now that its sometime more important to admit you're wrong or to show the loving action than to stubbornly not "go back on your word".....

Is this a real thread?

Hannahspannaaah · 05/10/2015 23:30

Futureme yes yes I do, but I'm still conditioned by the way you're supposed to treat tantrumming littlies I guess!

I know, SO not appropriate when they're 17! I'm not sure what i was thinking

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Casmama · 05/10/2015 23:30

Do you regularly favour your younger daughter? I find this utterly bizarre and tend to agree with her friends. What were you thinking??
I think you have some serious making up to do and I hope you remember that when she gets her A level results

Hannahspannaaah · 05/10/2015 23:30

By which I mean, if you tell them they can't go somewhere, you should stick by it. Oops

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Chillyegg · 05/10/2015 23:31

I see as levels
But still....apologise

EatShitDerek · 05/10/2015 23:32

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Hannahspannaaah · 05/10/2015 23:32

Casmana, no not at all. They're twins. One has a closer knit friendship group than the other whereas dd2 doesn't have good school friends right now. My heart really ached when I saw she had no plans for results day and I didn't want her to feel left out. Dd1 wouldn't take her to her party

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wigglesrock · 05/10/2015 23:36

Well no, of course your daughter wouldn't take her sister out with her friends because they're her friends. I would have thought that with twins maintaining separate friendships would be very important, I know I wouldn't have taken my sister out with me and we're close in age.

It's done now, I'm sure your daughter is still hurt that you put her sister before her. I don't think you can retrospectively make it up to her.

wakeupandsmellthecoffee · 05/10/2015 23:37

Parenting fail .she should not have been kept in to balance her sisters disappointment .they are not three FFS

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Excited101 · 05/10/2015 23:38

Wouldn't it have made more sense to say 'of course you can go, but you go together' provided your other dd wanted to go. Plus, why did you wait until the time she would be going to change your mind? I think you were bang out of order!

Junosmum · 05/10/2015 23:38

You were v. v. Unreasonable. She'll never get the opportunity to celebrate her a level results again.

Hannahspannaaah · 05/10/2015 23:40

Excited I was trying to engineer that but dd1 was pretty adamant that dd2 couldn't come. Dd2 was pretending she did didn't want to go either even though she has told me previously she wanted to. Just wish dd1 would treat her sister with a bit more empathy. It's hard to see things going well for one and not as well friendship-wise for the other

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